The reality is, we are all a mess and we all need Jesus every
second of every day. Some days will seem
more desperate than others. It is on
those days that we are reminded of just how fragile and insufficient we are to
fight this battle in our own strength. I
can't tell you how many times I have just wanted to throw my hands up in the
air and walk away-- frustrated, disgusted, defeated. But then I remind myself of Jesus' words, "Because of the increase of
wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but the one who stands firm and
endures to the end will be saved." (Matthew 24:12,13). I remind myself that I fight this battle
because it is a battle worth fighting.
I have cried out to God so many times, asking Him why He
made me the way He did-- a woman with the heart of a lion, with the resolve of
a steel beam, with the determination of a mule.
He made me in such a way that all I know how to do is fight and stand
firm. Just like a vase was made to be a
vase, or cup was made to be a cup, I only know how to do what I was made to
do. The devil screams in my face that
there is no place for such a woman in the church, he beats me over the head
with scriptures that say a woman is to be silent and gentle (1 Cor 14:34; 1 Tim
2:11,12). I am not quiet, nor gentle, so
I often find myself wondering where I belong.
The devil knows our weaknesses, so he sweetly whispers in my ear,
"You don't belong anywhere."
I may not know my end-game purpose and I may still be figuring out
my place, but the one thing I do know is that the devil is a liar. I also know that God is perfect in mercy and
perfect in love and I cannot base my relationship with Him on my feelings and
misperceptions. God's word says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He
will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4). The desires of my heart are to change lives,
save souls and pierce people's hearts with the truth of God's word, and I
believe that God will use me to do that, even if my only weapons are a box of
Kleenex and a pile of snotty tissues.
Jesus never promised us that our commitment to follow Him
would be easy. On the contrary, He
warned us that the world would hate us (John 15:18; John 17:14; 1 John 3:13),
that we would have many trials and sorrows (John 16:33), that our hearts would
be troubled and to not succumb to fear (John 14:27), and that we would endure
many hardships to enter the kingdom of heaven (Acts 14:22). But God has promised that we wouldn't have to
fight alone (Deut 31:8; John 14:16-18) and that we would be more than
conquerors through our great, mighty and capable Savior Who loves us (Rom 8:37).
"Trust in the
Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight
yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit
your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it. He will bring forth
your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Rest in the
Lord and wait patiently for Him;" (Psalm 37:3-7)
"For then you
will delight yourself in the Almighty and lift up your face to God. You will
pray to Him, and He will hear you;" (Job 22:26,27)
"Cast your
burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous
to be shaken." (Psalm 55:22)
"Blessed be
the Lord, who daily bears our burden, The God who is our salvation."
(Psalm 68:19)
"How precious
are your thoughts about me, O God. How vast is the sum of them!" (Psalm
139:17)
