Love That Won't Let Go

During my prayer time this morning, I thought of Mary Magdalene.  I thought of this woman and the picture we are given of utter devotion and lavish adoration she had toward Jesus, despite the scant information we are given about her in the gospels.  I can't articulate how profound it is to me to read the gospel accounts and see that it was the women who never left Jesus.  Jesus poured His life into the Twelve, but He was abandoned by them all.  It was the women who followed Christ to the cross.  It was the women who stood at the foot of it and watched their Beloved suffer and die.  It was the women who looked on with pierced hearts and torn souls and watched their Lord bleed for them, watched their Lord gasp for each labored breath, and watched Him take His last-- breathing out His Holy Spirit.  It was the women who faithfully went to the tomb to anoint His broken and bloodied body that glorious Sunday morning.  

A man will love through barbed wire, but a woman will love through a razor-wired electric fence.  A man will cross seas and climb mountains for love, but a woman will drain the ocean and move the mountains, even raze them to the ground if she has to.  There is nothing in all of creation like the devoted love of a woman.  Hell hath no fury like a mother's protective love of her sons.  And Heaven only knows the sweetness of mother's tender love for her daughters.  How blessed is the husband who has known the depths of a wife's covenantal devotion, despite the struggles, despite the stress, despite the strain.  She is the rock beneath his feet and the crown upon his head.  A man's love is simple and pure.  A woman's love is complicated and deep.

Mary loved Christ with the fierce devotion of a woman who had been set free by Him.  Jesus delivered Mary from seven demons and from what we can glean from scripture, we see that she was part of Jesus' inner circle of companions.  She is first mentioned at Luke Chapter 8, where, although she is not named as an apostle, she was included among them and traveled with them (Luke 8:1,2).  Most of what we know about Mary Magdalene comes from the resurrection account in the Gospels.  We are told that she stood "near the cross of Jesus" along with His mother, watching Him die (John 19:25).  She watched as the Savior Who set her free suffered for hours in extreme in agony.  She watched as He took His last sigh, and slipped through her fingers into death's embrace.  She stood there with empty hands, wounded in her love for Him, and all of creation groaned.

One of the most poignant accounts in scripture is when Mary stood alone by the empty tomb of Christ, after Peter and John left (John 20:10,11).  She stood by His tomb with empty hands and a pierced heart and wept.  Jesus appeared to her and asked her why she was crying.  Not recognizing Him and thinking that He was the gardener, she begged Him to tell her where Jesus' body was, basically saying, "Just tell me where He is, I will go get Him myself." 

She couldn't bring herself to leave the empty tomb. 

She was willing to go get His body herself. 

She was willing to do whatever she had to do. 

Then, Jesus said her name.  She heard His voice speak her name and she cried out in recognition from the depths of her soul, "Rabboni!" which means teacher, or master (John 20:16).  We are not told how much time passed between verse 16 and 17.  It could have been a moment, just long enough for her to reach out and grasp Jesus.  It could have been an hour, or it could have been the rest of the afternoon, that she spent desperately clinging to Him in rapt embrace.  We don't know how long she clung to her Savior, all we know is that He finally had to tell her to let go.

She couldn't bring herself to let go of Him.

She was willing to follow Him anywhere.

She was willing to cling to Him for all eternity.

Because a woman's love is complicated and deep.

The profundity of Mary Magdalene being the first to see the resurrected Jesus cannot be lost upon us.  We are talking about women who lived in a culture in which the men spoke a daily prayer saying:  "Blessed are You, O God, King of the Universe, Who hast not made me a Gentile, a slave, or a woman."  Although, for the most part, women were treated with dignity in Jewish culture, they were not allowed to learn scripture, or speak out loud in the synagogue, or pray in public.  Their testimony was not allowed in a religious court because their witness was considered invalid.

The testimony of a woman was not considered valid by religious men, so it is a woman that Jesus first appeared to and sent to give testimony that He was alive.  This was a profound statement made by our Lord for those willing to see it.

When I think on these things, it seems that Mary Magdalene was the first person to preach the Gospel in its complete fullness.  Jesus preached that the Kingdom of God was near, or at hand (Mark 1:15).  But now that He was risen, the Kingdom of God was no longer near, it was here.  The veil was torn, Jesus had given up the Holy Ghost, He had triumphed over death and was raised unto eternal life as the first-fruits of His eternal kingdom, and a woman was the first person to see the victorious risen Christ and publicly proclaim, "He is risen! You have all been set free!"  Scripture tells us that she "came, announcing to the disciples, 'I have seen the Lord,'" and telling them all the things He said to her (John 20:18).  And that is the same gospel the Apostles eventually proclaimed:  "We have seen the Lord, and this is what He has spoken to us." 

Mary proclaimed, even though her testimony was not considered valid.  She spoke the truth about Christ, even though no one believed her and no one listened to her because she was a woman (Luke 24:11).  She testified to the truth because she had been set free by the Lord and she loved Him fiercely, tenaciously, and deeply.  May we look at Mary Magdalene and be reminded that we, too, are called to testify to the truth about Christ, even though no one may believe us or listen to us.  May we all look at her and be reminded that we, too, have been set free by the Lord.  And may we all look at her utter devotion and lavish adoration and be reminded that we, too, should love Christ fiercely, tenaciously, and deeply.

"Therefore I tell you, because her many sins have been forgiven, she has loved much. But he who has been forgiven little, loves little." (Luke 7:47)

"But the angel said to the women, 'Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, Who was crucified. He is not here; He has risen, just as He said! Come, see the place where He lay. Then go quickly and tell His disciples, "He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see Him."'" (Matt 28:5-7)

"As the women bowed their faces to the ground in terror, the two men asked them, 'Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; He has risen! Remember how He told you while He was still in Galilee:  The Son of Man must be delivered into the hands of sinful men, and be crucified, and on the third day rise again.'" (Luke 24:5-7)

"He was handed over by God's set plan and foreknowledge, and you, by the hands of the lawless, put Him to death by nailing Him to the cross. But God raised Him from the dead, releasing Him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for Him to be held in its clutches." (Acts 2:23,24)

If Not For A Changed Life

The greatest witness to the power of the Gospel is a changed life.

There are times when I reflect back on my life.  On the sin, the ignorance, the futility.  I reflect on my life and I look back at a sea of wretchedness.  A sea of self.  A sea full of waves tossing between heaven and earth, between spirit and flesh.  As I look back at that sea of sin, I see now that it was encompassed in an ocean of grace, moving me toward recognition of my own wretched condition and the only thing that could ever save me from it.  God looked upon me at my most hideous and said, "I can fix that.  And I will, because you are worth fixing." 

Every human soul is a treasure to God.  Every human soul needs to be fixed and is worth fixing to God.  We cannot fix ourselves, only Christ can.  Only Christ can deliver us from the sea of sin and self that every human is afloat.  We must come to the Cross carrying only our repentant heart in our hands.  We must recognize our wretched condition and cry out to the only One Who can save us.

I fear that if we come to the Cross in any condition other than brokenness, we are only inoculated with the idea of Jesus rather than liberated by the power of His Lordship over our lives.  There are so many inoculated Christians in America.  People who have come to the cross, but not in repentance seeking salvation from self and sin, and thus have been delivered from neither.  People who have been inoculated with the notion of Christianity, which has made them immune to the delivering power of it.  People who have repeated a prayer after someone and been assured that their repetition of that prayer saved them from eternal damnation, when the words they repeated were not said from their heart, and therefore, no transformation ever took place and they continue along with their life, still adrift the sea of sin and self in a sinking boat of false assurance.

Paul prophesied that this would happen.  He said in the last days, there would be people who would have a veneer, a facade, or a seeming appearance of godliness; that there would be people who would claim Christ by their mouth but deny Him by their lifestyle and by their lack of spiritual pursuit of a relationship with Him.  They would have a superficial devotion to the notion of Christianity, but they would deny the power of it, "...having a form of godliness, but denying its power" (2 Tim 3:5).  They would deny the power of the Holy Spirit to transform them from death into new life, and thus, would be devoid of eternal life.  They would deny the power of the Holy Spirit to transform the human soul into a new creature in Christ (2 Cor 5:17).  If there is no transformed life, then there is no salvation.  If there is no longing for Christ, then there has been no genuine faith placed in His saving power.  I say this because we can't afford to get this wrong.  Paul warned the Corinthians that because some of them lived lives that did not bear witness to the work of the Spirit within them, to "examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you--unless, of course, you fail the test?" (2 Cor 13:5).

The power of the Gospel is "Christ in you, the hope of glory" (Col 1:27).  It is the power of the Spirit of the living God, working within you to transform you from sinner into saint, from hideousness to holiness, from being spiritually dead in sin to being spiritually alive and dead to the power of sin.  A.W. Tozer said, "The Holy Spirit never enters a man and then lets him live like the world. You can be sure of that."  That is because the greatest witness to the authenticity of a person's faith is a changed life "by the power of God for salvation" (Rom 1:16).

"Jesus answered him, 'Truly, truly I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.'" (John 3:3)

"By their fruits you will know them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? Just so, every good tree bears good fruit, and a rotten tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a rotten tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire. So by their fruits you will know them." (Matt 7:16-20)

"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of My Father in heaven." (Matt 7:21)

"To the Jews who had believed in him, Jesus said, 'If you hold to My teaching, you are really My disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'" (John 8:31,32)

"The kingdom of heaven may be likened to a man who sowed good seed in his field. While everyone was asleep his enemy came and sowed weeds all through the wheat, and then went off. When the crop grew and bore fruit, the weeds appeared as well. The slaves of the householder came to him and said, 'Master, did you not sow good seed in your field? Where have the weeds come from?' He answered, 'An enemy has done this.' His slaves said to him, 'Do you want us to go and pull them up?' He replied, 'No, if you pull up the weeds you might uproot the wheat along with them. Let them grow together until harvest; then at harvest time I will say to the harvesters, "First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles for burning; but gather the wheat into my barn."'" (Matt 13:24-30)

"For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed." (Rom 8:19)

Covenant Relationship

The word "covenant" is used to describe the close relationship God entered into with Noah (Gen 6:18; Gen 9), then with Abraham (Gen 15:18; 17:1-22), and then renewed and confirmed with Isaac and his posterity (Gen 17:19-21).  Then God entered into covenant with the nation of Israel through Moses (Ex 24, Deut 5:2; 28:69).  Each time God entered into a covenant, He made a promise and then presented His terms of obedience.  Every.  Single.  Time.  He did this because a covenant is an agreement:  "I offer this or promise this (Party A's part), and these are my expectations should you agree to my offer or accept my promise (Party B's part)."  For humanity, God is always Party A-- the initiating party.  He is the Initiator and the Terms-setter.  We can choose to accept or not accept.  Should we accept, we choose to obey or not obey, but God always keeps His end of the bargain even when we don't keep ours.

The duties of the Israelites in their covenant with God were carved in stone and transcribed by Moses from the mouth of God when he met with him on top of Mt. Sinai.  These covenantal duties were temporary and given to act as a guardian over Israel until Christ came to enact the eternal covenant of reconciliation through His blood (Gal 3:19,23,24; Heb 8:6,13).

Now God desires to enter into covenant with all men, through the blood of Jesus Christ (Acts 17:30,31; 1 Tim 2:3-5).  We enter into that covenant not by bringing animals into an ark (Gen 6:18,19), not through the sacrifice of animals (Gen 9:5), not through circumcision (Gen 17:11), but through faith (John 6:47; 11:25,26).  Not by earning God's favor through works of our own effort, but through a salvific faith in Jesus Christ.  Salvation is the act of entering into a covenant relationship with Christ through faith (Luke 22:20; Eph 2:8,9).  It is a covenant of grace (John 1:17; Acts 20:24).

"In the same way, after supper He took the cup, saying, 'This cup is the new covenant in My blood, which is poured out for you.'" (Luke 22:20)

The duties of Israel were carved in stone, but the duties of those who are in covenant with Christ through faith are written upon our heart by the Holy Spirit that He puts in us when we genuinely believe in Him...a belief that imparts unto us the unction to follow Him (John 14:16,17; Rom 2:14-16; Heb 10:16; Jer 31:33).  A belief in Christ is a belief in Who He says He is--He is Lord and God-- and a belief that He accomplished what He said He did-- victory over sin and death and reconciliation with God through His shed blood (Col 1:20; 1 Cor 15:57; 2 Cor 5:18; Rev 1:18). 

I say all this because more and more I see Christians saying there are no rules in Christianity, only relationship.  Or, Jesus doesn't give us a set of rules, He only wants a relationship with us.  But we cannot cheapen the Gospel by trying to water-down God's expectations of us as those who are called by His name.  He is holy and His name is holy (Lev 22:32; Ps 33:21; Lev 20:26).  He desires for us to be holy (1 Peter 1:16) and to pursue holiness through obedience to His ways (1 John 2:3; 5:2,3;  Psalm 128:1; James 1:22-25; Psalm 119:1,2).  And the truth is, all relationships have rules.  Healthy relationships are built on good rules.  My relationship with my husband has rules and one of those rules is that we don't commit adultery.  Another rule is that I treat him with respect, and another is that he is to love me as he loves his own body (Eph 5:22,28).  These are good rules, they are for our benefit, and they preserve our marriage covenant. 

Jesus invites us into a covenantal relationship with Him by extending His hand in mercy and grace, but not in compromise of His glory, authority, majesty and holiness.  The Lamb is worthy of our reverence, our awe, our worship, and our obedience. We sing "Amazing Grace" to God on Sunday morning, but we can't rob God of the very thing that makes His grace so amazing.  God's grace is amazing because He is utterly holy, His standard is perfection, His ways are inscrutable, and there is nothing in us that can save ourselves because we are wretched creatures enslaved to a sin nature.  God's grace is amazing because He looks at us in our wretchedness, and invites us into relationship with Him even while we are still enrobed in sin and rebellion.  God's grace is amazing because even after we enter into relationship with Him, even after we enter into covenant with Him, He pours Himself out into us through His Spirit, enabling us to live according to His holy standard, enabling us to live up to His expectations of those who call themselves His people. 

To be in relationship with Christ is to follow Him.  To be in relationship with Christ is to pursue His ways, to obey His commandments, to surrender to His leading, and to allow yourself to be transformed by the power of His Spirit which works within you-- the Spirit you have been given through your faith in Him.  We are in a covenant with Christ, entered into by faith.  But the very notion of being in a covenant relationship implies obligation on both parts.  God gives us salvation and grace and we give Him faith and obedience.  When we enter into a covenant with Christ, we are making a promise to follow Him and the standard of life that reflects His teaching.  And He makes a promise to us to enable us to do so.

"Now to Him Who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us..." (Eph 3:20)

"Anyone who runs ahead without remaining in the teaching of Christ does not have God. Whoever remains in His teaching has both the Father and the Son." (2 John 1:9)

"Truly, truly, I tell you, if anyone keeps My word, he will never see death." (John 8:51)

"You are my friends if you do what I command you." (John 15:14)

"So He said to the Jews who had believed in Him, 'If you continue in My word, you are truly My disciples.'" (John 8:31)

"For it is God Who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good pleasure." (Phil 2:13)

Time Of Indignation

"I will go away and return to My place until they acknowledge their guilt and seek My face.  In their affliction they will earnestly seek Me." (Hosea 5:15).

Judgment begins in the House of the Lord. (1 Pet 4:17)

Transgression is full and God's Name has been trampled and defiled in fullness.

The Cross has become a mockery and Christ made out to be a fool.

The Church has become a byword, an object of scorn and ridicule among the nations. (Psalm 44:13,14)

The Church has become antichrist, a dwelling place for demons, a sanctuary of sin. (Rev 18:2)

We follow men instead of the Spirit and even call ourselves by their name, by their doctrinal discipline, or by their denominational institution, instead of the Name of the Lord to Whom we belong. (John 5:43)

His Church is one-- there is no Jew or Greek, no male or female, no slave or free man, we are all one in Christ Jesus. (Gal 3:28)

We divide His Church in ignorance and pride.

The Spirit has long-since left the temple, but religion has marched forward at a frantic tempo.

We consume but are never full; always learning but never able to come to the knowledge of truth. (2 Tim 3:7)

We are divided by our religion, we say "I am rich... I have need of nothing." (Rev 3:17)

We are blinded by our religion, God says "I advise you to buy from Me eye salve to anoint your eyes so that you may see." (Rev 3:18)

Reason has established the House of the Lord, rather than relationship with the Lord of the House.

You foolish men.  Your religion will not save you because He is a God Who examines hearts. (Jer 17:10; Rev 2:23)

"No, there is no room for you here God, You will only get in the way of our bureaucracy."

"Yes, there is room for you here God, as long as you follow our program."

The Sanhedrin presides at your conventions, it is a gathering of Pharisees and Sadducees, it is a gathering of white-washed tombs. (Matt 23:27,28)

You argue over mint and dill while His sheep starve because you give them no bread, only platitudes and lifeless doctrine. (Matt 23:23,24)

God says, "It is my Spirit that gives life to my Word, but you do not seek my Spirit, so my Word in you is lifeless." (John 6:63)

We read His word with our mind, but do not seek Him with our heart.

We cannot seek God with hearts full of "every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and hatred...full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, and malice", gossip, slander, insolence, arrogance and boastfulness. (Rom 1:29)

His people are trying to grow on crumbs, their hearts full of angst and frustration.

"The people have become exhausted and hungry and thirsty in the wilderness." (2 Sam 17:29)

White-washed tombs try to give them hope rooted in worldliness instead of repentance.

Their flesh is fed while their spirit starves.

"Those who are sickly you have not strengthened, the diseased you have not healed, the broken you have not bound up, the scattered you have not brought back, nor have you sought for the lost; but with force and with severity you have dominated them." (Ezek 34:5).

We will say, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matt 27:46)

God says, "I have not forsaken you, you have forsaken Me." (Rev 2:4)

Those whom He loves, He reproves and disciplines. (Rev 3:19; Heb 12:6; Prov 3:12)

Ask Him for Holy Fire to burn away your dross. (Malachi 3:3; Prov 25:4)

Fire destroys but also purifies. (Numbers 31:23)

All that does not glorify Him will be destroyed. (Malachi 3:2; 1 Cor 3:13-15)

All that belongs to Him will be purified. (Daniel 12:10; Zech 13:9)

Rend your heart and not your garments. (Joel 2:13)

Seek Him in the secret place. (Psalm 27:5; 31:20)

Dwell in His shadow. (Psalm 17:8; 91:1)

Fill your lamp with oil as the darkness closes in. (Matt 25:3,4)

Go into your prayer closet and lift up your prayers to Him during the time of indignation. (Isaiah 26:20)

Preach His Gospel and love one another to the end. (Mark 16:15; John 13:1)

"Behold, I am going to let you know what will occur at the final period of the indignation, for it pertains to the appointed time of the end...

In the latter period of their rule,

When the transgressors have run their course,

A king will arise,

Insolent and skilled in intrigue and ambiguous speech.

His power will be mighty, but not by his own power,

And he will destroy/act corruptly/ruin/spoil/waste to an extraordinary degree

And prosper and perform his will;

He will destroy/corrupt/ruin mighty men and the holy people/the people of the saints.

And through his shrewdness

He will cause deceit to succeed by his influence/his hand;

And he will magnify himself in his heart,

And he will destroy/corrupt many while they are at ease/secure.

He will even oppose/stand against the Prince of princes,

But he will be broken without human agency." (Daniel 8:19,23-26)

"Those who have insight will shine brightly like the brightness of the expanse of heaven, and those who lead the many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever." (Dan 12:3)

In The Meantime

The morning after Christmas I was sitting in my living room drinking my coffee, watching the sun rise as my husband and children slept.  I thought about the miracle that we celebrated the day before, the miracle of Christ's birth.  As I watched the sun rise, I imagined Mary the day after Christ's birth.  I imagined her tired and her body sore, lying on a mat on a dirt floor in a stable for animals.  I imagined the baby Jesus crying from hunger and Mary trying to breastfeed Him.  I imagined the searing pain of a baby latching onto a sore nipple.  I imagined the frustration of trying to learn how to breastfeed, to get into the right position, all while a baby is screaming with hunger.  I imagined Joseph, frustrated and full of angst because he desired for his beloved to be in more comfortable conditions.  I imagined what it must have been like for him to look upon the baby that came from his wife, knowing with certainty that it didn't come from him, and choosing to believe in faith that it came from God.

What happens after a miracle?  The next day.

The next day happens.

And then the day after that.

Scripture gives us highlights of glory, but between those glories, between those paragraphs and pages, between Abraham's commission and Isaac's birth, life went on.  Between Jacob's ladder and Judah's reign, the daily grind continued.  We tend to get caught up in the highlights of the narrative and forget about the next day.  God works miracles and gives mankind staggering commissions, but in the meantime, those things are worked out in the mundane.  When God calls us to service, the call might be profound in the long-run, but that call is worked out day by day in the menial and obscure.  Mary gave birth to the Savior of Creation itself, the most glorious task ever given to a human being outside of Christ, but most of her time on this earth was spent doing daily human tasks.  For her-- "noble service" was worked out among "necessary task".  She breastfed her baby and changed His diapers.  She cooked meals for her family and she laundered clothing.  She was a wife to her husband and a mother to her children.  Scripture records the "Magnificat" at Luke Chapter 1:46-55, but is silent on the "meantime".

All ministry to the Lord is this way.  God places a call on our life and that call is worked out little by little, day by day.  We may have the occasional meeting with Him on the mountaintop, but most of our time is spent navigating the rocks on the way up and down.  Tedious, strenuous, methodical.  Times which we will become frustrated and tired.  Times which we may stumble and skin our knee.  Times which we may become discouraged and overwhelmed with the size of the mountain.  And even times which we may become disillusioned with the mountain and try to find a way off.

All too often I have become frustrated when I don't "feel" like I'm doing much for God.  When my service to Him looks like vacuuming the church sanctuary, updating the church registry, working someone's shift in the nursery or picking up the church mail.  We so easily get addicted to emotional highs or powerful moments, that is why ministries which focus on such are so dangerous.  Yes, God can and will reveal Himself to us on the mountaintop in powerful, spectacular ways, but more often than not, there is the mountainside of "in the meantime".  "In the meantime" is where God really does His greatest work in us.  It is where He teaches us patience, perseverance, compassion, understanding, persistence.  "In the meantime" is where God refines our character and burns away the dross. 

Do not get discouraged when you find yourself "in the meantime".  Surrender to God's work in you to create a steadfast spirit.  For it is the steadfast spirit which has the strongest foundation.  The steadfast spirit is well-equipped to weather the storm.  The steadfast spirit digs in deep and is in for the long-haul, regardless of the circumstances.  The steadfast spirit cannot be tempted away by the wiles of the enemy, nor driven away by his fiery darts.  The steadfast spirit follows hard after the Lord, full of the confidence of His presence no matter how much darkness surrounds.  The steadfast spirit has not built its house on the sand of emotional highs or the fleshly appeal of power, but on the steady rock of "in the meantime".

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and sustain within me a willing spirit." (Ps 51:10-12)

"I gave my back to those who strike me and my cheek to those who pluck out the beard; I did not cover my face from humiliation and spitting. For the Lord God helps me, therefore I am not disgraced; Therefore I have set my face like flint, and I know that I will not be ashamed." (Isaiah 50:6,7)

"On my bed I remember You; I think of You through the watches of the night. For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy. My soul follows hard after You; Your right hand upholds me." (Psalm 63:6-8)

"Not only that, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance produces character; and character produces hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, Whom He has given us." (Rom 5:3-5) 

Feet That Are Wont To Wander

I often get caught up in wrong thinking.  I stray into the mindset that I must do this or that, or pray for so many hours to be worthy enough for God to use me or speak to me.  Like, He will only work through me when I have fulfilled my part.  It is the poisonous mindset that I have to meet God halfway, as if somehow I could work my way into His favor and make myself usable through my own strength and by my own effort.

I stray into this mindset because I know that scripture says that if I will turn away from wickedness and cleanse myself from what is unfit, then He will use me for a special purpose (2 Tim 2:19-21).

I stray into this mindset because I know that scripture says that it is the pure in heart who will see God (Matt 5:8).

I stray into this mindset because I know that scripture says to make every effort to be holy, because without holiness, no one will see the Lord (Heb 12:14).

I stray into this mindset because I know that scripture says God upholds those who follow hard after Him (Ps 63:8) and to seek Him with our whole heart, and only then will He be found (Jer 29:13).

I stray into this mindset because Christ tells us to make every effort to enter through the narrow door because many will try and not be able (Luke 13:24).

I stray into this mindset because God's word to us implies a level of obligation and obedience on our part.  

We are told over and over again in scripture to turn from wickedness, to pursue holiness and that our love for Christ would be evidenced by our obedience (John 14:15-26).

But when it becomes more about my own effort, than about His sustaining grace, I lose my way and veer off the narrow path.  At Luke Chapter 12, Jesus said to seek God's kingdom and He will provide all our needs (12:31).  The parallel account at Matthew 6:33 expounds upon Jesus' meaning of seeking God's kingdom by adding, "..and His righteousness."  As Christians, we should long for righteousness in our heart.  That is an indicator of the genuine presence of the Holy Spirit in a true believer.  As a believer matures, that longing for righteousness will intensify.  And as that longing intensifies, so does that believer's ability to turn away from wickedness and sin.

When Jesus says that God will provide all our needs when we seek His kingdom and His righteousness, we tend to limit those Godly provisions to material needs, but He also meant that God would supply all our spiritual needs as well.  Our longing for righteousness is placed within our heart purely by the grace of God through our faith in Christ.  And we know that it is put there purely by His grace and through no effort of our own because immediately after Jesus instructs His disciples to seek God's kingdom, He tells them, "Do not be afraid little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom" (Luke 12:32).  As if He already anticipates our frustration at trying to obey His command through our own strength.

My problem is, sometimes I forget this.  Sometimes I forget to actively place my faith in the fact that God is on my side-- that He is rooting for me, not against me.  That He is not placing obstacles in my path, but removing them.  Sometimes I get caught up in seeking His kingdom like I am trying to obtain it through some sort of spiritual obstacle course, and forget that He has already freely given it.  Jesus isn't telling us to work for it like we are trying to earn it or obtain it, but like Matthew's parallel account points out, Jesus is telling us to make it our primary devotion-- to let our lives revolve around the pursuit of righteousness, for God and His holiness to be first in our lives and in the desire of our hearts.  God is after our heart, because it is our heart which will ultimately drive our efforts.  God is after our heart, because it is our heart that leads to the opening of the narrow door (Luke 13:24).

It is a very narrow path between the mindset of trying to earn God's kingdom on the one hand, versus the mindset of "I am covered by His grace, therefore no effort on my part is necessary" on the other.  Both are equally wrong and both are equally spiritually damaging when the pendulum swings too far toward one side or the other.  The only way we can walk such a narrow path is to be in intimate fellowship with our Savior.  Without such intimate fellowship, a believer-- and even the church itself-- falls out of balance, off the narrow path and onto the broad road leading to spiritual deception, and ultimately, spiritual destruction.  Many in the church today are on such a path-- a path on one side of the narrow way or the other-- because of gross neglect of prayer and spiritual intimacy with their Savior.

After Jesus tells the Disciples to seek God's kingdom and that it is the Father's good pleasure to give us the kingdom, He then tells them, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Luke 12:34).  Therefore, if your heart longs for the narrow way, it is God's great pleasure to enable you to tread it. Thus, it is not about our ability to walk such a path in our own effort, but rather, it is about the longings of our heart.  The longing within us for righteousness and obedience and our surrender to such longing, which will ultimately drive our efforts.  The longing that is placed within us by His grace and a longing that can only be fed through intimate fellowship with Him.  And when I remind myself of that, as I often have to do, my straying feet are once again pointed back in the right direction.

“I am the true vine, and My Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in Me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me.  I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in Me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in Me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in Me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.  This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be My disciples." (John 15:1-8)

Looking For A Stallion...Finding A Donkey

For almost 15 years I worked in an industry where I witnessed a lot of jockeying for authority, a lot of abuses of power, and a lot of lust for recognition and importance.  A lot of self-righteous superiority and inordinate concern about who was greatest or most in charge.  And although I am describing my experience as a Petroleum Landman in the oil and gas industry, I could just as easily be describing the church.  Just as much now as I did then, do I see many people looking for stallions to ride around on when we should be looking for a donkey.

The church has lost its vision of what true leadership and authority are supposed to look like.  Authority, leadership and headship have become idols in the church because we live in a culture that idolizes power, authority, influence, and recognition.

Zechariah gives a portrait of what righteous leadership looks like according to God:
Rejoice greatly, Daughter Zion!
     Shout, Daughter Jerusalem!
See, your king comes to you,
     righteous and victorious,
lowly and riding on a donkey,
     on a colt, the foal of a donkey. (Zech 9:9)

Donkeys are beasts of burden.  They are used to carry heavy loads

They are docile and humble. 
They are unassuming-- they are not pretentious and arrogant, but humble and meek. 
They are secure and un-bothered by their status as servant.

They seek out people to serve, not people to follow behind them.

They are essential to get the work done, but they are often overlooked and taken for granted. 

Yet it was a donkey that Jesus rode upon when He entered Jerusalem as king (Mark 11:1-11).

The Apostles argued among themselves as to who was greatest on more than one occasion.  Luke Chapter 9 tells us that when they began to argue, Christ-- knowing what was in their heart-- took a child next to His side and said, "..for the one who is least among all of you, this is the one who is great" (Luke 9:48).  The parallel account at Matthew 18 gives us an additional record of Christ's words, "Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven" (Matt 18:4).

At Luke 22, we are told again that a dispute arose among the Apostles as to which of them would be considered the greatest and Jesus corrected them and said, "The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who have authority over them are called 'Benefactors.' But it is not this way with you, but the one who is the greatest among you must become like the youngest, and the leader like the servant." (Luke 22:25,26).  The word translated as "Benefactors" is the Greek word EUERGETAI (yoo-erg-et-eye), which was a perfunctory title of honor conferred upon someone who was considered to be doing a service, which in this case that "service" was lording authority over a group of people.  It was a title for those seeking a title.  It was a label for someone who coveted importance and recognition.  In Jesus' teaching to the Apostles, He contrasts those who seek authority, recognition, and leadership, with those who are humble and whose service is often obscure and menial. 

When Jesus tells them that "the greatest among you must become like the youngest," He is telling them that they must take the lowest rank.  The culture that Jesus was dealing with ranked authority according to age.  Elders were highly respected and their age-accumulated wisdom was highly valued and honored.  Those who were the least respected or valued and those with the least influence or power, were the youngest.

Jesus goes on at Luke 22:27, "For who is greater, the one who reclines at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves."  What Jesus does here is point out worldly assumptions and juxtaposes them against heavenly realities.  He asks them, who do they generally regard as more important, the one who is served or the one who serves?  Then He answers His own question with what is typically assumed according to our worldly reason, and then points out the incorrectness of that worldly assumption by saying, "Yet here I am, the greatest of the great, in the role of a servant and without a superficial title.  What do you make of that?"

When we read of Jesus' life, we read nothing of worldly glory or honor, we read nothing of bravado, machismo, or swagger.  When we read Isaiah's prophecy of the Heavenly King that would come to earth, we read words and phrases like:  no stately form or majesty, despised, forsaken, man of sorrows, acquainted with grief, no esteem, stricken, smitten, afflicted, pierced, crushed, chastened, scourged, oppressed, slaughtered, cut off, anguish, poured out unto death, bearing the sin of many (Isaiah 53:1-12).  This is the picture we are given of authority and leadership in God's kingdom.

Likewise, when we read of Jesus' birth, we read nothing of what the world would consider a grand entrance or dignified procession.  Instead of blaring a royal trumpet, the angel simply says of the Savior of the world, "You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a feed trough." (Luke 2:12).  According to heaven, the throne of God looks like a manger.  Do you get what I'm saying here?  The throne that God placed His Son upon was  a wooden trough used to feed animals. 

The embodiment of the glory of heaven and earth, the ultimate in authority and leadership was enthroned in a barn and His reign announced upon the back of a donkey.  Yet, in the church, we far too often emulate the Apostles and their concern about who should be in charge or who should be over whom more than we emulate Christ and His willingness to get on His knees and clean some nasty feet.  Far too often we seek to be greater than our Master (John 13:16).  Far too often we seek a stallion to ride around upon, when we should be looking for a donkey.

If you had asked any of those men that I once worked with in the oil and gas industry if they were humble, every single one of them would have told you, "Yes."  That type of self-deception and self-righteousness is the reality of our wretched condition.  The church is eat up with it.  In the church, we've coined the term "servant leader", but that term isn't given to us in scripture.  I think that term makes us more comfortable because, like the Apostles, we don't wanna let go of our idolatry of leadership, headship, and authority.  So we attach "leadership" to "servant" to make us feel better, but Jesus just left it at servant.  And when we just leave it at servant, it more accurately describes what Jesus was trying to communicate.

"If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you. Truly, truly I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." (John 13:14-17)

"Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field, 'Come at once and recline at the table'? Won't he rather say, 'Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink'? Will he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.'" (Luke 17:7-10)

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, Who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to cling to, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross. Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place, and gave Him the Name above all names, that at the Name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." (Phil 2:3-11)

"Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Matt 11:29)