Mirror, Mirror

Often times, churches receive a steady stream of people asking for money.  I've heard all kinds of reasons given for why people want money from our church:  because they couldn't pay their light bill and their electricity got turned off and all the food in their refrigerator went bad and they needed money to buy more food; because they lost everything in Hurricane Harvey (2 years ago) and needed gas to get to Pasadena so they could get money from their sister-in-law; because they needed to pay rent and weren't going to start their new job until next week.  Even as  type this, a flood of faces come through my mind of all the people who have asked us for help and all their reasons for asking swirl together into one, big indiscernible pot of need.  This is reality for many churches.  And quite often, churches begin to become desensitized to the need around them because not only is it perpetual, but also because quite often, it is spurious at best and an outright hustle at worst.  At best, those with legitimate need are looked upon with doubt and suspicion, or at worst, they are overlooked or sent elsewhere, because those who were fraudulent caused church leaders to feel forced to shut the gates of mercy in protection over the church body.  It is in these types of situations in which the bad apples inevitably spoil the whole barrel.

Jesus commands us, "Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you" (Matt 5:42).  Jesus did not put conditions on His command for us to help.  He did not give us any guidelines as to how to practically walk this out in the body of believers.  He left that up to us.  And the conditions we place upon that command will reveal how much of God's image we are genuinely capable of reflecting.

Throughout my life, God didn't help me because I deserved it or because I had earned it or because I had proved myself worthy of responsibly handling His help.  God helped me because He is merciful and because unmitigated kindness is a reflection of His character.  Quite frankly, most of the times God helped me, I did not deserve His help, nor was I in a position in which I showed responsible handling of His help after-the-fact.  Quite often I squandered it, and soon found myself right back in another situation in which I needed His help again.  God helped me because of Who He is, not because of who I am.  When I look back over my life, I can only feel gratitude for God not basing His willingness to help me upon my character, but rather, upon His.  I can only feel gratitude for Him helping me again and again, even when I failed and didn't live up to His standards.  I can only feel gratitude for Him helping me, even when I didn't acknowledge His help or show any gratitude at the time.

I believe that Jesus didn't indulge us with specific details on His command to help, because the way in which we help others is a litmus test which not only indicates our level of spiritual maturity, but also how intimately we know God.  It is the simple, mundane actions of our daily lives that shine our true character the most brightly.  It is our daily actions in which we are the least aware of, which reflect what is truly in our heart.  That is why Jesus refers to our basic actions of daily life:  eating, drinking, clothing, hospitality-- when He returns to separate the righteous from the unrighteous.   He tells us that the righteous feed those who are hungry, give drink to those who are thirsty, give hospitality to strangers and clothes to the needy and care to the sick and company to the imprisoned.  The righteous display their truly regenerated heart by treating people with unmitigated kindness in their daily lives.  And they are also completely unaware of their righteousness, "Then the righteous will answer Him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see You a stranger and invite You in, or needing clothes and clothe You? When did we see You sick or in prison and go to visit You?'" (Matt 25:37-39).  They are unaware that their natural behavior was righteous because it was simply a part of who they are.

I used to think that the greatest impact I was making on people's lives was what I spoke from the pulpit, but I now realize that it's not.  The greatest impact we have upon people's lives is how we treat them.  It is how much of God we reflect in our daily lives.  The purpose of humanity is to reflect God's image.  That's what we were created for, "Then God said, 'Let Us make mankind in our image, in our likeness...'" (Gen 1:26).  We were made to be image bearers of God and to reflect His character in our actions.  We are cut off from knowledge of His character by our sin, but are reconciled back unto Him and are able to know Him through faith in Jesus Christ.  From that moment forward we grow in knowledge of God and with the help of His Holy Spirit, we grow in our ability to reflect His character.  That is why at the end, when Jesus returns to separate the righteous from the unrighteous, His standard of measurement will be how accurately we reflected His image.  Truly, it is our faith in Christ which reconciles us back into relationship with God.  But it is our reflection of His image which is the evidence of that reconciliation.

Mirror, mirror, here on earth

How accurately do you reflect His worth?

"The good man brings good things out of the good treasure of his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil treasure of his heart. For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. Why do you call Me 'Lord, Lord,' but do not do what I say?" (Luke 6:45,46)

"So then by their fruit you will recognize them. Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of My Father in heaven." (Matt 7:20,21)

"Then He will say to those on His left, 'Depart from Me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave Me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave Me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite Me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe Me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after Me.' They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help You?' He will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for Me.' Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life." (Matt 25:41-46)

Spiritual Drill Sergeant

This morning during my prayer time, the Spirit laid on my heart, "Salt is abrasive and light is blinding to those who have been walking in darkness."  The church is in deep apostasy, believers are languishing in darkness and people like me are offensive in a world like this.  But that is exactly what we need at this late hour.  The church needs to be offended.  People need someone abrasive and blinding to snatch them out of their spiritual stupor.  

A drill sergeant doesn't coddle his soldiers because he is making them into warriors.  He is teaching them how to be a formidable force against a very real and very strong foe.  The drill sergeant sets the bar high, impossibly high and he reaches for that standard not only in his own life, but he also pushes his soldiers to reach for that impossibly high standard in theirs.  Throughout boot camp, the drill sergeant is hated, despised, looked upon with disdain and contempt.  Throughout boot camp, the drill sergeant is enemy number one, because the soldiers have yet to engage with their real enemy.  But that is exactly what the drill sergeant is training them for.  

Day after day the drill sergeant exposes weakness, calls out error, day after day the soldiers are pushed to their limit.  Day after day the drill sergeant blares the trumpet early in the morning for his soldiers to rise, and morning after morning the soldiers arise groggy, confused, exhausted from the previous day's training, only to go through it all over again with that God-forsaken drill sergeant that won't shut up.  That keeps barking about their failures and pointing out their flaws.  The drill sergeant is the butt of jokes, the common target of contempt among the soldiers, but the drill sergeant doesn't care because he doesn't see his soldiers for what they are now, but for what they will become.  The drill sergeant looks to what lies ahead.

One of the things that the Spirit laid on my heart early on, was that I can only reproduce what I am.  If I am a mediocre disciple, then I will only reproduce mediocrity.  If I am a half-built tower, then I can only teach people to build half a tower.  Jesus said we are to be perfect, even as our Heavenly Father is perfect (Matt 5:48).  As believers in Christ, our standard is perfection because that is what we are being transformed into.  Paul tells us that we are to forget what lies behind and reach forward to what lies ahead, pressing onward toward the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Phil 3:13,14).  Every born again believer is indwelled by the Holy Spirit, giving them the power of Almighty God to be transformed into His image.  Therefore, we are to press onward and upward toward that image, leaving behind all that isn't.

I remember many years ago when I went to my brother's graduation from Marine Corps boot camp, seeing all those young men walking in step, immaculate in form, their eyes straight ahead, completely focused as they moved in total unity.  I remember the sound of their feet as they marched, a low rumble in perfect rhythm, and I remember thinking, "God have mercy on whoever gets in their way."  I remember hearing the stories from his dad about his own Marine Corps boot camp experience.  I remember what both my brother and his dad looked like and acted like before they went to boot camp versus what they looked like and acted like when they came out.  In just a matter of weeks they transformed from boys into men.  They transformed from mediocrity to excellence.  And I remember them both talking about how much they initially hated their drill instructor, but spoke of him with respect, gratitude and honor after it was all said and done.  Salt is abrasive to the soft of skin and light is blinding to those who walk in darkness, therefore only after their transformation could they see what he saw and understand what he understood.

"You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men." (Matt 5:13)

"Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.  For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he had enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, saying, 'This man began to build and was not able to finish.'...So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions." (Luke 14:27-33)

"Therefore, salt is good; but if even salt has become tasteless, with what will it be seasoned? It is useless either for the soil or for the manure pile; it is thrown out. He who has ears to hear, let him hear." (Luke 14:34,35)

"And He was saying to them all, 'If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it. For what is a man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when He comes in His glory and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.'" (Luke 23-26)

Faith When I Fall

I took my 3 year-old and my 7 year-old to a birthday party at the skating rink after church today.  I didn't wear skates, but I walked beside my 3 year-old as she made her best attempt to stay upright for more than three seconds at a time as we slowly circled around the rink, hugging the wall.  She was determined to skate, you could see the resolve on her face.  Every few moments the skates would spin out of control and she would fall down, but before she even hit the ground she was already trying to get back up, undeterred.  Over and over, she fell.  Over and over, she got back up and tried again.  Each time, before she got up, she anxiously looked up at me to see what my reaction would be.  After falling for the five-hundred-and-fifty-eleventh time, she looked up at me and said, "Momma, are you mad at me?"  As I looked down at her I said, "No baby, I'm not mad.  I'm just trying to help you stay on your feet.  I'm not going to leave you.  As long as you are out here trying, I'm going to stay out here with you and help you."

I often try to do the right thing and I fail.  And sometimes I'm tempted to look up at God and ask, "Are you mad at me?"  I'm tempted to think that He gets frustrated at watching me fail over and over again.  I tend to unconsciously project human weaknesses upon God, such as impatience and frustration, forgetting that His character is the embodiment of perfection.  It's hard for me to imagine someone like that, someone utterly incorruptible, because I am so encased in imperfection and it's all I've ever known.  

I often expect God to lose His patience with me like I do with my own children.  So I often feel myself anxiously looking to God every time I fall down, to see what His reaction is going to be.  And I have to remind myself that God loves me far more than I could ever love my own daughter and His words to me would be far greater and far more loving than my words to her:  "No my daughter, I am not mad.  I'm just trying to help you stay on your feet.  I'm not going to leave you.  As long as you are out here trying, and even when you're not, I'm going to stay here with you and help you.  I will never, ever leave you."

"Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid or terrified of them, for it is the Lord your God Who goes with you; He will never leave you or forsake you...The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (Deut 31:6,8)

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will surely help you; I will uphold you with My right hand of righteousness." (Isaiah 41:10)

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you go through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, and the flames will not set you ablaze." (Isaiah 43:2)

"I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never turn away from doing good to them, and I will put My fear in their hearts so that they will never turn away from Me." (Jer 32:40)

"...and surely I am with you always, even unto the very end of the age." (Matt 28:20)

Tornado Hands

I took my 7 and 3 year-olds to the grocery store with me today.  When we got in the store, I told them not to touch anything.  As soon as they began walking with me down the aisle, they touched everything they saw.  I call it "tornado hands" because that's what it feels like as a mother to have four sets of hands grabbing at everything in sight and trying to maintain order and keep them from breaking something or shoving random items that we don't need in the buggy.  For this particular trip, I only had to worry about two sets of hands, but they were still tornado hands, nonetheless.

As soon as we were the on the side of the store that is furthest away from the bathroom, my 3 year-old said, "Mommy, I have to go potty."  To which I replied, "Of course you do."  So, we packed a mule with supplies and began our long journey to the other side of the world so I could take her to the bathroom.  When we got into the bathroom, I told her not to touch anything.  When we got into the stall, I told her not to touch anything.  When I put her on the potty, I told her not to touch anything, to just hold onto me because everything else was dirty and could make her sick.  I told her to just hold onto me so she didn't fall.  I stood very close to her, I never left her.  And as soon as she was done, she put both hands on the toilet seat. 

I looked down at her and I said, "What did I tell you not to do?" 

She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said, "Not to touch anything." 

I said, "And what did you just do?" 

Still looking upwards at me with those big brown eyes she said, "Touched something."

And in that moment, I thought of the Garden and of God and of Adam and Eve.

In that moment, I realized, we are all Eve.

We all hear what God instructs us to do, and choose otherwise.

We are also all Adam.

We have all pointed our finger at someone else and thrown them under the bus to duck accountability for our own actions.

If it had been us instead of Adam and Eve, every single one of us would have done the same thing.

Just like I tell my daughter not to touch dirty things because they will make her sick, God also tells us not to touch sinful things because they are dirty and can make us spiritually sick.  He tells us not to do certain things because He knows that they will only draw us further away from Him.  He tells us to hold onto Him so we don't fall.  He stays very close to us and never leaves us, yet we still try to balance ourselves by grabbing onto things that He doesn't want us to touch.

Lord, cure us from our tornado hands.

"What agreement can exist between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: 'I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be My people.' Therefore come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord, touch no unclean thing and I will receive you. And: 'I will be a Father to you, and you will be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.'" (2 Cor 6:16-18)

"Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to falsehood, who does not swear deceitfully." (Psalm 24:3,4)

"Then I heard another voice from heaven say: 'Come out of her, my people, so that you will not share in her sins or receive any of her plagues. For her sins are piled up to heaven, and God has remembered her iniquities.'" (Rev 18:4,5)

"The Lord has rewarded me according to my righteousness; He has repaid me according to the cleanness of my hands. For I have kept the ways of the Lord and have not wickedly departed from my God. For all His rules are before me; I have not disregarded His statutes." (Psalm 18:20-22)

Bungled By A Book Cart

When I picked up my 3 year-old from school today, she ran through the hallways like a total savage.  She skipped ahead of me and then tripped over her own feet and fell down.  She got up, looked back at me while running, bumped into a book cart and fell again.  Over and over I kept telling her to come back to me.  To stop running ahead.  But she wouldn't listen.

As I watched her run to and fro and tumble and fall and get back up and do it all over again, seemingly oblivious to my voice of correction and guidance, I thought, "This is what it must be like for God trying to deal with us."  How many times have I run out ahead of God, only to trip over my own feet and fall on my face?  How many times have I run around aimlessly and looked back to make sure God was still there, only to turn back around to continue along my own path and slam into a wall?  How many times have I acted like a little toddler, stubbornly following my own reason, holding on tightly to the things that I want and refusing to let go?  All the while, God stands patiently waiting, allowing me to wear myself out because even God knows you can't bargain with a toddler.

"Submit to God and be at peace with Him; in this way prosperity will come to you.

Accept instruction from His mouth and lay up His words in your heart.

If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored:

If you remove wickedness far from your tent and assign your nuggets to the dust,

Your gold of Ophir to the rocks in the ravines,

Then the Almighty will be your gold, the choicest silver for you.

Surely then you will find delight in the Almighty, and will lift up your face to God.

You will pray to Him, and He will hear you, and you will fulfill your vows.

What you decide on will be done, and light will shine on your ways.

When people are brought low and you say, 'Lift them up!'

Then He will save the downcast.

He will deliver even one who is not innocent,

Who will be delivered through the cleanness of your hands."

(Job 22:21-30)

Mount Moriah Moment

As a person grows in their relationship with God, they will encounter many forks in the road.  The number of forks which are encountered are directly related to how much of God you want in your life.  How much of God do you want revealed to you?  There is a poem written in 1970 by Wilbur Rees entitled, "$3 Worth of God." 

I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please.

Not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep,

But just enough to equal a cup of warm milk or a snooze in the sunshine.

I don't want enough of Him to make me love a black man or pick beets with a migrant.

I want ecstasy, not transformation.

I want the warmth of the womb, not a new birth.

I want about a pound of the eternal in a paper sack.

I'd like to buy $3 worth of God, please.

This is the tragic state of the Western Church.  We want God, but we want Him on our terms and at our comfort level.  We don't mind asking God for revival, but not very many people want to invest their personal time at the prayer meetings that are required for it.  We sing, "Show us your glory Lord!  Show us your power!" utterly failing to realize that God only reveals His glory through sacrifice and suffering, and He never works His power through anyone who has yet to prove that they are trustworthy to wield it.  I prayed for Christ to reveal Himself to me as He truly is, and what I found at the end of the path was a rejected cross.  I found suffering and personal torment.  I found the loss of my heart's desire.  I found that I must be broken from my own understanding of myself.  I found the true meaning of Paul's words at Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ in me."  True knowledge of self can only come from the One Who created you, all other perceptions must die.

When we look at the life of Abraham, we see a man whose heart's desire was to have offspring.  He longed for children and God finally gave him his heart's desire, then asked him to give it back.  Why?  Why would God do such a thing?  Because He cannot allow us to hold on to anything tighter than Him.  God asked Abraham to sacrifice the very thing that gave him hope and his identity-- his son Isaac-- because Abraham's hope and identity could only be found in God alone.  And God will do the very same thing with us to the degree we allow it.  And the more we surrender, the more we will grow in knowledge of Him and the more He will work through us to accomplish His purposes.

As we grow spiritually, God will strip things away from us in order to purify us.  He will examine our hearts over and over, sifting through them to find any impurities, anything that would be a stumbling block, temptation, or hindrance to us.  And one day, we will find ourselves on our own Mount Moriah, tightly gripping the very thing we love most and God will ask us for it.  He will give us the choice to hand it over and prove our loyalty and to example the purity of our heart towards Him.  And it will be excruciating.  And on that day you will die.  But in such a death to self, you will find new life.  You will know and trust God in a way that you would have otherwise never been able to do.  It takes an inordinate amount of faith to die to the thing you love most, to die to the person you think you are, to die to the things you think you deserve or are entitled to.  But without faith, it is not only impossible to please God (Heb 11:6), but it is also impossible to see Him as He truly is.

You see, for us to know Christ as He really is, for Christ to reveal Himself to us in all His glory, we must know suffering.  We must be intimately acquainted with loss and torment of soul, because that is what Christ experienced while here on this earth.  That is Who He truly is.  He is the God Who suffered, thus that is how we ultimately come to know Him.  When we ask for God to reveal Himself to us, we want to jump straight to the image of the glorified Christ, failing to remember that His suffering and torment came first, because that is what God used to bring Him to glory.  So the question remains for all of us, how much of God do we want in our life?  The more of God you have in your life, the more of Himself He reveals to you, the more you will know torment of soul and sacrifice.  There is no other way.  Jesus said, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." (Matt 5:8)  Unfortunately, purity of heart only comes from passing it through the furnace. 

"Then God said, 'Take your son, your only son, whom you love--Isaac-- and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you." (Gen 22:2)

"But we see Jesus, Who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because He suffered death, so that by the grace of God He might taste death for everyone. In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting for God, for Whom and through Whom all things exist, to make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through suffering." (Heb 2:9.10)

"I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead." (Phil 3:10,11)

"And if we are children, then we are heirs: heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ-- if indeed we suffer with Him, so that we may also be glorified with Him." (Rom 8:17)

"For just as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." (2 Cor 1:5)

The God Who Hears

Lady Wisdom crouches in the street,

Looking around herself in horror

At the carcasses of truth strewn about her

Like the countless abortions of the innocent which bear our guilt

So truth lies in the street

Rejected, dismembered, despised

Weeping, she gathers them to herself

Holding them in her arms

She looks up to the sky

And bellows a guttural cry,

"WHY?!?"

The primal, soul-shrieking cry of a mother,

Who has stumbled upon her dead child

"WHY?"

It echoes through the street 

And rises through the clouds

Reaching the throne of heaven

The rotting carcasses of truth in her hands,

She reaches toward the sky displaying them

Listlessly dangling in all their horrific glory

As if giving an offering to a god who does not hear

"LOOK!" she demands

"Look and see what has become of truth!"

As if we could demand anything from God

As if God cannot hear our cries

As if God cannot see our tormented hearts

A fleeting moment of hopelessness tries to force its way in

But her tears of grief push back like insistent waves  

From an ocean of sorrow, but not of despair

No, but the smoldering sorrow of yet-realized hope

Surrounded by death

And the darkness of men's hearts

Hope holds out

Grief, horror and angst woven together 

In one last strand of hope

Hope in the One Who sees

In one, hushed moment

All of creation looks up with tear-stained cheeks

The longing of a thousand years and a thousand hearts

Mended in a moment

As the light breaks forth from above

The force of restoration driving downward through the clouds

As the blinding rays of light 

Hit each limp carcass of truth

It rises up

Truth begins to rise

Life is Given 

Light shines forth

Yes, truth arises

Lady Wisdom stands

Vindicated by the God Who hears

"So justice is driven back,

and righteousness stands at a distance;

truth has stumbled in the streets, honesty cannot enter.

Truth is nowhere to be found, 

and whoever shuns evil becomes a prey.

The Lord looked and was displeased

that there was no justice.

He saw that there was no one,

He was appalled that there was no one to intervene;

so His own arm achieved salvation for Him,

and His own righteousness sustained Him...

Arise, shine, for your light has come,

and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.

See, darkness covers the earth

and thick darkness is over the peoples,

but the Lord rises upon you

and His glory appears over you."

(Isaiah 59:14-16; 60:1,2)

The Restoration Of Devastation

I looked out and saw a barren wasteland.  The black ashes of faith and the smoldering tendrils of compromise rising into the air.  Black and gray, waterless and lifeless, as far as the horizon and beyond.  As I looked down at my feet in hopelessness, I saw that I was standing on a small circle of green grass.  Where I stood, there was life.  I looked back up at the black desolation and prayed with longing in my heart, "Father, regain this ground."  

As I prayed, I looked back down at the small patch of green at my feet and it began to slowly radiate outward.  As hope began to fill my heart, so the green began to reclaim the black.  I set my face against the blackness and spoke truth.  As I spoke, I began to see others standing on small patches of green.  They were alone, they were scattered, but when the truth was spoken they stood alert and were drawn to it.  Like moths to a flame, they came to the green grass that radiated outward.  They began to gather together, and as they gathered, their own small patches began to radiate outward.  An island of life and a pasture of truth began to slowly reclaim the barren wasteland.  As life begets life, so faith begets faith.  The faith among the few kindles the hope in their hearts and the life of the Son radiates outward, drawing, reclaiming, restoring.

"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a basket. Instead, they set it on a lampstand, and it gives light to everyone in the house." (Matt 5:14,15)

"The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining brighter and brighter until midday. But the way of the wicked is like the darkest gloom; they do not know what makes them stumble." (Prov 4:18,19)

"They go from strength to strength, until each appears before God in Zion. O Lord God of Hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob." (Ps 84:7,8)

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and perverse generation in which you shine as lights in the world as you hold forth the word of life;" (Phil 2:14-16)

"Once again, Jesus spoke to the people and said, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows Me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'" (John 8:12)

"The Spirit of the Lord God is on Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent Me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and release from darkness the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of our God's vengeance, to comfort all who mourn, to provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to give them a crown of beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and a garment of praise in place of a spirit of despair. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. They will rebuild the ancient ruins; they will restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities, the desolations of many generations." (Isaiah 61:1-4)

The Mendicant's Thorn

A mendicant is a beggar, someone who relies chiefly or exclusively on charitable donations for their survival.  A mendicant is utterly dependent upon the goodwill of others for their support.  As I think on this word, "mendicant," I envision myself standing before the throne of God, in torn and tattered garments of my own efforts, reaching upward in dependent desperation with both hands, grasping for His goodwill and grace.  I envision myself standing before the throne of God as a mendicant, wholly dependent upon Him for my spiritual survival and support.  That is an accurate description of us all.  We are all mendicants before the throne of grace, with nothing to offer but our need. 

There is a poem I often reflect upon because it so profoundly articulates my own life.  It is a poem by Martha Snell Nicholson entitled "The Thorn."  In it, she speaks of standing as a mendicant before God's royal throne, begging Him for a priceless, unique gift.  The gift that He gives her is a thorn that pierces her heart.  She questions God as to the hurtful gift, but He assures her that all His gifts are good.  At first, she is tormented by the thorn, but over time, she learns to love it, because she learns that "He never gives a thorn without this added grace, He takes the thorn to pin aside the veil which hides His face."

I often brood over this poem because I have some very deep wounds that have shaped me as a person.  I have some very nasty scars on my soul that serve as a perpetual reminder of those wounds.  And like the woman in this poem, I grieve over the thorns that have pierced my heart.  I often stand as a mendicant at the foot of God's throne, and beg for His grace to help me get over those wounds.  But also like the woman in this poem, God is teaching me that such wounds can serve as the very things that keep us in right relationship with Him.

I've experienced things in my life that are like a thorny dagger which has pierced my heart.  I didn't put that dagger there,  I don't want that dagger there, but if God removed it, I would bleed out.  Like a stab wound that pierces an artery, to remove it would mean certain death.  Thus, the very thing that wounds becomes the very thing that saves.  The thing that was meant to take life, is used to preserve life.  As long as I stay close to God, as long as I shelter under the cover of His wings, Satan cannot reach that dagger.   But, should I stray too far away from the shelter of His wings, should I wander too far from the Shepherd's hook and get within reach of the wolf of souls, the wolf will twist that dagger in my heart causing me extreme pain which sends me running back to the Shepherd.  In His infinite wisdom, God uses the dagger as a gift which keeps me in close proximity to Him.

That dagger also makes me prone to sin.  Its presence makes me vulnerable to perceiving things according to my wounded perspective and reacting to my circumstances according to my own flawed reasoning, rather than according to the wisdom and leading of God's Spirit which works within me.  Because I recognize this vulnerability, I also recognize the need for my walk with God to be exceedingly close and intimate, so that I do not stumble and fall.  I recognize that it is necessary for me to have an exceptionally intimate relationship with God so that my perspective stays aligned with His, rather than becoming aligned with the dagger.  God uses the dagger to pin aside the veil which hides His face, revealing His will over my own, giving me guidance and much needed grace.

At 2 Corinthians 12, Paul speaks of a thorn in his flesh.  He refers to it as "a messenger of Satan" which torments him (2 Cor 12:7).  We are not told what this thorn-- or messenger of Satan-- is which torments him.  We are only told that God uses it to keep Paul from becoming prideful (v.7).  We are told that God uses the thorn to keep Paul in right relationship with Him-- the thorn preserving Paul in righteousness, keeping him pinned-down in humility at the hem of God's garment. 

Through my own experience with the thorn, I can see that it also kept Paul in the sort of relationship with God that enabled him to be mightily led by His Spirit.  You see, far too often we try to come to God dragging our junk with us, holding on to things we don't want to let go of.  But we can only be mightily led by God's Spirit when we come to Him with empty hands and an empty cup-- when we stand before Him as a mendicant, in complete and total surrender and utterly dependent upon Him and His Spirit for every thought, every desire, every opinion, and every move we make. 

When Paul begged God to release him from his thorn, God told him no.  He said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness" (2 Cor 12:9).  You see, God's power in us works alone, it doesn't need our help.  And His power in us is perfected through the sweet, soul-preserving torment of the mendicant's thorn.

The Thorn

by Martha Snell Nicholson

I stood a mendicant of God before His royal throne

And begged Him for one priceless gift, which I could call my own

I took the gift from out His hand, but as I would depart

I cried, "But Lord, this is a thorn and it has pierced my heart.

"This is a strange, a hurtful gift which Thou has given me."

He said, "My child, I give good gifts and gave My best to thee."

I took it home and though at first the cruel thorn hurt sore,

As long years passed I learned at last to love it more and more.

I learned He never gives a thorn without this added grace,

He take the thorn to pin aside the veil which hides His face.

The Impact Of Obedience

I look at Jesus' ministry and I marvel that, for the most part, it wasn't that big and certainly wasn't for very long.  The scriptural accounts of His ministry add up to about 3 years, plus a few months or so.  I look at Jesus and I think, "You are God.  You could have preached to a packed Roman coliseum day after day.  You could have saved and healed thousands upon thousands.  The whole world could have known about You and followed You.  Your ministry could have been the greatest of all-time."  But He didn't do that.  Nor did He seek to hobnob with or have influence over the political and religious leaders of the day, but He was tempted to.

When Jesus was in the desert, one of the devil's temptations was to promise Him influence:  "Then the devil led Him up to a high place and showed Him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world.  'I will give You authority over all these kingdoms and all their glory,' he said. 'For it has been relinquished to me, and I can give it to anyone I wish.'" (Luke 4:5-7).  When I look at that temptation of Jesus in Scripture, I see this being played out over and over in churches everywhere-- the temptation to make an "impact".  I see how easily Jesus could have reasoned within Himself, "I could really make an impact for God if I had influence in these world systems." 

I see how so many fall prey to this temptation because of their desire to make an "impact" with the Gospel.  But we are sinful creatures and so easily lose sight of what Jesus was really trying to teach us through His ministry, which was humility and obedience, and trust in God's ways over man's ways, even when man's ways seem to make more sense and promise more fruit.  Yes, Jesus could have seemingly made much more of an impact for God had He used the world's systems to do it, but He knew that was not God's way because God doesn't need the world's systems to make an impact.  So when the devil tried to twist Jesus' desire to make an impact for God against Him and tempt Him into disobedience, Jesus recognized it for what it was and chose obedience to God, rather than acting according to what may have seemed like a better, more impactful way to accomplish God's work. 

When we really take a close look at Jesus' ministry, we see that it was less about immediate worldly impact and more about obedience.  Jesus exampled obedience to the Father more than anything else.  Something that keeps playing over and over in my mind is that God is less interested about the work He is doing through us, and far more concerned about the work He is doing in us.  That is because the truth is, God doesn't need us.  God doesn't need us to do His work because He is perfectly capable of doing it Himself.  In all honesty, it would be a lot less complicated and messy if He just did it Himself.  Like, when my six year-old wants to "help" me wash dishes and just creates more work for me with the giant watery and soapy mess she makes. 

God doesn't work through us because He has to, He works through us because He chooses to.  We really aren't doing God any favors with our work for Him because He could get things done so much better without us.  So why does He use us?  He uses us because He teaches us obedience and faith through our experiences.  The purpose of the work we do for God is not necessarily for accomplishment's sake, meaning, the purpose of God working through us is not for the sake of accomplishing certain tasks.  But rather, the purpose of God working through us is more for the sake of the work He is doing in us, which is teaching us obedience.  We see this truth when we look at Jesus' life and ministry.  That is what Paul is pointing out to us at Philippians 2:5-13:

Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus:  Who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to cling to, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross.

Therefore, God exalted Him to the highest place, and gave Him the Name above all names, that at the Name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Therefore, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now even more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God Who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good pleasure.

The subject of these verses is the obedience of Christ.  Paul instructs us to have a mind of obedience and humility like Christ, Who "became obedient" to the point of death.  And because of Christ's obedience, He was exalted:  "Therefore, God exalted Him..".  Paul commends the Philippians for their obedience, "just as you have always obeyed," and reminds them to continue to "work out" their salvation through continued obedience even though he is no longer with them.  Then Paul encourages them by reminding them that "it is God Who works in you" which gives them the power to be obedient.  The verse, "It is God Who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good pleasure" can be restated as "God's work in you and through you is to teach you obedience so that you act in a way that is pleasing to Him."

We are so easily betrayed by our own heart.  Our heart can convince us that our motives and intentions are pure.  Our heart can present the most convincing case based on our own reason.  But when we look at Jesus ministry, we see that He never got involved with politics.  He never joined an alliance of religious leaders for the sake of having a greater impact.  He didn't ask the Apostles to come up with new and effective ways to spread His Gospel and reach the world.  He just exampled obedience and He asked His Apostles to be obedient.  God can produce His own fruit, so it's not fruit that He's really after, it's obedience.

"Then the devil led Him up to a high place and showed Him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. 'I will give You authority over all these kingdoms and all their glory,' he said. 'For it has been relinquished to me, and I can give it to anyone I wish. So if you worship me, it will all be Yours.' But Jesus replied, 'It is written: "Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only."'" (Luke 4:5-8)

"You adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore, whoever chooses to be a friend of the world renders himself an enemy of God." (James 4:4)

"If you were of the world, it would love you as its own. Instead, the world hates you, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world." (John 15:19)

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world-- the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and the pride of life-- is not from the Father but from the world." (1 John 2:15,16)

What Does It Mean To Believe?

Scripture tells us that whoever believes in Jesus will have eternal life, but modern Christianity seems to have an inaccurate understanding of what it means to believe (John 3:16).  Belief in Jesus is not merely the intellectual knowledge of Jesus.  We can know this because Scripture tells us that even demons have knowledge of God which causes them to shudder in fear (James 2:19).  We can also know because we are told that Simon the Magician believed, and yet his heart was still not right before God (Acts 8:13,21).  We are told that Felix the governor was "well acquainted" with Who Jesus was and with His teachings, yet he was not saved (Acts 24:22,24,25).  Even the rich young ruler followed Jesus for a time, going so far as to fall on his knees before Him and cry out, "What must I do to inherit eternal life?" (Mark 10:17).  But when Jesus' answer required the young man to prove a genuine trust in Him, "he walked away grieving" because he wasn't willing to surrender (Mark 10:21,22).  So why does a proper understanding of what Scripture means when it says to "believe and be saved" seem to evade so many?  Perhaps because so many confuse belief with knowledge or with the simple assent to a set of facts.  But what, exactly, does Scripture mean when it says to believe? 

Believing is receiving.  The Apostle John said, "Yet to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God" (John 1:12).  When we read this verse we see that belief in Christ is to receive Him.  To receive Christ, we must let go of one thing so that we can receive another, thus belief in Christ is a belief that will cost you.  It is the letting go of sin so that we can receive righteousness.  It is the letting go of what is false so that we can receive what is true.  It is the letting go of self, so that we can bear the image of Christ.  Ultimately it is the letting go of death so that we can receive eternal life as the children of God.  When your belief in Christ is one of trustful surrender that compels you to follow Him, you receive eternal life.

Believing is surrender.  When you let go and give your heart to Christ, you surrender.  A friend sent me a Facebook message a while back asking me about my thoughts in regard to a portion of an interview between Timothy Keller and a self-proclaimed doubting Christian.  The gist of the argument was:  Is it necessary for a Christian to believe the basic tenets of the Christian faith to be a Christian? which led me to meditate on the question, "What exactly makes a person a Christian?"  What sort of "belief" in Christ crosses us over the Rubicon into eternal salvation?  I find this question worthy of consideration at a time in Christendom when it seems that anyone who has an intellectual knowledge of Christ can call themselves a Christian.  A time in which people are told that simple acknowledgment of Christ and/or intellectual assent to a set of facts is enough to inherit eternal life.  When the reality is, true belief in Christ is a belief that compels us to cry out like Thomas, "My Lord and my God!" (John 20:28).  From that day forward, I am certain that Thomas was changed forever and he never looked back.  Genuine belief in Christ is a belief that compels us to surrender.

Believing is trust.  We surrender because we trust.  Jesus said, "...unless you believe I am He, you will die in your sins" (John 8:24).  He also said, "Do not let your hearts be troubled.  You believe in God, believe in Me as well" (John 14:1).   Belief in Jesus is to trust in Who He says He is and to trust in what He says He has done and will do.  He is Lord and He has conquered sin and death and reconciled men back unto God through His atoning blood and He will give us the crown of righteousness and provide for us in the meantime (Rev 1:18; Heb 2:14; 1 Cor 15:56,57; Col 1:20; 2 Tim 4:8; Phil 4:19).  Belief in Christ is trusting in all of this, everyday, day after day.  It is trusting in Christ instead of ourselves or our own reasoning. 

We must understand that belief is not merely knowledge or acknowledgment, or even intellectual assent.  We must understand that belief in Christ is not simply our familiarity with His Name and His teachings, or our belief that He existed.  Belief is something that becomes a part of who you are and the foundation upon which everything in your life is built.  Belief is the compass that points the way and the rudder that directs it-- it begins in your heart and is shown by your actions.  Belief is not a simple affirmation, but trustful surrender.  Christ tells us that faith in Him is the only way to be reconciled back unto God, and the only faith that genuinely saves is one that receives, surrenders, and trusts.

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." (Eph 4:22-24)

"If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life-- he cannot be My disciple. Whoever does not carry his cross and come after Me is not able to be My disciple....So then, none of you can be My disciple who does not give up all his own possessions." (Luke 14:26,27,33)

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and in his joy he went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls. When he found one very precious pearl, he went away and sold all he had and bought it." (Matt 13:44-46)

"Whoever loves his life will lose it, but whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, My servant will be as well. If anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him." (John 12:25,26)

"My sheep listen to My voice; I know them, and they follow Me." (John 10:27)

"Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again...Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit... Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes may have eternal life in Him...Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God." (John 3:3,5,14,15,20,21)

The Blessing Of Brokenness

Today is the National Day of Prayer and many people today will pray for unity, but I will pray for brokenness.  I will pray for God to break us, because then, and only then, will our unity truly be God-glorifying and utterly submitted to His will.  I will pray for God to break us, because if He breaks us then we will not have to pray for unity, because we will be irresistibly drawn together through our brokenness.  I fear that if we pray for anything other than for God to break us, we will only continue to vainly apply a Band-Aid over a gushing wound.  We must be broken.  We must cease striving and sit broken at His feet, in the ashes of our own efforts.  There must be nothing left of us and we must have nothing left but God.

We often refer to the account in Scripture at Genesis Chapter 32 as Jacob wrestling with God.  But Jacob didn't wrestle God, God wrestled Jacob.  And He wrestled with Jacob until He finally broke Him.  Jacob was returning to the land of his birth, fearful that his brother Esau would take his life if he dared show his face in the Promised Land again after swindling him out of his birthright.  As Jacob neared the Promised Land, he sent all he had ahead of him to appease Esau.  First he sent his cattle, then he sent his servants, then he sent his wives and children, then he sent all of his possessions, then Scripture tells us "Jacob was left alone" (Gen 32:24).  It was here, when Jacob was alone and had no earthly possessions left, that God took hold of him and finished the job-- completely emptying Jacob of himself. 

Scripture tells us that when God "... saw that He could not overpower [Jacob], He touched the socket of Jacob's hip" and Jacob was broken (Gen 32:25).  God wrestled with Jacob and could not get Jacob to let go.  Despite the wrestling, Jacob's faith was not overpowered.  Despite the struggle, Jacob would not succumb to discouragement and let go of his hope in God.  It was in this place of brokenness that Jacob became intimately acquainted with Who God really is, "because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared" (Gen 32:30).  Which is why even when God told Jacob, "Let Me go, for it is daybreak," Jacob said, "I will not let You go unless You bless me" (Gen 32:26).  Because Jacob had been broken and had become intimately acquainted with Who God really is, he was able to say, "Not only will I never let You go, but I believe that no matter what my circumstances are, Your love for me is true and You will bless me with Your eternal presence." It is the kind of faith that can only come when God breaks us so He can get to what's inside. 

In one of the multiple, parallel accounts of Mary anointing Jesus' head and feet with costly perfume, Scripture tells us that she broke the jar (Mark 14:3).  It wasn't the jar that was valuable, but what was inside.  The jar had to be broken because what was truly valuable was inside of it.  If the jar had not been broken, then the sweet smell of the perfume could have never been released.  If the jar had never been broken, then the anointing could not have taken place.  The sweetest fragrance of fellowship we can have with Christ comes only through brokenness, and there is a certain level of anointing that cannot take place unless our vessel is broken.  It was in the breaking of Christ's body that the sweet fragrance of eternal life was released.  

Christ had no possessions, He had been utterly abandoned by His friends, He had nothing left, and then God finished the job-- completely emptying Christ of Himself through death on the cross.   When Jacob wrestled with God, he was broken, because that is what happens with you wrestle with God.  When you wrestle with God you must break.  God breaks us so He can finish the job and reshape us into our new identity in Him.  God gave Jacob his new identity and said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome" (Gen 32:28).  God allows us to struggle because He wants to break us.  Because He knows that it is only in this place-- the place in which we have nothing left-- that we become intimately acquainted with Who He really is.

"Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to cling to, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in human likeness and being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross." (Phil 2:5-8)

"Then Jesus told His disciples, 'If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.'" (Matt 16:24,25)

"The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. You will not despise a broken and humbled heart, O God." (Ps 51:17)

"'Because your heart was tender and you humbled yourself before God when you heard His words against this place and against its inhabitants, and because you humbled yourself before Me, tore your clothes and wept before Me, I truly have heard you,' declares the Lord." (2 Chron 34:27)