The Way Of Brokenness

Every week for the last two months, I have been getting an email from the Moody Alumni Association to fill out a survey for the US Department of Education. They want to keep track of what people are doing with their education once they graduate, what kind of ministry jobs they are getting. I have deleted this email every week.

But this week, I contemplated simply sending them a response letting them know that while my degree sits on a shelf collecting dust, I have been praying in a barn every morning. I have been wrestling with the cross of Christ. I have been writing articles about chickens and glaciers and wheat and ants and broken zippers…and cussing at my dog for eating a biscuit. I want to tell them that I have been dying—both to myself and to this world. And that I have simply been sharing my journey of finding life in Jesus Christ through brokenness. And I want to tell them that that is doing far more for the kingdom of God than anything I ever learned at Moody.

And I especially want to tell them this:

“May our outer man be broken to such an extent that the inner man can be released and expressed. This is precious, and this is the way of the servants of the Lord. We can only serve when we have reached this point, and we can only lead others to the Lord and to the knowledge of God when we have reached this point. Nothing else will work. Doctrines and theology will not work. Mere Bible knowledge will not profit us. The only thing that is useful is for God to come out of us…..
When our outer man is smitten, dealt with, and humbled by all kinds of misfortune, the scars and wounds that are left behind will be the very places from which the Spirit flows out from within…Unless the outer man is broken, everything we have is in the mind and in the realm of knowledge and is useless.”—Watchman Nee

Change will never come to the church unless we are willing to stand up in the ashes of what it’s become and start calling people to die. To lose their life so they can find it. That is the message of the cross. That is the true ministry and gospel of Jesus Christ. Our ability to exegete Scripture and navigate the hermeneutical spiral while crossing the principlizing bridge means nothing to God. The only thing God wants to know is: “Are you willing to die?”

Are you willing to die, beloved? To both yourself and to this world? Are you willing to embrace the way that Christ showed us—His cross—so that He can live in you and be poured out to a world that so desperately needs to see that He is real, that He is relatable, and that He is the only one Who can save us? This, and only this, will prepare us for His return. Make the way straight, brothers and sisters.

(John 12:24-26) Truly, truly, I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a seed; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life will lose it, but whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, My servant will be as well. If anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.

(Mark 8:34-36) Then Jesus called the crowd to Him along with His disciples, and He told them, “If anyone wants to come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel will save it. What does it profit a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?”

(Luke 1:16,17) Many of the sons of Israel he will turn back to the Lord their God. And he will go on before the Lord in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.

(John 1:21-23) “Then who are you?” they inquired. “Are you Elijah?” He said, “I am not.” “Are you the Prophet?” He answered, “No.” So they said to him, “Who are you? We need an answer for those who sent us. What do you say about yourself? John replied in the words of Isaiah the prophet: “I am a voice of one calling in the wilderness, ‘Make straight the way for the Lord.’ ”…

(Posted on Facebook 12/9/2020 Talitha Koum)

Guided By A Glacier

This morning as I sat on the hay loft steps out in the barn, I contemplated the words of a trusted brother in Christ, who spoke to me the other day about the “glacial movement of God in our lives…very slow, very incremental, but inexorable.”

I thought about the attributes of a glacier. A glacier is huge—so huge that when you stand upon it, you can’t see where it begins or where it ends from your vantage point. You can’t see it moving or feel it moving, it just seems to sit still. You can’t tell what direction it’s moving in, you can only see where it’s been. You can only see the path it has cut by the sheer force of its magnitude, weight, and inevitability.

Truly, there is an inevitability about a glacier that should quiet our soul, while at the same time, cause us to stand before it in fear and awe. You cannot stop a glacier. Just the thought of such a thing is beyond absurd. Your will and your opinion and your emotions have absolutely zero bearing upon the movement of a glacier. That glacier is gonna go where it’s gonna go, regardless of any human’s attempted influence. Therefore, the only human choice that matters is whether we want to stand upon it and go where it goes, or to not stand upon it and be left behind.

The only thing we can really do when we stand on a glacier is wait on it. But still, we choose whether we want to stand upon the glacier and wait as it makes its way, or if we’d rather jump off because we’re tired of waiting and want to make our own way. And even so, choosing our own path is futile, because it’s going to be pulverized by the eventual and inevitable movement of the glacier anyway. The only two real options are to be on the glacier and wait, or to be off the glacier and pulverized.

Jesus is going to return to this earth, and I’m telling you right now, there are a lot of people who think they are ready, but they ain’t ready. He is returning to this earth to judge it and to rule it. This earth will be judged and then ruled by Jesus Christ. And the only thing that is going to matter in that moment—the moment when everything changes, the moment when that becomes our new reality—is where you are standing. On the glacier or off it.

(Luke 20:17,18) But Jesus looked directly at them and said, “Then what is the meaning of that which is written: ‘The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone’? Everyone who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed.”

(Revelation 1:3-7) …the time is near…Grace to you and peace, from Him Who is and Who was and Who is to come, and from the seven Spirits Who are before His throne, and from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To Him Who loves us and released us from our sins by His blood—and He has made us to be a kingdom, priests to His God and Father—to Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen. Behold, He is coming with the clouds and every eye will see Him, even those who pierced Him; and all the tribes of the earth will mourn over Him. So it is to be. Amen.

(Posted on Facebook 12/8/2020 Talitha Koum)

Bungled By A Biscuit

I cussed at our dog this morning for eating a biscuit off the kitchen counter.

I woke up late this morning, and chaos ensued in our home. We scrambled, we stumbled, we growled and hissed. My fifteen year-old stayed parked in the middle of my bathroom, gazing at herself in the mirror trying to decide whether the black boots matched the purple shirt. Or the tan one. Or whatever color it was. I was too busy trying to find socks and my other boot, while having to walk around her every time I had to walk through my bathroom. My five year-old said her sock felt weird and refused to put her boot on. My nine year-old daughter was outside singing Christmas carols to the dog while he pooped. My thirteen year-old…Lord have mercy…just get out of her way or you’ll get flattened. All I could see was the tails of her shirt flappin’ as she steamrolled around the house.

Lunches thrown together, haphazardly packed into lunch bags…where’s the pop tarts?...who ate all the sausage biscuits, there are only three left?...Lord help me this ship is sinking…thank God my Momma is doing my five year-old’s hair…thank you Momma…don’t forget to take the sausage biscuits out of the microwave and put them on the counter…Rebekah, PUT ON YOUR SHOES CHILD…girls, we gotta go, y’all gonna be late…go get in the car, I’ll bring you the sausage biscu…….

The dog and the biscuits and the sausage and a thousand pieces of paper towel trailed through the kitchen and dining room. And I lost it. Obscenities flowed forth from my mouth, and the old me came forth with gusto like a well-worn glove. Thankfully, my babies were already outside. As soon as I dropped them off at school, I began to cry and worship God all the way to the feed store to get horse food, “I’m sorry God, I need You, I love You…” As I cried, I told Him, “I am so glad that You are a God Who does the work in me that needs to be done, because I can’t. You are the only One Who can make me right.”

In that moment, the weight of the reality of our helpless estate was so real to me. We cannot save ourselves, we cannot be good, we cannot fix ourselves or improve ourselves or live up to God’s holy standards in our own strength. That is why Scripture tells us that faith in Jesus Christ makes us a new creature (2 Cor 5:17). That is why Scripture teaches that the “old you” is dead (Rom 6:4-6). That doesn’t mean that it won’t rear its ugly head sometimes, but beloved, our spiritual truth is that we need what Jesus did on the cross. We need to embrace that death and become one with it. We need to set our eyes on it as He makes the truth of it real in us. Because He is the only one Who can.

I am so glad that He is a God Who can take a heart burdened with longing for righteousness and holiness and make it so. I am so glad that He is able when I am not (Phil 4:13). I am so glad that He purchased me with His own blood (1 Pet 1:18,19), and that He is faithful to finish the work He has begun in me (Phil 1:6). I need a God like that. And so do you.

(Romans 7:22-25) For in my inner being I delight in God’s law. But I see another law at work in my body, warring against the law of my mind and holding me captive to the law of sin that dwells within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!…

(1 Cor 1:17,18) For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not with words of wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power. For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved, it is the power of God.

(Ezekiel 36:25-27) …I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from you and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe my ordinances.

(Gal 2:21) I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

(Titus 2:11-14) For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, Who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds.

(Posted on Facebook 12/7/2020 Talitha Koum

How Does Your Garden Grow

One thing that I struggle with is, I want to grow so badly that I try to make myself grow. I think, “I’m doing all the things, Lord.” Like, "Here I am Lord. I’m doin’ all the stuff. Make me grow…" *tap, tap, tap, goes my foot…*

I’m like a kid who plants a seed in a Styrofoam cup and overwaters it in an attempt to force it to grow. Who gets up every morning to go see how much it has changed, and frustrated because it doesn’t seem like a whole ‘lot is changing. During my barn time this morning, God brought all this to my mind and He said, “Wheat doesn’t grow because it tries to. It doesn’t grow because of the force of its own will.” And He’s right. He’s so right.

Wheat doesn’t grow because it makes itself grow. Wheat does not plant itself and it does not grow because of an effort of its own will. Wheat grows because it has been planted by something else. It grows because of forces beyond its control—yielding to the light of the sun, drinking deeply of the water provided by the one who planted it. Yet, even though the wheat yields and drinks, its growing and maturing does not happen because the wheat has decided that it will happen. It happens because forces beyond its control are working together to bring it to maturity.

Another thing that the Lord reminded me of today, is that you can’t actually watch wheat grow in real-time. Wheat cannot “watch” itself grow. Day after day, wheat yields to the sun and day after day, it drinks of the water, and slowly but imperceptibly, the wheat changes. Little by little, day by day. The only way wheat can see its own growth is by looking back at where it once was, in comparison to where it is now. Growth is only perceived by a critical mass of change.
This is our truth, beloved. We have been planted by the Lord, and it is His seed which has been planted within us. It is His light to which we yield and it is His wellspring of Living Water from which we drink. And we do not grow because we try so very hard to grow. We grow because of Him Who is both the sower and the grower.

(1 Cor 3:6,7) I planted the seed and Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, Who makes things grow.

(Mark 4:26-29) And He was saying, “The kingdom of God is like a man who casts seed upon the soil; and he goes to bed at night and gets up by day, and the seed sprouts and grows—how, he himself does not know. The soil produces crops by itself; first the blade, then the head, then the mature grain in the head. But when the crop permits, he immediately puts in the sickle, because the harvest has come.”

(Matthew 13:24-30) Jesus presented another parable to them saying, “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while his men were sleeping, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat…when the wheat sprouted and bore grain, then the tares became evident…the slaves said..”Do you want us..to..gather them up?” But he said, “No, for while you are gathering up the tares, you may uproot the wheat with them. Allow both to grow together until the harvest; and in the time of the harvest, I will say to the reapers, ‘First gather up the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them up; but gather the wheat into my barn.’”

(Matthew 3:11,12) I baptize you with water for repentance, but after me will come One more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire. His winnowing fork is in His hand to clear His threshing floor and to gather His wheat into the barn, but He will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire.

(Posted on Facebook 12/5/2020 Talitha Koum)

Religious Checkmate

There was a time in my walk with Christ when I was more focused on everyone else and how they should be living and what they should be doing, rather than on the work that God wanted to do in me.

I cringe just writing that, just admitting it. But it’s true. I thought that everyone in the church was delusional and blind and I felt alone. I was in bondage to a religious spirit and it caused me to cross examine everything and everyone, no matter what anyone said, I could point out some additional failure to live up to God’s standard, some additional aspect of Scripture that they missed, some error they were making. It was like a never-ending chess game that was impossible to win and the enemy was working through me—a genuine believer—to discourage people and drive them away, instead of God’s Spirit working through me to draw others nearer to Him.

I was simultaneously being convicted of sin by the Holy Spirit, Who was working to increase my awareness of it, while at the same time, feeling self-righteous in my pursuit of perfection by my own efforts. I felt constant frustration and was tormented by both shame and pride. Shame because I grew more aware of sin, and pride because of my hard work in pursuing righteousness-- pride which was expressed by my perpetual condemnation of others. God had to allow me to exhaust myself to teach me a proper understanding of the balance of His grace and His righteous requirements in Christ-- our willingness to yield to Christ being formed in us and His righteousness being expressed through us by His Holy Spirit.

Brothers and sisters, we preach righteousness by preaching Jesus Christ crucified. We deal with heresy by pursuing Jesus Christ, so that we may teach others Jesus Christ. We serve others by our obedience to the Master, Jesus Christ. Scripture says the watchmen on the wall are to warn-- not criticize, not police, not judge the motives of other people’s hearts. Granted, many in the church today truly are not walking in the way they should, but we teach and God deals. We teach and disciple, and God judges and deals with them. I confess, that God had to deal with my own heart before He could ever use me to teach others about His standards and His requirements. He had to crush me and break me so that I would only deal with people in patience and love and true humility, realizing that we all miss the mark, we all fail to live up to His word and His standards without His Spirit at work in us. And it is His Spirit Who works righteousness in us as we grow in our understanding and relationship with Christ, so that no man may boast.

Jesus Christ has called us to a life of devotion to HIM and focus on HIM, and He desires more than anything for us to grow in our knowledge of HIM and understanding of HIS ways, so that we can rightly divide HIS word and show others in this world a God who is full of both grace and truth.

(John 1:14,16,17) The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth…From His fullness we have all received grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

(1 Cor 1:30,31) It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God: our righteousness, holiness, and redemption. Therefore as it is written, “Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

(1 Cor 4:4,5) My conscience is clear, but that does not vindicate me. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive His praise from God.

(Jude 1:20-25 ) But you, beloved, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God as you await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you eternal life. And indeed, have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; and to still others show mercy tempered with fear, hating even the clothing stained by the flesh.… Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you unblemished in His glorious presence, with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority through Jesus Christ our Lord before all time, and now and for all eternity. Amen

(Posted on Facebook 12/4/2020 Talitha Koum)

God Made Ants

I was working out in my chicken yard one day, going to war against the ants. I remember standing in the middle of the yard in frustration about my murderous mission, looking around and grumbling about all the ant piles, and then all of a sudden I thought to myself, “God put a lot of thought into designing an ant.”

In that moment, I wondered why it seemed so absurd to me that God spent time on an ant. But He did. The God of the universe spent time and thought on an ant, and as I stood there in my chicken yard contemplating that, I looked out to my pasture and saw one of my muscular, graceful horses and then I looked down at my feet at the busy little ants and thought, “You put just as much thought and time in one of those beautiful strong horses as you did in one of these piddling little ants.” And the more I thought about that, the more I began to appreciate the fact that we are literally surrounded by God’s testament to us of His character. All of creation speaks of a God Who puts thought and care into the works of His hands.

Paul teaches us that God reveals Himself plainly to us through the works of His own creation, “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood from His workmanship, so that men are without excuse” (Rom 1:19,20). David tells us that the heavens tell of His glory and declare the work of His hands-- day to day His creation pours forth speech and offers us knowledge of the God Who created it (Psalm 19:1,2).

God loves His creation and takes no delight in our sorrows or death. His desire is to restore us and to heal us and to bring about the fullness of our redemption. That is His true heart towards us. But God must judge our sin, and He will judge our sin. Ancient Israel was the apple of His eye, the beloved of His heart, but the day finally came that He had to judge them for their sin, because God is just and righteous and we cannot make light of His holiness. We cannot break His laws and spit in His face without repentance and not be held accountable for it. The day will come when we will no longer have the luxury of rejecting His grace. On that day, the door of grace will close and His cup of wrath will overflow and flood the world with His justice.

Whatever the days ahead hold for us, remember to look around you at the work of His hands and contemplate His testament to us. Remember that His heart toward you is for restoration and redemption through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ. Remember that God taught us about sin at the cost of His own flesh. Remember that Jesus said, “I am the way…” and He showed us the way through His death on a cross, freeing us from the bondage of sin and death and redeeming us through His blood unto eternal life.

(1 Tim 2:3-6) This is good and pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, Who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God and one mediator also between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, Who gave Himself as a ransom for all, the testimony given at just the right time.

(2 Pet 3:9) The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some understand slowness, but is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish but everyone to come to repentance.

(Acts 17:30,31) Although God overlooked the ignorance of earlier times, He now commands all people everywhere to repent. For He has set a day when He will judge the world with justice by the Man He has appointed. He has given proof of this to everyone by raising Him from the dead.

(Ezekiel 33:11) Say to them: “As surely as I live,” declares the Lord God, “I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that the wicked should turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! For why should you die, O house of Israel?”

(Posted on Facebook 11/30/2020 Talitha Koum)

Well Of Weakness

During my barn time a few days ago, the Spirit reminded me of a word He gave me a while back: “For power to be proved worthy, it must be subjected to futility.”

I thought that as I matured in Christ, I would feel stronger, smarter, more capable. But because we serve a characteristically paradoxical God, I have found that just the opposite is true. For the genuine saint, as Christ is revealed in us in increasing measure, we become less and less self-sufficient and less and less dependent upon our own understanding and strength. Another part of this paradox is that as we become less and less, we begin to realize more and more. We realize the true depravity of the human condition: we are weak, we are ignorant, we are cowards, we are utterly incapable of anything good outside of Jesus Christ, Who Himself, holds the very fabric of our reality together by the threads of His grace (Mark 10:18; Rom 3:10-12; Col 1:17).

A genuine walk with Christ is a process of “emptying” just as Christ was emptied—the culmination of such emptying being the release of His Spirit when He died on the cross (John 19:30). As followers of Christ, we willingly subject ourselves to futility just as He Himself was willingly subjected to futility. For power to be proved worthy, it must be willing to relinquish it and follow in the steps of Christ, Who exampled to us utter and complete dependence upon God. He was willing to experience sorrow and spiritual destitution, and to know weakness, humility, suffering and loss. To follow in the steps of Christ, we must become nothing, we must become the least, we must plumb the depths of lack and need and dependence (Matt 18:1-4 & 20:26,27). It is a spiritual mystery which continues to baffle us: “My power is perfected in weakness…” (2 Cor 12:9).

You see, as long as there is any modicum of self-sufficiency, self-mustered courage or self-motivated wisdom, we are subject to pride. In such case, we operate according to the precepts of “Self” and thus, are prey to our own deceptive heart. And when we are operating thusly, no matter what, our choices will always inevitably lead to sin. To walk in Self is to wear the graveclothes of death and sin, to walk in Christ is to be clothed in His righteousness. Therefore, our narrow path of salvation is a path of “coming to the end of Self.” It is a path upon which we become more and more consciously aware that our graveclothes have been shed through our faith in the cross of Christ, and we now walk in newness of life clothed in His righteousness.

As Christ is formed in us, Self operates in us less, and the Spirit of God manifests Itself in us more. I liken it to divine “digging.” As you dig a well, the dirt is taken out-- it is displaced and replaced with something else. And what replaces displaced dirt in a deep well, beloved?
Living water.

(John 13:15,16) I have set you an example so that you should do as I have done for you. Truly, truly, I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.

(John 7:37-39) On the last and greatest day of the feast, Jesus stood up and called out in a loud voice, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. Whoever believes in Me, as the Scripture has said: “Streams of living water will flow from within him.” He was speaking about the Spirit, whom those who believed in Him were later to receive. For the Spirit had not yet been given, because Jesus had not yet been glorified.

(Luke 23:45-47) The sun was darkened, and the veil of the temple was torn down the middle. Then Jesus called out in a loud voice, “Father, into Your hands I commit My Spirit.” And when He had said this, He breathed His last. When the centurion saw what had happened, he gave glory to God, saying, “Surely this was a righteous man.”…

(Phil 2:6-8) …Who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross.

(Posted on Facebook 11/25/2020 Talitha Koum)

Are You Willing?

This morning in my barn I prayed, “Increase my capacity to know You.” I told God that I longed to be a deep well, that I longed for Him to increase my capacity for Him. And the Spirit communicated, “Are you willing....?” In that moment He gave me understanding that longing is not willingness. 

He helped me see the error we often make by assuming that our longing for something equates to our willingness to actually pursue it. You see, there was a time in my life that I longed to quit drinking, but for a long time I wasn’t willing. I longed to know God, but for a long time I wasn’t willing to read my Bible. God’s work in us is a symbiotic relationship between longing and willingness. The longing in you for the things of God is a sign of your salvation, it is a witness to the presence of the Holy Spirit in you, because none of us have a natural desire for such things. Our natural desires are selfish, because the natural man is still in bondage to Self. 

Through our faith in the cross of Jesus Christ—the crucifixion of His flesh as payment for sin— we are willingly placing Self on that cross to be crucified too. Self joins Christ in that death and we become a new creation that is raised to new life. But our subsequent spiritual growth, the progressive sanctification of our consciousness and being, happens through experience. God uses the circumstances of our life to teach us how to live as that new creation. How to live in increasing willingness to be utterly and completely surrendered to our Creator— to truly live under the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Thus, the longing is present because of His Spirit. But He continues to ask, “Are you willing...?” 

Little by little, circumstance by circumstance, He shapes us and molds us as we consciously and willingly give ourselves over to Him more and more. This is what Paul means when he tells us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12). This is what Paul is talking about when he says, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance as our way of life” (Eph 2:10).
This morning when I asked God to increase my capacity for Him and He asked me, “Are you willing...?” I paused. 

I paused because I am a woman who is intimately familiar with the severity of God. I love Him but I fear Him. So I whispered, “Yes my Lord, I am willing, but I also pray that You will make me able.” To be a deep well requires digging, and sometimes God’s hands can be excruciating. There is displacement that takes place when you dig, because spiritual transactions cost a pound of flesh. To have more of Him, means there must be less of you.

(Phil 2:12,13) Therefore, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now even more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good purpose.

(Mark 9:23,24) “If You can?” echoed Jesus. “All things are possible to him who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father cried out, “I do believe; help my unbelief!”
(John 3:30) He must increase, but I must decrease.

(Rom 6:16-18) Do you not know that when you offer yourselves as obedient slaves, you are slaves to the one you obey, whether you are slaves to sin leading to death, or to obedience leading to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

(Posted on Facebook 11/24/2020 Talitha Koum)

Preacher Girl

I am not a righteous woman.

I remember one day about ten years ago, I was in my Mammaw’s dining room talking to my Aunt Dorothy. I told her that I had started to read the Bible, you know, the whole thing, from cover to cover. She smiled and enthusiastically commended me for such an endeavor. Then I said, “I think God wants me to preach.” And I remember the look on her face. She didn’t say anything, she just raised her eyebrows, but I knew what she was thinking, “Ain’t no way God would call you to preach.” Now, I love my Aunt Dorothy, so don’t think I’m sharing this to speak ill of her because I’m not. Truth be told, Aunt Dorothy had every reason to think what she did because of what she saw on the outside of me, but God looks at our heart.

I didn’t get married until I was 27 years old because honestly, it seemed like more trouble than it was worth from my vantage point. I had a filthy mouth, a drinking problem, a temper, an attitude, and was fiercely independent, but there was a heart underneath all that, and that heart was broken. All that tough outer shell was to protect all the brokenness inside. God saw the inside of me and said, “I’m going to redeem that and call it Mine.”

I have always been deeply impacted by the story of King David. He’s not who the world would have picked, but He is who God picked because God saw his heart. I have often marveled how a mercenary, an adulterer, and a murderer could be called a man after God’s own heart. David was not a righteous man, even by the world’s standards, but David was filled with a deep longing to know God. David was willing to be righteous, willing to surrender, willing to repent. The Psalms are full of his heart-piercing prayers, his inner longings to please God, even despite his failures. David was willing to be completely transparent before God, whether he could find the right words to express himself or not. I have found that we often want beautiful words, but God simply wants to anoint our cries.

No, I am not a righteous woman, but I’m willing to be. I am not righteous, but Christ in me is righteous. He wanted my heart and I was willing to give it to Him, shattered pieces and all, with the childlike hope that He could somehow put it all back together. Because of His Holy Spirit at work in me, I am not the woman I used to be, but I am still becoming the woman God wants me to be. Despite my past and despite my weaknesses which remain, I am filled with a deep longing to know God. I long for righteousness, I long to surrender, I am quick to repent, and beloved, if you are filled with those things then God will be faithful to finish His work of righteousness in you too.

(2 Cor 5:20,21) Therefore we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ: Be reconciled to God. God made Him Who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. 

(Phil 1:4,5) In every prayer for all of you, I always pray with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

(1 Sam 16:6-12) When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and said, “Surely here before the LORD is His anointed.” But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or height, for I have rejected him; the Lord does not see as man does. For man sees the outward appearance, but the Lord sees the heart.” … Thus Jesse made seven of his sons pass before Samuel, but Samuel told him, “The Lord has not chosen any of these.”...“There is still the youngest,” Jesse replied, “but he is tending the sheep.” “Send for him,” Samuel replied… So Jesse sent for his youngest son and brought him in....And the LORD said, “Rise and anoint him, for he is the one.”

(Acts 13:22) After removing Saul, He raised up David as their king and testified about him: 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after My own heart; he will carry out My will in its entirety.'

The Offense Of The Cost

Someone reported my most recent post as offensive. I wrote about beholding the payment for our sin and I used a picture of crucified feet, showing the brutality of the crucifixion of Christ. Whoever reported the picture said the picture of crucified feet was too graphic, they were offended by it, and reported it to be censored. 

Imagine that. The reality of the crucifixion too graphic for someone to behold. And that, beloved, is the reality of the cross of Christ— it is severe and it is obscene and that offends us. It is too graphic, too brutal, too bloody. So we look away to preserve ourselves. We turn away from the cost of sin because it disturbs us too much.
We want beauty, not ashes. We want comfort, not sorrow. But God says He gives us beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for our mourning— it’s an exchange (Isaiah 61:3). Thus, we must not turn away from the truth that the beautiful glory of the resurrection only came through the macabre severity of the crucifixion. 

But we don’t want to look. We don’t want to see. Everything in us wants to look away, to seek the good without first facing and understanding the bad. But the ordained story of humanity is God first teaching us about the bad, so that we can understand the value of the good. Showing us a fallen creation before a perfected one. Allowing the reality of sin to be played out in the fullness of its destruction, to make us wise to His righteousness as we wait for the fullness of restoration. We chose the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and this is the price. 

But still, we don’t want to look. We don’t want to face the ugly. But when we look at Scripture we see that is exactly why God sent the prophets, and that is exactly why the prophets were killed. God sent prophets to make people face the ugly so they could be healed. But we don’t like the ugly, so those whom God sent were killed so they would stop speaking of it. Human flesh desires pleasure and comfort, so it says, “Tell us only of the beauty! Tell us only of the joy!” But that is not why God sent prophets. God always sent prophets to say “Behold your spiritual truth. Behold the cost of sin. And don’t look away.” And when we look at Scripture we see that God often sent prophets when the people were at their lowest, when all they wanted was encouragement, but God sent them severity. And severity is offensive. 

The Gospel is the cross of Christ. The cross of Christ is the power of God unto salvation. It may not make sense to us to tell hurting people to look at it. To behold the obscenity and severity of it. It didn’t make sense to Jews who had been waiting for their Messiah and King and it didn’t make sense to Greeks who idolized knowledge and power. Both Jew and Greek were offended— for two thousand years it has caused Jews to stumble and Gentiles to mock (1 Cor 1:23). But the truth of both the ugliness of our spiritual condition and the beauty of our salvation is that God was crucified on a cross. That is how He chose to save us and that is what we must face for our healing. 

I find it ironic that my Facebook warning says, “...some people may choose not to see it...” Indeed. Some people may choose not to look at what God did to save us from our sin. Which is why I also find it ironic when we choose to look away in offense from the cost of our salvation, when it was the price required because of our offense to God. 

(Romans 1:16) I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, first to the Jew, then to the Greek.

(1 Cor 1:22-24) Jews demand signs and Greeks search for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.

Behold The Cost

 

Behold the cost and don’t look away.

This world is types and shadows, mere reflections of spiritual realities. I see many well-intentioned believers clinging to types and shadows as the substance, when Scripture clearly teaches us that all things point to Christ Who is the Substance (Col 2:17). The reality of Christ and our spiritual truths in Him, is where our narrow path is directed (John 5:39; Col 1:17 & 3:11; 1 Cor 15:28). The foot of the cross is where our individual path ends and we can walk no farther on our own. Our individual path ends at the cross where our hands are nailed down to end all attempts to save ourselves by our own self-sufficiency, and our feet nailed down so we cannot walk the path of self-will. Our faith in the physical reality of the cross is where the path of Self ends because that is where we are joined with Christ spiritually and now there are two on the narrow path instead of one.

The initial challenge of all humanity is for us to even tread to the foot of the cross in the first place—to face that cross and look upon the crucified flesh of our Lord and behold the cost of sin. To face the fruit of Self—treachery in the heart of mankind against his own Creator. The Spirit says to us all, “You would live your life much differently if you had actually watched the Son be crucified.” That is because there is a disconnect between us and our sin until our eyes witness the cost of it. God taught us about sin at the cost of His own flesh. Thus, we must behold the bloody, macabre spectacle of His humiliation and death without giving into our instinct to preserve Self and look away.

Then we must sit there at His bloody feet as we learn to wait upon the Lord. We sit in that blood, we sit in that payment for sin as we fight the urge to look away. We allow Him to strip us of our own substance, as we allow Him to teach us the meaning behind the types and shadows. We let go of what we thought we knew, of what we thought we understood, as He brings us to a place in which we must be carried as He keeps asking us with every step, “Are you willing?” Are you willing to trust Me? Are you willing to surrender? Are you willing to die? We sit at the foot of that cross as Self wrestles with God. As His brilliant light exposes all the dark corners of our heart and Self cries out, “Your beauty only magnifies my ugliness!” As Self fights the urge to look away and writhes in agony, just as He writhed in agony on that cross. As Self is put to death and crucified, pound by pound, and all the life drains out of it, just like the life was drained out of Him.

The utter death of Christ’s flesh is what led to utter life through His resurrection. Do you see beloved? The law of the kingdom of God is utter life from utter death. Just like God taught ancient Israel spiritual truths through physical realities, the same is true for His church. As we gaze upon the death of Christ’s flesh on the cross, the Spirit says, “Behold your spiritual truth, behold the path of salvation, behold your Savior, behold His suffering, His humiliation, His death.”

Behold the end of your path where you can walk no farther on your own two feet.
Behold the power of God unto salvation.
Behold your need.
Behold the cost.
And don’t look away.

(John 12:31-33) “Now judgment is upon this world; now the prince of this world will be cast out. And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all to Myself.” He said this to indicate the kind of death He was going to die.

(John 3:14-21) Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, so that everyone who believes in Him may have eternal life. For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him shall not perish by have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn it but to save it through Him. Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. And this is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light; for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But he who practices truth comes to the light, so that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.