The Necessary Cliff

I find it remarkable that after all my “Christian” striving and acquiring, the end of my path still leads to the foot of the cross. I have found myself in this place before.

A few years ago, after serving in the church for seven years, in the middle of my junior year at Moody Bible College, I sat on the floor by the side of my bed and wept, shoulders slumped over in despair and exhausted, as the true understanding of the cross of Christ came crashing down all around me. Broken, defeated, humiliated, confused. I asked God, “Why?” All that time, all that work, all that effort, and it only led to the end of myself. It only led to the realization that the only thing I really accomplished was to learn how not to follow Jesus, how not to serve Jesus, to learn what church wasn’t, what Christianity wasn’t. After all my effort, I found myself at the dead-end of a path that led to a rough-hewn cross.

Even then, He allowed me to get up and think, “I will now continue on, I will rise higher, I will go further as I seek the Lord where He may be found.” He let me get up and walk. He let me read all the books and pray all the prayers and hear all the teachings. He let me strive for holiness and acquire knowledge, yet time after time, when I round the final corner and look up to see what I have gained, the end of the path is the foot of the cross. Whether walking after wisdom, holiness, patience, love, or whatever endeavor, whatever pursuit, His answer has always been the same. The path has always led to the foot of the cross.

After all this time, I have learned that the cross is our necessary cliff. Beloved, we must come to this understanding. The foot of the cross is where all our wandering and pursuits and endeavors will always lead. The cross sits at the end of every path we take in the name of the Lord. It sits upon a cliff that overlooks a vast, impassable chasm. For it is here that we must come the understanding that to go on any further, we cannot do it by human ingenuity or effort. It is here that we must understand that our hands are nailed to this cross so that we cannot work according to our own will, and our feet are nailed so that we cannot walk the path of our own reasoning and desire. The only way forward, the only way off this cliff is to be pinned down hand-and-foot and die to yourself. Completely.

Oswald Chambers speaks of this cliff as the place where you stop being, and Christ begins living in you and through you. The place where we “stop being the intensely striving Christian” we have been. Because to go further from this place—this cliff which overlooks an impassable abyss—we do not strive for goodness or practice religion, we yield to death (Rom 6:3). It is here, on this cliff, that we learn to wait upon the Lord. It is here that He teaches our soul how to correctly seek Him and wait quietly for His salvation (Lam 3:25, 26). It is here, as we sit in darkness and silence and unknowing, that He teaches us that He is gracious and merciful (Isaiah 30:18), that He is faithful to hear us (Micah 7:7), and it is in the discipline and agony of waiting that our strength is renewed and we are given wings like an eagle to mount up from this cliff and soar over the abyss and into His eternal provision (Isaiah 40:30,31).

You see beloved, for so long I said in my heart, “I will continue, I will rise, I will go, I will work, I will teach, I will preach, I will acquire…” But for so long, all my striving was in my own strength. The Lord allows this to teach us. He allows us to seek Him in our own strength, but the end of that path is the same for all of us. And we either face that truth now and willingly yield to it, or we will face it later and be judged by it.

(Col 3:1-3) Therefore, since you have been raised with Christ, strive for the things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you have died, and your life has been hidden with Christ in God.

(Gal 2:20) I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

(Romans 6:5-7) For if we have been united with Him like this in His death, we will certainly also be united with Him in His resurrection. We know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body of sin might be rendered powerless, that we should no longer be slaves to sin. For anyone who has died has been freed from sin.

(Acts 17:30,31) Although God overlooked the ignorance of earlier times, He now commands all people everywhere to repent. For He has set a day when He will judge the world with justice by the Man He has appointed. He has given proof of this to everyone by raising Him from the dead.

Blessed Are The Merciful

Last night I slept fitfully. Through the night, the Spirit roused me several times asking the same question: “What is between the cherubim?” At least four or five times I was roused with the same question being put into my mind: “What is between the cherubim?” And each time I would answer, “The presence of God…” and fall back into unconsciousness. The last time I was roused by the Spirit asking “What is between the cherubim?”, I woke up completely as I realized something else, and I said, “Mercy….it’s the mercy seat…mercy is between the cherubim.”

On top of the Ark of the Covenant, the cherubim face each other and between the convex of their wings, the presence of God would appear. But the cherubim sit upon the lid of the Ark and that lid is called “the mercy seat”, or the literal meaning of the Hebrew word “kipporeth” which means “a cover over sin” (Ex 25:17-22). It is in this place of covering over sin that God teaches us that He is merciful. It is only because of His mercy that we have propitiation for our sin, and it is in this place of mercy that He meets with us to speak to us and be in relationship with us (Ex 25:22).

Because our very existence and relationship with God is only because of His mercy, and because we were created to bear His image, He requires us to be merciful as well. This was why Jesus pronounced judgment upon the Pharisees at Matthew 23:13-36. When reading this passage, the rules of interpretation apply, most importantly the rule of literary genre. The Gospels are narrative, and narrative is description not prescription. Narrative describes events, and our job is to determine what the spiritual principles are in the text and how to apply them. Sometimes there is nothing for us to apply, there is only information given to us for understanding. Therefore in this particular passage, we are reading a description of Jesus passing His final sentence upon the Pharisees, He is formally declaring heavenly judgment here, rather than us being given a prescription for a behavior model. Only God can pass a sentence like this, not us.

In this passage of Jesus’ pronouncement of judgment, He tells them at verse 23, “Woe to you…for you tithe mint and dill and cumin and have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness…these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others.” The Pharisees judged according to the flesh, rather than according to the Spirit and their judgment was merciless (John 8:15,16). At Matthew 9:13, when the Pharisees condemn Jesus for eating with sinners and tax collectors, Jesus tells them, “Go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice,’ for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” And again at Matthew 12:7, when the Pharisees condemn Jesus’ followers for breaking the Sabbath Jesus tells them, “But if you had known what this means, ‘I desire mercy and not sacrifice,’ you would not have condemned the innocent.”

When Jesus repeats Himself, we need to listen. Jesus is quoting Hosea 6:6 in these passages, where God says, “I delight in mercy rather than sacrifice, and in the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings.” Again, God says at Micah 6:8, “He has told you, O man, what is good: And what does the Lord require of you but to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?” This is God’s word to us right now, to me, to you, to all those who call themselves by His name. To all those who bring their brother or sister before the throne of God and levy charges against them, calling out their sin. What God want us to understand is that we must tread humbly here. We must be careful not to trespass into a place that is only reserved for God.

Jesus instructs us that our judgement must be without hypocrisy, which means we must first allow our own hearts to be searched and sifted before we attempt to remove the speck from someone else’s eye (Matthew 7:3-5). He also warns us that the standard of measure we use, will be the standard of measure used upon us (Matt 7:2). Therefore, we are warned by James that we must “speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom. For judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment” (Ja’s 2:13).

Brothers and sisters, I tremble as I write this because Jesus is coming back to judge this earth and none of us will escape His judgment seat (2 Cor 5:10). And we see at Matthew 25:31-46, when Jesus returns for judgment and divides the sheep from the goats, His standard of measurement is those who showed mercy. So the Spirit asks, “What is between the cherubim?” And what He wants us to understand is that mercy…...mercy is between the cherubim. The place where we meet God is a place of mercy, and thus, that should be a reflection of how we meet with everyone else.

(Matt 6:14,15) For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.

(Matt 5:7-9) Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

(Luke 6:35-37) But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them, expecting nothing in return. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

(John 7:24) Stop judging by outward appearances, and start judging justly.

(2 Cor 10:6) You are looking at outward appearances. If anyone is confident that he belongs to Christ, he should remind himself that we belong to Christ just as much as he does.

(1 Cor 4:3-5) I care very little, however, if I am judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not vindicate me. It is the Lord Who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.

Tested Trust

Will you trust Me when you cannot hear Me,

When it seems like I’m not there?
Will you trust Me in the trenches,
In the darkness and despair?
Will you trust Me when you’re hurting,
And there seems no end in sight?
Will you trust Me when it seems you’re forsaken,
And I call upon you to die?

Will you trust Me only in the good times,
Or will you also trust Me in the bad?
Will you trust Me only when you are happy,
Or also when you are sad?
Will you trust Me only when you understand,
Or also when you don’t?
Will you trust Me only when My answer is “I will,”
Or also when I say “I won’t”?

You say that you have faith
You say that you believe
But when I put you to the test
Will you turn back and retreat?

You see, a faith that is never tested
Is really no faith at all
A promise that is not kept
Remains behind the wall

The wall of fire must be stepped through
To prove that you believe
It is only those who do this
Who truly have my eternal seed

The crucible is for silver
And the furnace is for gold
The wall of fire tests everyone
The only difference is the mold

(2 Tim 2:19-21) Nevertheless, God’s firm foundation stands, bearing this seal: “The Lord knows those who are His,” and, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord must turn away from iniquity.” A large house contains not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay. Some indeed are for honorable use, but others are for common use. So if anyone cleanses himself of what is unfit, he will be a vessel for honor: sanctified, useful to the Master, and prepared for every good work.

(Prov 17:3) A crucible for silver and a furnace for gold, but the Lord is the tester of hearts.

(1 Cor 3:13- 15) If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, or straw, his workmanship will be evident, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will prove the quality of each man’s work. If what he has built survives, he will receive a reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss. He himself will be saved, but only as if through the flames.

Come Lord Jesus

I’m not even gonna try to act like I’m some kind of wise sage that always has something super deep and meaningful to say, because I don’t. Today as I wept and prayed I simply said, “Jesus please come back and sort out this gigantic mess we’ve made.”

I’m gonna be real honest here….religious people make me tired. I know that may sound terrible, and I know that some of you may be wondering what I mean since I’m constantly yapping about Jesus, but I’m just being painfully transparent. There are times where I look around at all our church-dom and think, “…I’m thinkin’ that you’re thinkin’ that you are helping God and speaking on His behalf, but I really don’t think you are. I’m thinkin’ you might be speaking from your own heart, not His.” I fear God, I tremble before Him because I am aware of my limitations and ignorance, so I often ask God to show me my wrong way of thinking. I pray for Him to not allow me to think I am doing Him a service when I’m really not. And lately I’ve been wondering if all of us are praying that like we should. 

I’ve taken a break from Facebook because it gets so loud on there. Everyone has something to say, something to teach. When I look at what church-dom has become I think of Isaiah’s words at 47:13, “You are wearied by your many counsels…” Lately, I have felt the weight of that in my soul. I look around and think to myself, “Do any of us really know? We’re all looking around thinking this or that person knows, but the only one who truly knows is Jesus, so I’mma stick with Him.” I’ve withdrawn for a little while because I don’t want to be just another voice adding to the confusion. I don’t want to be fodder, I want to give people real food. And honestly, as I sit here in the darkness and silence for a little while, I’ve asked God to teach me what real food is because sometimes I wonder if we really know anymore. Our counsels are so many—so many voices, so many perspectives of Scripture and opinions and teachings. Lord, help us we are drowning in a stormy sea of our own making. 

So, my prayer lately is for Christ to bring us back to the basics. To raze the monstrosity of church-dom to its foundation, so that He can build, instead of us. To close our mouths as we sit in the dust and remember we are dust. To sit in the darkness and silence for a little while so that we can learn to truly trust Him. So that we can really make sure we are hearing His voice, rather than our own. To make sure we are truly following Him, rather than someone else. Brothers and sisters, I say this as a plea that you may join me in my simple prayer: “Jesus please come back and sort out this gigantic mess we’ve made…”

(Psalm 127:2) Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain; unless the Lord protects the city, its watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for bread to eat—for He gives sleep to His beloved.

(Isaiah 26:20,21) Go, my people, enter your rooms and shut your doors behind you. Hide yourselves a little while until the wrath has passed. For behold, the Lord is coming out of His dwelling to punish the inhabitants of the earth for their iniquity. The earth will reveal her bloodshed and will no longer conceal her slain. 

(John 21:20-22) Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them…When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain until I return, what is that to you? You follow Me.”

Ministers Of Milk And Meat

Life is simple for my five-year old daughter. She knows nothing of the world other than her family, her likes, her dislikes. There is a very complicated world that surrounds her, but she is incapable of perceiving it because she is five. For me, life is not quite so simple. I have lived through mistakes, I have witnessed tragedy, I have seen real evil, I have a depth of understanding of life and the world that my five year-old daughter does not. I know about bills and taxes and cancer and rape and abortion and economics and politics and history. Because I understand more, I am able to perceive that my daughter’s simple life is couched in a much more complicated world. 

I teach my daughter at the pace she is able to comprehend. If I tried to tell her about all the other things in the world that lay outside of her simple perception of it, it would make no sense to her. Whatever I tell her would mean nothing because she has no ability to relate to it, because she is five, and she has only experienced simplicity. As we go through life and we gain experience, as we walk through myriad circumstances, both good and bad, we gain understanding. We gain depth. It is the same way with our relationship with God.

I have four daughters and I deal with each of them at their level of understanding. All four of my daughters’ lives began in simplicity. But as they grow and experience life, they grow in their understanding of the complexities and difficulties of their world that they were incapable of perceiving at a younger age. My job as their mother, is to prepare them for the complexities and difficulties of life that they will inevitably encounter. If I were to continue to relate to my teenager as a five year-old, I would never prepare her for all that she will encounter as she matures. On the other hand, if I were to attempt to relate to my five year-old as a teenager, I will expect things from her that she is not yet capable of understanding.

It is the same way with ministry. We deal with people at various stages of spiritual growth and understanding of God. When we speak of deeper things, those who have not experienced those things are baffled. When we speak of simpler things, those who long for the deeper things are frustrated and demand more. A good shepherd is able to maintain the balance. When you minister solely milk, the mature starve. When you minister solely meat, the immature choke. Discernment is needed to know how to give the proper food at the proper time, because the goal with both milk and meat is preparation. Ministers are called to work according to the will of God in a person’s life, discerning the leading of the Spirit in such a way that they help bring sheep to maturity and to prepare them to stand before their Lord.


(Matt 5:7) Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

(Matt 24:45,46) Who then is the faithful and wise servant whom the master has put in charge of his household, to give the others their food at the proper time? Blessed is that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns. 

(1 Cor 3:1-3) Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual, but as worldly—as infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for solid food. In fact, you are still not ready, for you are still worldly...

(Heb 5:12-14) Although by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to reteach you the basic principles of God’s word. You need milk, not solid food. For everyone who lives on milk is still an infant, inexperienced in the message of righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained their senses to distinguish good from evil.

Here There Be Dragons

I thought I would find You in the light 

I thought I would grow in understanding
By the sound of Your voice
But it was here in the darkness
That I have come to know You
In the silence, I am able to discern Your voice

My flesh says that You are not there
My eyes tell me that I am alone
But You bring to my remembrance
That I walk by faith, not sight
That I hear with my spirit, not my ears

You said You desire those who will worship in spirit and truth
Yet we strive to know You with mind and reason
You emptied Yourself on the cross to show us the way
Yet we endeavor to fill ourselves with things that will pass away
We long for You, yet we resist
We cry out to You, yet shake our fist
We think “He is trying to kill me!”
Yet, You are
Because it is our death
Which ends this war

How many have you brought to this dark place
This plateau of silence
To teach them hope
To work into them perseverance
To increase their capacity for You
Yet instead of hope, they give way to doubt
Instead of perseverance, they give way to fickleness
Instead of increasing capacity for You
They stay filled with themselves

Break us, O Lord
Break us from the notion that self is safe
Yes, self is safe but You are costly
Break us, O Lord
Break us from the notion that the fig leaf hides us
Yes, the fig leaf hides us but You expose
Break us, O Lord

So many think they walk in light
But their light is darkness
It is only an illusion
I thought I was sitting in the dark
But the darkness was light
It was only an illusion
Those who see, are blind
And those who are blind, see

So many think they hear
But they only hear themselves
It is only noise
I thought I could not hear
But faith speaks silently to the heart
Silence is the sound of Your voice
Those who have ears to hear, let them hear
Those who have ears in their spirit, rather than their head

Contentment upon the plateau of silence, hope in the midst of darkness
You work into us the gamut
This is true wisdom, this is Your image
You ask, “Are you willing to endure the gamut?”
To know the beginning from the end, the Alpha and Omega
The range of being:
Utter joy from utter sorrow
Utter understanding from utter ignorance
Utter life from utter death
To know You is to know the gamut 

To know contentment whether silent or speaking, whether darkness or light

This is the place light seeks to shine forth
From here, the light reaches every space
It seeks the deepest place
The furthest reaches
But so few are willing to travel here
We want to bring our own light with us
We tremble before the maw of darkness
We writhe in the agony of “wait”

Yet You say, “Hush child and be still
It is here that you must trust
Listen child, and you will
Know Me the way that you must
Here there be dragons that lurk in the dark
Do not fear them, only believe
Believe that I will never fail you
For it is the proof of your trust that brings you reprieve”


(Psalm 139:7-12) Where can I go to escape Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed In Sheol, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle by the farthest sea, even there Your hand will guide me; Your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me, and the light become night around me”—even the darkness is not dark to You, but the night shines like the day, for darkness is as light to You.

Back To The Basics

Father, forgive me for everything I’ve ever done in Your name on my own initiative 

Father, forgive me for being guided by my own heart rather than Yours
Forgive me for confusing my noble ideas
With Your sovereign will and plan
Forgive me for attempting to teach righteousness
When I had yet to allow You to thoroughly sift my own heart
Forgive me for judging others’ sinfulness
When I should have asked You to judge mine
For comparing myself to others
When I should have only compared myself to You
For putting them under a microscope
While You were gathering them under Your grace

You bring us to the mirror
You show us our sin
We weep and we mourn
And then we strive to please You
We strive in our good works
We proclaim, “Be good! Be good!”
Not understanding that there is no good
Outside of Your Son

You let us exhaust ourselves in our own goodness
You let us crow and stomp and rant and rave
You let us pour out condemnation
You let us accuse and throw others into the grave
Until we finally see
Our righteousness is rags
Until we finally see
“There is no one righteous, not even one”

Oh Lord, thank You for showing me
That I can never be good enough
Thank you for teaching me
That I can never do right always
Thank you for revealing to me
That I can never measure up
You have brought me to the crux of eternity
You have made known my critical need
You have worked Your Spirit into the quick of my soul 

You have provided Your eternal seed

You have shown me the truth of my very being
And now I see, there is no goodness in me

I confess, “I am poor in spirit”
And I mourn as I confess
I humble myself before You
As I hunger and thirst for righteousness
Let me be merciful to those who need You
Oh Lord, make me pure of heart
Use me as a peacemaker
That I may truly be a Son of God
Let me not be a persecutor, instead of the persecuted
Oh Lord, please hear my last request
Let me not be one who insults, instead of one who is insulted
In Your Spirit alone, may my soul find rest

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the humble and gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you,
And falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. (Matt 5:3-9)

(Luke 18:9-14) And He also told this parable to some people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and viewed others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I pay tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God be merciful to me, the sinner!’ I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”