Better Days Ahead

A few months ago, we left our church of seven years.  The thought of setting foot in a church right now is more than I can bear.  I will graduate from Moody Bible College next spring, and since we left our church, I've had many people tell me that God has better plans for me and that I've got a better future ahead.  But all I know right now is that I have no desire to be in a church and I'm not sure what to do with that.  My relationship with God has grown exponentially more intense since we left our church, because He's all I have to hang onto at this point.  My faith was rocked to its core, my soul was torn asunder, I was left with nothing but hurt and betrayal after pouring my life out into a church and congregation for seven years.  I have nothing to show for it but hundreds of seemingly unanswered prayers.  So here I am, sitting alone on the tailgate of a beat-up pickup truck, kicking the air, being told that better days are ahead, but what if they're not?

What if all I have ahead of me is more soul wrenching torment and failure?  More rejection and betrayal?  More hurt and disappointment?  Because that is what Jesus had ahead of Him, and what makes me think that my life should be any better than His?  There is this concept in church-dom that God has a great plan for your life and that better days are just ahead.  With Joy holding the helm of the ship hostage, church-dom says, "If you will just have faith, God's wonderful plan for your life will begin to work itself out!"  So we tend to live our lives focused on tomorrow, on the better day that is sure to come.  But we are not promised tomorrow, so all we really have is today.  What we have is now.  We put all our faith and focus on the "better-days-ahead," when our faith and focus should be on Jesus, now.  When our faith and focus should be on our love of Jesus, today, rather than what we want from Him tomorrow.

There is an exchange between Jesus and Peter that is recorded in Scripture that church-dom should contemplate.  Jesus begins to explain His purpose and destiny to the Apostles, telling them that "He must go to Jerusalem, and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed..." (Matt 16:21).  But Peter, seemingly having his mind set on better days ahead, said to Jesus, "God be merciful to You, Lord! This shall never happen to You" (v. 22).  Then Jesus does something that has surely caused each one of us consternation when we first read about it.  He does something that seems uncharacteristically harsh, showing a side of Jesus that is foreign to most of us.  Jesus turns to Peter and says, "Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me; for you are not setting your mind on God's interests, but man's" (v. 23).  

Church-dom says, "God be merciful to you! Better days are ahead!"  But Jesus says that is a way of thinking that is set on the concerns of man, rather than the concerns of God.  Quite often, the concerns of God come at the expense of our personal happiness.  Which is why Jesus follows His rebuke to Peter with His explanation of the cost of following Him:  "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life, will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it" (v. 24,25).  The writer of Hebrews said that "for the joy set before Him" Jesus endured the cross (Heb 12:2).  The joy set before Jesus was yet to come, and the shame of the cross stood between Him and the joy yet to come.  The joy of salvation and restoration was the joy yet to come, and salvation and restoration only came through the torment of the cross.  Because "whoever wishes to save his life, will lose it."

If better days are not ahead, would you still follow Him? Is your hope in better days ahead, or is your hope in growing in knowledge of Christ?  We want to be safe and we want to have joy, but the pursuit of Jesus is anything but safe, and is more often harrowing than joyful.  That is what is real.  The joy that Jesus promised us comes from knowing Him, not from our circumstances.  That is a Gospel that can be preached to the thousands of Nigerian Christians who are being slaughtered. To the thousands of Christians in the Middle East who undergo torment and tribulation every day of their life.  To the thousands of persecuted Christians in Indonesia, China, Africa, and everywhere else we are hated.  To the millions of Christians all over the world who do not have better days to come on this earth.  To the millions of Christians whose faith and focus is on their love of Jesus, today, because that's all they have to hang onto at this point.

I have hope and faith, but my hope and faith are not in better days ahead.  My hope and faith are in Jesus.  Oswald Chambers said, "The root of faith is the knowledge of a Person, and one of the biggest snares is the idea that God is sure to lead us to success...The life of faith is not a life of mounting up with wings, but a life of walking and not fainting."  Walking through adversity, and not fainting from the weight of it.  Sitting in the darkness, and not spiraling down into the abyss of doubt.  Faith must be tried and proven, and that is often done through adversity.  Therefore, to progressively grow in faith, one must live through perpetual adversity.  Just like Jesus did.  For Jesus, better days never came, only betrayal and crucifixion.  Better days never came for the Apostles either, only rejection and persecution and eventually, martyrdom.  Church-dom says to focus our hope and faith on better days ahead, but Jesus says to focus our hope and faith on Him.  That way, if the days ahead are harder than the days behind, we won't lose hope, because our hope isn't in the quality of our future which is at the mercy of our circumstances, but in the person of Christ Who endures eternally.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, Who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him Who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Heb 12:2,3)

"But the time is coming-- indeed it is here now-- when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving Me alone. Yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have many trials and sorrows, but take heart, because I have overcome the world" (John 16:32,33)

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls." (1 Peter 1:3-9)

   

Sailing Along In Joy With Sadness

There is a Disney movie called "Inside Out."  For those who haven't seen it, it is about emotions that have been personified into cartoon characters and how they interact with each other inside a person's mind.  There is Anger, Fear, Joy, Disgust and Sadness.  For most of the movie, Joy spends her time trying to keep control of the ship, keeping happiness afloat inside the mind of the little girl where they dwell.  Of all the emotions, Sadness is ostracized the most.  All the other emotions try to keep Sadness from influencing the little girl at all costs.  But by the time the end of the movie comes around, everyone finds out that it was Sadness that the little girl needed to experience to get her through the toughest time of her life.  By trying to keep the little girl happy all the time, she was unable to move forward in any significant growth and emotional maturity.

Sometimes when I'm writing, I feel like Sadness.  I know that no one wants me around.  I know there are a lot of people that think, "Sheesh, lady, do you ever write about anything happy?  Reading your blog is like taking a cheese grater to my soul."  I'm actually a pretty normal person on the outside.  Most people that know me wouldn't describe me as an overly-broody person.  I keep it all inside.  I'm like the living meme that says "On the outside I'm fine...but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is slipping off."

Don't worry, I get it.  Brooding existential woe isn't a popular commodity.  Happiness sells, and you can find it anywhere.  Truth, on the other hand is a little harder to find.

Much like the Disney movie, I know that Joy wants to keep at the helm of the church so that happiness can keep it afloat.  But just in case anyone hasn't noticed, this ship has been sinking for quite some time.  If you haven't noticed, well, maybe that's because you are just as blinded as the character Joy was, until the things that were falling apart all around her began to affect her personally.  It took the total destruction of the little girl's inner emotional foundation to get Joy's attention and make her see that happiness alone couldn't fix what was wrong.  Because the little girl was being protected from feeling sadness by all the other emotions, she couldn't understand what was happening to herself.  She had emotions but she had no understanding.

The church needs all its emotions to be expressed to bring the fullness of experience and depth of understanding of itself, and this cannot take place unless there is a full range of perspectives at work.  To chastise Joy for not inciting Fear, is to denigrate her for not doing something that she wasn't made to do.  Joy was made to express Joy, not Fear.  Likewise, to chastise Sadness for directing people's attention to the things that we should be sad over, is to disparage her for doing her job.  Often times, Sadness must be experienced for true Joy to follow.  Sadness must be experienced to keep Disgust from turning into Anger.  Sadness must be experienced to numb Fear. 

In too many churches in America, Joy has taken the helm of the ship and holds the wheel hostage.   "Come to our church where everybody is happy, all the time!"  But that is not real.  In real life, there is sadness.  There is brokenness.  And telling people that putting their faith in Christ will make them happy, happy, happy, all the time, in a happy church, where everybody always gets along, is a lie.  The truth is, that Christ brings not only a depth of joy into a person's life, but also a depth of sadness.  When we rightly understand Who Christ is, and what He is like, we are better able to see through His eyes.  We see the degree of our sin, and the degree of brokenness that is all around us in a fallen creation and we should mourn that.  That is why Christ tells us, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Matt 5:4).  Notice Christ puts the sadness of mourning first, so that it can then be followed with the joy of comfort. 

Perhaps the reason the church has yet to repent, is because Sadness is needed to bring Godly sorrow that leads to repentance, so that the Joy of deliverance can follow.

"For His anger is fleeting, but His favor lasts a lifetime. Weeping may stay the night, but joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5)

"And now I rejoice, not because you were made sorrowful, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you felt the sorrow that God had intended, and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation without regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. Consider what this godly sorrow has produced in you:  what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what zeal, what vindication!" (2 Cor 7 :9-11)

"The Spirit of the Lord God is on Me....to provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to give them a crown of beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and a garment of praise in place of a spirit of despair. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified." (Isaiah 60:1,3)

Rose Colored Glasses

I've often been asked by many mothers and wives, "How do I get my child/husband/person-who-is-tormenting-me to see and understand that what they are doing/thinking is wrong?"  And my answer is usually, "You don't."  That is the job of the Holy Spirit because most of the time, people are oblivious to ingrained behavior.  A prideful person is not capable of seeing their pride.  A habitual liar lives in their own reality, thus trying to make them see that they are a liar is futile.  The self-righteous are abysmally blinded to any avenue of humility because they already believe they are on it.  Some of the most prideful people I know, pride themselves on their "humility."  The pathological liar prides himself/herself on being a "straight-shooter."  The self-righteous pride themselves on being the "last bastion of faithfulness" to God's word.  You can't convince someone of their error when they are incapable of perceiving it. 

We need to see how ugly we are.  We need to gaze in the mirror at our hideous reflection and contemplate our wretchedness.  Unless you realize the degree of your human depravity, you cannot adequately appreciate the degree of God's mercy and grace for His impartation of righteousness through Jesus Christ.  We need to understand and fully embrace how inadequate we are.  We need to fully embrace our lowly status as creatures that have been made by a Creator.  We are creations, and fallen ones at that.  We need to face the depths our ignorance and the degree of our flaws.  We need to stand and examine our true reflection, before it is filtered by the face of Christ, so that when we contemplate His great sacrifice for us we give Him the worship He deserves.  One thing is for certain, as you truly grow in knowledge of God, you become more and more aware of just how wretched of a creature we truly are, and how great Christ's love for us was, for Him to die for us anyway. 

The lack of accurate spiritual vision in the pews today is staggering.  The degree of contrived humility from the pulpit is even worse.  One thing is for certain, if you think you know, you don't know.  Spiritually blind people think they know.  Those who are truly wise understand that they know nothing.  The truly wise never contemplate their own wisdom, because they are too focused on their fear of God.  A.W. Tozer said, "No man has truly repented until his sin has wounded him near to death, until the wound has broken him and defeated him and taken all the fight and self-assurance out of him and he sees himself as the one who nailed his Savior on the tree."  For us to even begin to exhibit the wisdom of God and have any degree of understanding, we must first be small and helpless in our own sight.  We must first sit in the dust and mourn our ignorance.

When Jesus admonishes the Church of Laodicea, He not only admonishes them for their lukewarm faith, but also their spiritual blindness and pride.  This is one of the most soul-rattling verses in Scripture to me.  The other one is when Jesus says "Not everyone who says to Me 'Lord, Lord', will enter the kingdom of heaven" (Matt 7:21).  Jesus tells people who call Him "Lord" to depart from Him, because they never truly knew Him.  People who knew enough to call Jesus "Lord" are told to go away because they were utterly blind to their spiritual nakedness.  This is both horrifying and humbling to me.  In their pride, those in the church of Laodicea say, "I am rich..." and have a false sense of security in their perceived spiritual wealth, "I don't need a thing..."  And Jesus brings down the hammer of truth to crush their illusion, saying, "You do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked" (Rev 3:17).  Unless you have ever realized that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked, then I would seriously contemplate whether you have truly encountered the real Jesus of the Bible.  We come to Christ to be saved from our wretchedness, pitifulness, poorness, blindness, and spiritual nakedness because He is the only One Who can deliver us from our true condition.

There are things about you that other people can see but you can't.  There are things about God and things in Scripture that you don't rightly understand.  This is true for every single one of us.  Every single one of us is blind to something, because it is a testament to our shared fallen condition.  When I first started out in ministry, I was on fire for God.  Then, as I grew in understanding of Him and relationship with Him, that fire consistently dwindled until He had completely snuffed it out.  The fire I started out with had to go, because it was my fire, not His.  And anyone who thinks they are the exception to this rule, only proves the truth of Jesus' warning to the Laodiceans.  God had to snuff out my fire and let me sit in darkness for a little while, to test my heart and see what I would do.  Would I hold on in faith, even though it was dark and I couldn't see?  Even though He didn't turn out to be what I had imagined He'd be?  Even though I wouldn't serve Him the way I had imagined I'd serve Him?  Even though I couldn't see any way out of that darkness?  Even if when He lifted me out of that darkness, my job was to scrub feet?

We think we know, but we don't know.  We read verses like, "The greatest among you shall be your servant," and we think we understand, but we don't really understand.  We take that verse and try to put our vision onto it of what a servant should surely look like, what we think our "role" as servant should surely be.  We say, "Thy will be done, Lord," as long as it is acceptable and reasonable.  As long as we don't have to die.  As long as we can be the person we think we are.  But that is only vanity.  It is vanity wearing rose-colored glasses and a veneer of faith that calls Jesus "Lord" but has no true knowledge of Him.

I advise you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.  Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline.  So be zealous and repent. (Rev 3:18,19)

It is rare indeed for anyone to die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God proves His love for us in this:  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Rom 5:7,8)

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure-- who can understand it? I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve. (Jer 17:9,10)

So if I, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example so that you should do as I have done for you. Truly, truly, I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. (John 13:14-17)

Do not be called leaders; for One is your Leader, that is, Christ. The greatest among you shall be your servant. For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted. (Matt 23:10-12)

The Nail Of Restoration

                         Nailed

            Driven through, piercing

     It pins me down and holds me here

Writhing on this cross, crying out in pain

He does His work, while keeping me near

             Setting free, releasing

                        Restored

There are things that God allows in our lives because they act as a nail which keeps us pinned to the cross.  Nails are painful and bothersome. The pain from the nail continually draws our eyes toward it.  Over and over we look at the nail and the bloody wound.  Over and over we contemplate being pinned down by it.

We ask God, "Why have you driven this nail through my hand?  Father, why would you wound me this way?"

And He answers, "Because this is the same way I wounded my beloved Son to set men free."

When we bear the wounds of Christ, we walk in the power of Christ to set men free.

"In that day," declares the Lord of Hosts, "the nail driven in a firm place will give way; it will even break off and fall, and the load hanging on it will be cut off, for the Lord has spoken." (Isaiah 22:25)

And now for a little space grace has been showed from the Lord our God, to leave us a remnant to escape, and to give us a nail [which secures us] in His holy place, that our God may lighten our eyes, and give us a little reviving in our bondage. (Ezra 9:8)

The sayings of the wise are like cattle prods and well fastened nails; this masterful collection was given by one shepherd. (Eccl 12:11)

Then Jesus told His disciples, "If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." (Matt 16:24,25)

Broken Tables

The legs of My tables of fellowship are broken

And cannot stand

The legs are broken

And my tables lean

They lean and the food slides off

And does not stay

No fellowship can be had

At these broken tables

No meals can be shared

No bread and wine of My presence

Can rest upon them

Come into My house and look

It is filled with broken tables

Broken tables where no one sits

And the food slides off onto the floor

Where it is eaten by dogs

My house is full of dogs and broken tables

Where are My people?

My people have left

Because they cannot sit at broken tables

Even if I give them food

It cannot sit on a broken table

And slides off onto the floor

To be eaten by dogs

In frustration

My people have wandered off

In search of food

Lest they eat from the floor with the dogs

Pray for these broken tables

Pray for the legs of these tables to be fixed

So that they may stand

Yes, so that they may stand

And hold My food

I have food for My people

I have many tables in My house

But they are broken

And need to be fixed

Pray for the bread of true fellowship

To be restored

That My people will return to My house

To sit at My many tables

And eat the abundance of My bread

And be filled

Moses placed the table in the tent of meeting on the north side of the tabernacle outside the curtain and set out the bread on it before the Lord, as the Lord commanded him. (Ex 4:22,23)

Over the table of the Presence they are to spread a blue cloth and put on it the plates, dishes and bowls, and the jars for drink offerings; the bread that is continually there is to remain on it. (Num 4:7)

"For My name will be great among the nations, from the rising to the setting of the sun. In every place, incense and pure offerings will be presented in My name, because My name will be great among the nations," says the Lord of Hosts. "But you profane my name with your actions. By bringing contemptible food, you are saying it is alright to defile the Lord's table. And you say, 'What a burden!' and you sniff at it contemptuously," says the Lord Almighty. "When you bring injured, lame or diseased animals and offer them as sacrifices, should I accept them from your hands?" says the Lord. (Mal 1:11-13)

Now the first covenant had regulations for worship and also an earthly sanctuary. A tabernacle was prepared. In its first room were the lampstand, the table, and the Bread of the Presence. This was called the Holy Place. (Heb 9:1,2)

Jesus said to them, "Very truly I tell you, it is not Moses who has given you the bread from heaven, but it is My Father Who gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is the bread that comes down from heaven and gives life to the world."...Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry and whoever believes in Me will never be thirsty...I am the bread of life." (John 6:32-48)

"First let the children have their fill," He said. "For it is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to the dogs." "Yes, Lord," she replied, "but even the dogs under the table eat the children's crumbs." (Mark 7:27,28)

You are the ones who have stood by Me in My trials. And I bestow on you a kingdom, just as My Father has bestowed on Me, so that you may eat and drink at My table in My kingdom, and sit on thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. (Luke 22:29)

Foundation Of Understanding

Who can truly serve You

Without drinking deeply of Your presence?

Who among us truly knows You?

The weight of Your truth is crushing

Your word is like a hammer

That shatters illusion

What You give me

Cannot be taken away

The treasure of heaven

Is unaffected by this world

Neither fire of hatred

Nor flood of error

Can topple God's pillar of Truth

It stands deeply rooted

Having descended into the bowels of the earth

It ascends to heaven

And sits at the right hand of the Father

The darkness cannot comprehend it

Fools cannot perceive it

The faithless cannot believe it

It is a pinnacle

That cannot be climbed by human effort

What God Himself reveals

He also gives understanding

Whom God gives understanding

Cannot be shaken

The heavens may be shaken

And the mountains crumble into the sea

But the foundation of understanding

Endures forever

The Lord by wisdom founded the earth, by understanding He established the heavens. (Prov 3:19)

It is He Who made the earth by His power, Who established the world by His wisdom; and by His understanding He has stretched out the heavens. (Jer 10:12)

To Him Who made the heavens with understanding, for His lovingkindness is everlasting. (Ps 136:5)

It is He Who made the earth by His power, Who established the world by His wisdom, and by His understanding He stretched out the heavens. (Jer 51:15)

This is why it says: "When He ascended on high, He led captives away, and gave gifts to men." What does "He ascended" mean, except that He also descended to the lower parts of the earth? He Who descended is the very One Who ascended above all the heavens, in order to fill all things. (Eph 4:8-10)

See that you do not refuse Him Who is speaking. For if they did not escape when they refused Him Who warned them on earth, much less will we escape if we reject Him Who warns from heaven. 
At that time His voice shook the earth, but now He has promised, "Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens." This phrase, "Yet once more," indicates the removal of things that are shaken--that is, things that have been made-- in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain. 
Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. (Heb 12:25-28)

Moving Mountains

I stand with my arms hanging at my side

I gaze upward at the massive, hulking mountain

It is obdurate, silent

Its arrogant defiance perversely majestic

Tier after tier

Of jagged rocks and craggy ledges

Accumulated over time

A collection of sorrows

Arranged in an anthem of ignorance

Each jagged rock and craggy ledge carefully

And strategically placed by the enemy

A stronghold of woes

A fortress of vanity

I stand with my arms hanging at my side

I gaze beyond the mocking, haughty summit

I am immovable, steadfast

My relentless hope furiously ablaze

Foothold after foothold

Among the jagged rocks and craggy ledges

Exposed and laid bare

A disassembling of strategy

Unarranged by a chorus of truth

Each jagged rock and craggy ledge graciously

And persistently overcome by faith

A stronghold of woes

Laid waste by a fortress of victory

"Behold, I am against you, O destroying mountain, you who devastate the whole earth," declares the Lord.  "I will stretch out My hand against you; I will roll you over the cliffs, and turn you into a charred mountain. They will not take from you even a stone for a corner, nor a stone for foundations, but you will be desolate forever," declares the Lord. (Jer 51:25,26)

Afterward the disciples came to Jesus privately and asked, "Why couldn't we drive it out?" He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matt 17:19,20)

"Have faith in God," Jesus answered. "Truly I tell you that if anyone says to this mountain, 'Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and has no doubt in his heart but believes that it will happen, it will be done for him.  Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand to pray, if you hold anything against another, forgive it, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your trespasses as well." (Mark 11:22-25)