Tuesday, December 29, 2020

The Way Of Brokenness


Every week for the last two months, I have been getting an email from the Moody Alumni Association to fill out a survey for the US Department of Education. They want to keep track of what people are doing with their education once they graduate, what kind of ministry jobs they are getting. I have deleted this email every week.

But this week, I contemplated simply sending them a response letting them know that while my degree sits on a shelf collecting dust, I have been praying in a barn every morning. I have been wrestling with the cross of Christ. I have been writing articles about chickens and glaciers and wheat and ants and broken zippers…and cussing at my dog for eating a biscuit. I want to tell them that I have been dying—both to myself and to this world. And that I have simply been sharing my journey of finding life in Jesus Christ through brokenness. And I want to tell them that that is doing far more for the kingdom of God than anything I ever learned at Moody.

And I especially want to tell them this:

“May our outer man be broken to such an extent that the inner man can be released and expressed. This is precious, and this is the way of the servants of the Lord. We can only serve when we have reached this point, and we can only lead others to the Lord and to the knowledge of God when we have reached this point. Nothing else will work. Doctrines and theology will not work. Mere Bible knowledge will not profit us. The only thing that is useful is for God to come out of us…..
When our outer man is smitten, dealt with, and humbled by all kinds of misfortune, the scars and wounds that are left behind will be the very places from which the Spirit flows out from within…Unless the outer man is broken, everything we have is in the mind and in the realm of knowledge and is useless.”—Watchman Nee

Change will never come to the church unless we are willing to stand up in the ashes of what it’s become and start calling people to die. To lose their life so they can find it. That is the message of the cross. That is the true ministry and gospel of Jesus Christ. Our ability to exegete Scripture and navigate the hermeneutical spiral while crossing the principlizing bridge means nothing to God. The only thing God wants to know is: “Are you willing to die?”

Are you willing to die, beloved? To both yourself and to this world? Are you willing to embrace the way that Christ showed us—His cross—so that He can live in you and be poured out to a world that so desperately needs to see that He is real, that He is relatable, and that He is the only one Who can save us? This, and only this, will prepare us for His return. Make the way straight, brothers and sisters.

(John 12:24-26) Truly, truly, I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a seed; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life will lose it, but whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, My servant will be as well. If anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.

(Mark 8:34-36) Then Jesus called the crowd to Him along with His disciples, and He told them, “If anyone wants to come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel will save it. What does it profit a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?”

(Luke 1:16,17) Many of the sons of Israel he will turn back to the Lord their God. And he will go on before the Lord in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.

(John 1:21-23) “Then who are you?” they inquired. “Are you Elijah?” He said, “I am not.” “Are you the Prophet?” He answered, “No.” So they said to him, “Who are you? We need an answer for those who sent us. What do you say about yourself? John replied in the words of Isaiah the prophet: “I am a voice of one calling in the wilderness, ‘Make straight the way for the Lord.’ ”…

(Posted on Facebook 12/9/2020 Talitha Koum)

Guided By A Glacier


This morning as I sat on the hay loft steps out in the barn, I contemplated the words of a trusted brother in Christ, who spoke to me the other day about the “glacial movement of God in our lives…very slow, very incremental, but inexorable.”

I thought about the attributes of a glacier. A glacier is huge—so huge that when you stand upon it, you can’t see where it begins or where it ends from your vantage point. You can’t see it moving or feel it moving, it just seems to sit still. You can’t tell what direction it’s moving in, you can only see where it’s been. You can only see the path it has cut by the sheer force of its magnitude, weight, and inevitability.

Truly, there is an inevitability about a glacier that should quiet our soul, while at the same time, cause us to stand before it in fear and awe. You cannot stop a glacier. Just the thought of such a thing is beyond absurd. Your will and your opinion and your emotions have absolutely zero bearing upon the movement of a glacier. That glacier is gonna go where it’s gonna go, regardless of any human’s attempted influence. Therefore, the only human choice that matters is whether we want to stand upon it and go where it goes, or to not stand upon it and be left behind.

The only thing we can really do when we stand on a glacier is wait on it. But still, we choose whether we want to stand upon the glacier and wait as it makes its way, or if we’d rather jump off because we’re tired of waiting and want to make our own way. And even so, choosing our own path is futile, because it’s going to be pulverized by the eventual and inevitable movement of the glacier anyway. The only two real options are to be on the glacier and wait, or to be off the glacier and pulverized.

Jesus is going to return to this earth, and I’m telling you right now, there are a lot of people who think they are ready, but they ain’t ready. He is returning to this earth to judge it and to rule it. This earth will be judged and then ruled by Jesus Christ. And the only thing that is going to matter in that moment—the moment when everything changes, the moment when that becomes our new reality—is where you are standing. On the glacier or off it.

(Luke 20:17,18) But Jesus looked directly at them and said, “Then what is the meaning of that which is written: ‘The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone’? Everyone who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed.”

(Revelation 1:3-7) …the time is near…Grace to you and peace, from Him Who is and Who was and Who is to come, and from the seven Spirits Who are before His throne, and from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn of the dead, and the ruler of the kings of the earth. To Him Who loves us and released us from our sins by His blood—and He has made us to be a kingdom, priests to His God and Father—to Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen. Behold, He is coming with the clouds and every eye will see Him, even those who pierced Him; and all the tribes of the earth will mourn over Him. So it is to be. Amen.

(Posted on Facebook 12/8/2020 Talitha Koum)

Monday, December 28, 2020

Bungled By A Biscuit



I cussed at our dog this morning for eating a biscuit off the kitchen counter.

I woke up late this morning, and chaos ensued in our home. We scrambled, we stumbled, we growled and hissed. My fifteen year-old stayed parked in the middle of my bathroom, gazing at herself in the mirror trying to decide whether the black boots matched the purple shirt. Or the tan one. Or whatever color it was. I was too busy trying to find socks and my other boot, while having to walk around her every time I had to walk through my bathroom. My five year-old said her sock felt weird and refused to put her boot on. My nine year-old daughter was outside singing Christmas carols to the dog while he pooped. My thirteen year-old…Lord have mercy…just get out of her way or you’ll get flattened. All I could see was the tails of her shirt flappin’ as she steamrolled around the house.

Lunches thrown together, haphazardly packed into lunch bags…where’s the pop tarts?...who ate all the sausage biscuits, there are only three left?...Lord help me this ship is sinking…thank God my Momma is doing my five year-old’s hair…thank you Momma…don’t forget to take the sausage biscuits out of the microwave and put them on the counter…Rebekah, PUT ON YOUR SHOES CHILD…girls, we gotta go, y’all gonna be late…go get in the car, I’ll bring you the sausage biscu…….

The dog and the biscuits and the sausage and a thousand pieces of paper towel trailed through the kitchen and dining room. And I lost it. Obscenities flowed forth from my mouth, and the old me came forth with gusto like a well-worn glove. Thankfully, my babies were already outside. As soon as I dropped them off at school, I began to cry and worship God all the way to the feed store to get horse food, “I’m sorry God, I need You, I love You…” As I cried, I told Him, “I am so glad that You are a God Who does the work in me that needs to be done, because I can’t. You are the only One Who can make me right.”

In that moment, the weight of the reality of our helpless estate was so real to me. We cannot save ourselves, we cannot be good, we cannot fix ourselves or improve ourselves or live up to God’s holy standards in our own strength. That is why Scripture tells us that faith in Jesus Christ makes us a new creature (2 Cor 5:17). That is why Scripture teaches that the “old you” is dead (Rom 6:4-6). That doesn’t mean that it won’t rear its ugly head sometimes, but beloved, our spiritual truth is that we need what Jesus did on the cross. We need to embrace that death and become one with it. We need to set our eyes on it as He makes the truth of it real in us. Because He is the only one Who can.

I am so glad that He is a God Who can take a heart burdened with longing for righteousness and holiness and make it so. I am so glad that He is able when I am not (Phil 4:13). I am so glad that He purchased me with His own blood (1 Pet 1:18,19), and that He is faithful to finish the work He has begun in me (Phil 1:6). I need a God like that. And so do you.

(Romans 7:22-25) For in my inner being I delight in God’s law. But I see another law at work in my body, warring against the law of my mind and holding me captive to the law of sin that dwells within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!…

(1 Cor 1:17,18) For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not with words of wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power. For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved, it is the power of God.

(Ezekiel 36:25-27) …I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from you and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe my ordinances.

(Gal 2:21) I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

(Titus 2:11-14) For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, Who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds.

(Posted on Facebook 12/7/2020 Talitha Koum

How Does Your Garden Grow




One thing that I struggle with is, I want to grow so badly that I try to make myself grow. I think, “I’m doing all the things, Lord.” Like, "Here I am Lord. I’m doin’ all the stuff. Make me grow…" *tap, tap, tap, goes my foot…*

I’m like a kid who plants a seed in a Styrofoam cup and overwaters it in an attempt to force it to grow. Who gets up every morning to go see how much it has changed, and frustrated because it doesn’t seem like a whole ‘lot is changing. During my barn time this morning, God brought all this to my mind and He said, “Wheat doesn’t grow because it tries to. It doesn’t grow because of the force of its own will.” And He’s right. He’s so right.

Wheat doesn’t grow because it makes itself grow. Wheat does not plant itself and it does not grow because of an effort of its own will. Wheat grows because it has been planted by something else. It grows because of forces beyond its control—yielding to the light of the sun, drinking deeply of the water provided by the one who planted it. Yet, even though the wheat yields and drinks, its growing and maturing does not happen because the wheat has decided that it will happen. It happens because forces beyond its control are working together to bring it to maturity.

Another thing that the Lord reminded me of today, is that you can’t actually watch wheat grow in real-time. Wheat cannot “watch” itself grow. Day after day, wheat yields to the sun and day after day, it drinks of the water, and slowly but imperceptibly, the wheat changes. Little by little, day by day. The only way wheat can see its own growth is by looking back at where it once was, in comparison to where it is now. Growth is only perceived by a critical mass of change.
This is our truth, beloved. We have been planted by the Lord, and it is His seed which has been planted within us. It is His light to which we yield and it is His wellspring of Living Water from which we drink. And we do not grow because we try so very hard to grow. We grow because of Him Who is both the sower and the grower.

(1 Cor 3:6,7) I planted the seed and Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, Who makes things grow.

(Mark 4:26-29) And He was saying, “The kingdom of God is like a man who casts seed upon the soil; and he goes to bed at night and gets up by day, and the seed sprouts and grows—how, he himself does not know. The soil produces crops by itself; first the blade, then the head, then the mature grain in the head. But when the crop permits, he immediately puts in the sickle, because the harvest has come.”

(Matthew 13:24-30) Jesus presented another parable to them saying, “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while his men were sleeping, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat…when the wheat sprouted and bore grain, then the tares became evident…the slaves said..”Do you want us..to..gather them up?” But he said, “No, for while you are gathering up the tares, you may uproot the wheat with them. Allow both to grow together until the harvest; and in the time of the harvest, I will say to the reapers, ‘First gather up the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them up; but gather the wheat into my barn.’”

(Matthew 3:11,12) I baptize you with water for repentance, but after me will come One more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire. His winnowing fork is in His hand to clear His threshing floor and to gather His wheat into the barn, but He will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire.

(Posted on Facebook 12/5/2020 Talitha Koum)

Wednesday, December 23, 2020

Religious Checkmate




There was a time in my walk with Christ when I was more focused on everyone else and how they should be living and what they should be doing, rather than on the work that God wanted to do in me.

I cringe just writing that, just admitting it. But it’s true. I thought that everyone in the church was delusional and blind and I felt alone. I was in bondage to a religious spirit and it caused me to cross examine everything and everyone, no matter what anyone said, I could point out some additional failure to live up to God’s standard, some additional aspect of Scripture that they missed, some error they were making. It was like a never-ending chess game that was impossible to win and the enemy was working through me—a genuine believer—to discourage people and drive them away, instead of God’s Spirit working through me to draw others nearer to Him.

I was simultaneously being convicted of sin by the Holy Spirit, Who was working to increase my awareness of it, while at the same time, feeling self-righteous in my pursuit of perfection by my own efforts. I felt constant frustration and was tormented by both shame and pride. Shame because I grew more aware of sin, and pride because of my hard work in pursuing righteousness-- pride which was expressed by my perpetual condemnation of others. God had to allow me to exhaust myself to teach me a proper understanding of the balance of His grace and His righteous requirements in Christ-- our willingness to yield to Christ being formed in us and His righteousness being expressed through us by His Holy Spirit.

Brothers and sisters, we preach righteousness by preaching Jesus Christ crucified. We deal with heresy by pursuing Jesus Christ, so that we may teach others Jesus Christ. We serve others by our obedience to the Master, Jesus Christ. Scripture says the watchmen on the wall are to warn-- not criticize, not police, not judge the motives of other people’s hearts. Granted, many in the church today truly are not walking in the way they should, but we teach and God deals. We teach and disciple, and God judges and deals with them. I confess, that God had to deal with my own heart before He could ever use me to teach others about His standards and His requirements. He had to crush me and break me so that I would only deal with people in patience and love and true humility, realizing that we all miss the mark, we all fail to live up to His word and His standards without His Spirit at work in us. And it is His Spirit Who works righteousness in us as we grow in our understanding and relationship with Christ, so that no man may boast.

Jesus Christ has called us to a life of devotion to HIM and focus on HIM, and He desires more than anything for us to grow in our knowledge of HIM and understanding of HIS ways, so that we can rightly divide HIS word and show others in this world a God who is full of both grace and truth.

(John 1:14,16,17) The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth…From His fullness we have all received grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

(1 Cor 1:30,31) It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God: our righteousness, holiness, and redemption. Therefore as it is written, “Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord.”

(1 Cor 4:4,5) My conscience is clear, but that does not vindicate me. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive His praise from God.

(Jude 1:20-25 ) But you, beloved, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God as you await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you eternal life. And indeed, have mercy on those who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; and to still others show mercy tempered with fear, hating even the clothing stained by the flesh.… Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you unblemished in His glorious presence, with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority through Jesus Christ our Lord before all time, and now and for all eternity. Amen

(Posted on Facebook 12/4/2020 Talitha Koum)

Tuesday, December 22, 2020

God Made Ants




I was working out in my chicken yard one day, going to war against the ants. I remember standing in the middle of the yard in frustration about my murderous mission, looking around and grumbling about all the ant piles, and then all of a sudden I thought to myself, “God put a lot of thought into designing an ant.”

In that moment, I wondered why it seemed so absurd to me that God spent time on an ant. But He did. The God of the universe spent time and thought on an ant, and as I stood there in my chicken yard contemplating that, I looked out to my pasture and saw one of my muscular, graceful horses and then I looked down at my feet at the busy little ants and thought, “You put just as much thought and time in one of those beautiful strong horses as you did in one of these piddling little ants.” And the more I thought about that, the more I began to appreciate the fact that we are literally surrounded by God’s testament to us of His character. All of creation speaks of a God Who puts thought and care into the works of His hands.

Paul teaches us that God reveals Himself plainly to us through the works of His own creation, “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood from His workmanship, so that men are without excuse” (Rom 1:19,20). David tells us that the heavens tell of His glory and declare the work of His hands-- day to day His creation pours forth speech and offers us knowledge of the God Who created it (Psalm 19:1,2).

God loves His creation and takes no delight in our sorrows or death. His desire is to restore us and to heal us and to bring about the fullness of our redemption. That is His true heart towards us. But God must judge our sin, and He will judge our sin. Ancient Israel was the apple of His eye, the beloved of His heart, but the day finally came that He had to judge them for their sin, because God is just and righteous and we cannot make light of His holiness. We cannot break His laws and spit in His face without repentance and not be held accountable for it. The day will come when we will no longer have the luxury of rejecting His grace. On that day, the door of grace will close and His cup of wrath will overflow and flood the world with His justice.

Whatever the days ahead hold for us, remember to look around you at the work of His hands and contemplate His testament to us. Remember that His heart toward you is for restoration and redemption through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ. Remember that God taught us about sin at the cost of His own flesh. Remember that Jesus said, “I am the way…” and He showed us the way through His death on a cross, freeing us from the bondage of sin and death and redeeming us through His blood unto eternal life.

(1 Tim 2:3-6) This is good and pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, Who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God and one mediator also between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, Who gave Himself as a ransom for all, the testimony given at just the right time.

(2 Pet 3:9) The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some understand slowness, but is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish but everyone to come to repentance.

(Acts 17:30,31) Although God overlooked the ignorance of earlier times, He now commands all people everywhere to repent. For He has set a day when He will judge the world with justice by the Man He has appointed. He has given proof of this to everyone by raising Him from the dead.

(Ezekiel 33:11) Say to them: “As surely as I live,” declares the Lord God, “I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that the wicked should turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! For why should you die, O house of Israel?”

(Posted on Facebook 11/30/2020 Talitha Koum)

Well Of Weakness




During my barn time a few days ago, the Spirit reminded me of a word He gave me a while back: “For power to be proved worthy, it must be subjected to futility.”

I thought that as I matured in Christ, I would feel stronger, smarter, more capable. But because we serve a characteristically paradoxical God, I have found that just the opposite is true. For the genuine saint, as Christ is revealed in us in increasing measure, we become less and less self-sufficient and less and less dependent upon our own understanding and strength. Another part of this paradox is that as we become less and less, we begin to realize more and more. We realize the true depravity of the human condition: we are weak, we are ignorant, we are cowards, we are utterly incapable of anything good outside of Jesus Christ, Who Himself, holds the very fabric of our reality together by the threads of His grace (Mark 10:18; Rom 3:10-12; Col 1:17).

A genuine walk with Christ is a process of “emptying” just as Christ was emptied—the culmination of such emptying being the release of His Spirit when He died on the cross (John 19:30). As followers of Christ, we willingly subject ourselves to futility just as He Himself was willingly subjected to futility. For power to be proved worthy, it must be willing to relinquish it and follow in the steps of Christ, Who exampled to us utter and complete dependence upon God. He was willing to experience sorrow and spiritual destitution, and to know weakness, humility, suffering and loss. To follow in the steps of Christ, we must become nothing, we must become the least, we must plumb the depths of lack and need and dependence (Matt 18:1-4 & 20:26,27). It is a spiritual mystery which continues to baffle us: “My power is perfected in weakness…” (2 Cor 12:9).

You see, as long as there is any modicum of self-sufficiency, self-mustered courage or self-motivated wisdom, we are subject to pride. In such case, we operate according to the precepts of “Self” and thus, are prey to our own deceptive heart. And when we are operating thusly, no matter what, our choices will always inevitably lead to sin. To walk in Self is to wear the graveclothes of death and sin, to walk in Christ is to be clothed in His righteousness. Therefore, our narrow path of salvation is a path of “coming to the end of Self.” It is a path upon which we become more and more consciously aware that our graveclothes have been shed through our faith in the cross of Christ, and we now walk in newness of life clothed in His righteousness.

As Christ is formed in us, Self operates in us less, and the Spirit of God manifests Itself in us more. I liken it to divine “digging.” As you dig a well, the dirt is taken out-- it is displaced and replaced with something else. And what replaces displaced dirt in a deep well, beloved?
Living water.

(John 13:15,16) I have set you an example so that you should do as I have done for you. Truly, truly, I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.

(John 7:37-39) On the last and greatest day of the feast, Jesus stood up and called out in a loud voice, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. Whoever believes in Me, as the Scripture has said: “Streams of living water will flow from within him.” He was speaking about the Spirit, whom those who believed in Him were later to receive. For the Spirit had not yet been given, because Jesus had not yet been glorified.

(Luke 23:45-47) The sun was darkened, and the veil of the temple was torn down the middle. Then Jesus called out in a loud voice, “Father, into Your hands I commit My Spirit.” And when He had said this, He breathed His last. When the centurion saw what had happened, he gave glory to God, saying, “Surely this was a righteous man.”…

(Phil 2:6-8) …Who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross.

(Posted on Facebook 11/25/2020 Talitha Koum)

Are You Willing?




This morning in my barn I prayed, “Increase my capacity to know You.” I told God that I longed to be a deep well, that I longed for Him to increase my capacity for Him. And the Spirit communicated, “Are you willing....?” In that moment He gave me understanding that longing is not willingness. 

He helped me see the error we often make by assuming that our longing for something equates to our willingness to actually pursue it. You see, there was a time in my life that I longed to quit drinking, but for a long time I wasn’t willing. I longed to know God, but for a long time I wasn’t willing to read my Bible. God’s work in us is a symbiotic relationship between longing and willingness. The longing in you for the things of God is a sign of your salvation, it is a witness to the presence of the Holy Spirit in you, because none of us have a natural desire for such things. Our natural desires are selfish, because the natural man is still in bondage to Self. 

Through our faith in the cross of Jesus Christ—the crucifixion of His flesh as payment for sin— we are willingly placing Self on that cross to be crucified too. Self joins Christ in that death and we become a new creation that is raised to new life. But our subsequent spiritual growth, the progressive sanctification of our consciousness and being, happens through experience. God uses the circumstances of our life to teach us how to live as that new creation. How to live in increasing willingness to be utterly and completely surrendered to our Creator— to truly live under the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Thus, the longing is present because of His Spirit. But He continues to ask, “Are you willing...?” 

Little by little, circumstance by circumstance, He shapes us and molds us as we consciously and willingly give ourselves over to Him more and more. This is what Paul means when he tells us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12). This is what Paul is talking about when he says, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance as our way of life” (Eph 2:10).
This morning when I asked God to increase my capacity for Him and He asked me, “Are you willing...?” I paused. 

I paused because I am a woman who is intimately familiar with the severity of God. I love Him but I fear Him. So I whispered, “Yes my Lord, I am willing, but I also pray that You will make me able.” To be a deep well requires digging, and sometimes God’s hands can be excruciating. There is displacement that takes place when you dig, because spiritual transactions cost a pound of flesh. To have more of Him, means there must be less of you.

(Phil 2:12,13) Therefore, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence, but now even more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. For it is God who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good purpose.

(Mark 9:23,24) “If You can?” echoed Jesus. “All things are possible to him who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father cried out, “I do believe; help my unbelief!”
(John 3:30) He must increase, but I must decrease.

(Rom 6:16-18) Do you not know that when you offer yourselves as obedient slaves, you are slaves to the one you obey, whether you are slaves to sin leading to death, or to obedience leading to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

(Posted on Facebook 11/24/2020 Talitha Koum)

Saturday, December 19, 2020

Preacher Girl




I am not a righteous woman.

I remember one day about ten years ago, I was in my Mammaw’s dining room talking to my Aunt Dorothy. I told her that I had started to read the Bible, you know, the whole thing, from cover to cover. She smiled and enthusiastically commended me for such an endeavor. Then I said, “I think God wants me to preach.” And I remember the look on her face. She didn’t say anything, she just raised her eyebrows, but I knew what she was thinking, “Ain’t no way God would call you to preach.” Now, I love my Aunt Dorothy, so don’t think I’m sharing this to speak ill of her because I’m not. Truth be told, Aunt Dorothy had every reason to think what she did because of what she saw on the outside of me, but God looks at our heart.

I didn’t get married until I was 27 years old because honestly, it seemed like more trouble than it was worth from my vantage point. I had a filthy mouth, a drinking problem, a temper, an attitude, and was fiercely independent, but there was a heart underneath all that, and that heart was broken. All that tough outer shell was to protect all the brokenness inside. God saw the inside of me and said, “I’m going to redeem that and call it Mine.”

I have always been deeply impacted by the story of King David. He’s not who the world would have picked, but He is who God picked because God saw his heart. I have often marveled how a mercenary, an adulterer, and a murderer could be called a man after God’s own heart. David was not a righteous man, even by the world’s standards, but David was filled with a deep longing to know God. David was willing to be righteous, willing to surrender, willing to repent. The Psalms are full of his heart-piercing prayers, his inner longings to please God, even despite his failures. David was willing to be completely transparent before God, whether he could find the right words to express himself or not. I have found that we often want beautiful words, but God simply wants to anoint our cries.

No, I am not a righteous woman, but I’m willing to be. I am not righteous, but Christ in me is righteous. He wanted my heart and I was willing to give it to Him, shattered pieces and all, with the childlike hope that He could somehow put it all back together. Because of His Holy Spirit at work in me, I am not the woman I used to be, but I am still becoming the woman God wants me to be. Despite my past and despite my weaknesses which remain, I am filled with a deep longing to know God. I long for righteousness, I long to surrender, I am quick to repent, and beloved, if you are filled with those things then God will be faithful to finish His work of righteousness in you too.

(2 Cor 5:20,21) Therefore we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ: Be reconciled to God. God made Him Who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God. 

(Phil 1:4,5) In every prayer for all of you, I always pray with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

(1 Sam 16:6-12) When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and said, “Surely here before the LORD is His anointed.” But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or height, for I have rejected him; the Lord does not see as man does. For man sees the outward appearance, but the Lord sees the heart.” … Thus Jesse made seven of his sons pass before Samuel, but Samuel told him, “The Lord has not chosen any of these.”...“There is still the youngest,” Jesse replied, “but he is tending the sheep.” “Send for him,” Samuel replied… So Jesse sent for his youngest son and brought him in....And the LORD said, “Rise and anoint him, for he is the one.”

(Acts 13:22) After removing Saul, He raised up David as their king and testified about him: 'I have found David son of Jesse a man after My own heart; he will carry out My will in its entirety.'

The Offense Of The Cost



Someone reported my most recent post as offensive. I wrote about beholding the payment for our sin and I used a picture of crucified feet, showing the brutality of the crucifixion of Christ. Whoever reported the picture said the picture of crucified feet was too graphic, they were offended by it, and reported it to be censored. 

Imagine that. The reality of the crucifixion too graphic for someone to behold. And that, beloved, is the reality of the cross of Christ— it is severe and it is obscene and that offends us. It is too graphic, too brutal, too bloody. So we look away to preserve ourselves. We turn away from the cost of sin because it disturbs us too much.
We want beauty, not ashes. We want comfort, not sorrow. But God says He gives us beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for our mourning— it’s an exchange (Isaiah 61:3). Thus, we must not turn away from the truth that the beautiful glory of the resurrection only came through the macabre severity of the crucifixion. 

But we don’t want to look. We don’t want to see. Everything in us wants to look away, to seek the good without first facing and understanding the bad. But the ordained story of humanity is God first teaching us about the bad, so that we can understand the value of the good. Showing us a fallen creation before a perfected one. Allowing the reality of sin to be played out in the fullness of its destruction, to make us wise to His righteousness as we wait for the fullness of restoration. We chose the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and this is the price. 

But still, we don’t want to look. We don’t want to face the ugly. But when we look at Scripture we see that is exactly why God sent the prophets, and that is exactly why the prophets were killed. God sent prophets to make people face the ugly so they could be healed. But we don’t like the ugly, so those whom God sent were killed so they would stop speaking of it. Human flesh desires pleasure and comfort, so it says, “Tell us only of the beauty! Tell us only of the joy!” But that is not why God sent prophets. God always sent prophets to say “Behold your spiritual truth. Behold the cost of sin. And don’t look away.” And when we look at Scripture we see that God often sent prophets when the people were at their lowest, when all they wanted was encouragement, but God sent them severity. And severity is offensive. 

The Gospel is the cross of Christ. The cross of Christ is the power of God unto salvation. It may not make sense to us to tell hurting people to look at it. To behold the obscenity and severity of it. It didn’t make sense to Jews who had been waiting for their Messiah and King and it didn’t make sense to Greeks who idolized knowledge and power. Both Jew and Greek were offended— for two thousand years it has caused Jews to stumble and Gentiles to mock (1 Cor 1:23). But the truth of both the ugliness of our spiritual condition and the beauty of our salvation is that God was crucified on a cross. That is how He chose to save us and that is what we must face for our healing. 

I find it ironic that my Facebook warning says, “...some people may choose not to see it...” Indeed. Some people may choose not to look at what God did to save us from our sin. Which is why I also find it ironic when we choose to look away in offense from the cost of our salvation, when it was the price required because of our offense to God. 

(Romans 1:16) I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, first to the Jew, then to the Greek.

(1 Cor 1:22-24) Jews demand signs and Greeks search for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.

Monday, December 14, 2020

Behold The Cost


 

Behold the cost and don’t look away.

This world is types and shadows, mere reflections of spiritual realities. I see many well-intentioned believers clinging to types and shadows as the substance, when Scripture clearly teaches us that all things point to Christ Who is the Substance (Col 2:17). The reality of Christ and our spiritual truths in Him, is where our narrow path is directed (John 5:39; Col 1:17 & 3:11; 1 Cor 15:28). The foot of the cross is where our individual path ends and we can walk no farther on our own. Our individual path ends at the cross where our hands are nailed down to end all attempts to save ourselves by our own self-sufficiency, and our feet nailed down so we cannot walk the path of self-will. Our faith in the physical reality of the cross is where the path of Self ends because that is where we are joined with Christ spiritually and now there are two on the narrow path instead of one.

The initial challenge of all humanity is for us to even tread to the foot of the cross in the first place—to face that cross and look upon the crucified flesh of our Lord and behold the cost of sin. To face the fruit of Self—treachery in the heart of mankind against his own Creator. The Spirit says to us all, “You would live your life much differently if you had actually watched the Son be crucified.” That is because there is a disconnect between us and our sin until our eyes witness the cost of it. God taught us about sin at the cost of His own flesh. Thus, we must behold the bloody, macabre spectacle of His humiliation and death without giving into our instinct to preserve Self and look away.

Then we must sit there at His bloody feet as we learn to wait upon the Lord. We sit in that blood, we sit in that payment for sin as we fight the urge to look away. We allow Him to strip us of our own substance, as we allow Him to teach us the meaning behind the types and shadows. We let go of what we thought we knew, of what we thought we understood, as He brings us to a place in which we must be carried as He keeps asking us with every step, “Are you willing?” Are you willing to trust Me? Are you willing to surrender? Are you willing to die? We sit at the foot of that cross as Self wrestles with God. As His brilliant light exposes all the dark corners of our heart and Self cries out, “Your beauty only magnifies my ugliness!” As Self fights the urge to look away and writhes in agony, just as He writhed in agony on that cross. As Self is put to death and crucified, pound by pound, and all the life drains out of it, just like the life was drained out of Him.

The utter death of Christ’s flesh is what led to utter life through His resurrection. Do you see beloved? The law of the kingdom of God is utter life from utter death. Just like God taught ancient Israel spiritual truths through physical realities, the same is true for His church. As we gaze upon the death of Christ’s flesh on the cross, the Spirit says, “Behold your spiritual truth, behold the path of salvation, behold your Savior, behold His suffering, His humiliation, His death.”

Behold the end of your path where you can walk no farther on your own two feet.
Behold the power of God unto salvation.
Behold your need.
Behold the cost.
And don’t look away.

(John 12:31-33) “Now judgment is upon this world; now the prince of this world will be cast out. And I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all to Myself.” He said this to indicate the kind of death He was going to die.

(John 3:14-21) Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, so that everyone who believes in Him may have eternal life. For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him shall not perish by have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn it but to save it through Him. Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. And this is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light; for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But he who practices truth comes to the light, so that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.

Monday, November 16, 2020

The Way Of Futility


“Because in much wisdom there is much grief, and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain.” (Ecclesiastes 1:18)

It is painful to gaze upon our true reflection
Ignorance is bliss
Which is better:
To be happily ignorant
Or to be joyfully afflicted?

As I explore the paths of wisdom
I only become more aware that I am a child who knows nothing
An ignorant babe who needs to be taught
I keep sitting up to listen
Yet, You say lay back to hear
I keep sitting up to learn
Yet, You say lay back and be taught
I reach for You to grasp You
Yet, You say drop your hands and receive
I want to strive for understanding
Yet, You say be still as You give revelation

I want to find the source of the wind
Yet, You say let it blow where it will
“Just feel the wind in your face, child”
But I want to hold it in my hand
I want to examine the wind
And You say let it be
“Observe the effects of the wind,
But do not try to grasp it.”
Yet I grasp and reach
For something that is impossible to catch
Why do I keep doing this?
Why am I compelled by futility?

Because we have been subjected to futility
You said, “From this tree do not eat”
Yet, we reached
We grasped
And when we looked down at our hands
To see what we obtained
We looked with horror
We sobbed with grief
Because we reached for You
But we only grasped our self
Our hands are full of ourselves
With no room for You
We reached for freedom
Only to be shackled by Self

For thousands of years we sat in these chains
We sat in darkness
Hands full of ourselves
Minds full of knowledge without understanding
Such is the curse of futility
We were created for knowledge
Yet we cursed ourselves with the inability to understand
What good is knowledge without understanding?
Yes, this is futility

Yet, this is when we begin to understand
To understand the depths of meaninglessness
To understand that without You, there is nothing
Without You, there is only futility
There is only chasing after a wind
That will never be caught
Because our hands cannot hold the wind
They can only hold ourselves
Or You
But we must choose one or the other

(Deut 30:19,20) This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him. For the Lord is your life…

(Rom 8:19-21) For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to futility, not by its own will, but because of the One who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

(John 3:6-8) That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not be amazed that I said to you, “You must be born again.” The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from or where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit.

(Eccl 3:11,12) I have seen the burden that God has laid upon the sons of men to occupy them. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men, yet they cannot fathom the work that God has done from beginning to end.

(Posted on Facebook 11/16/2020 Talitha Koum)

Broken Zippers



I am a terrible salesman. 

When I was in high-school I got a job at a clothing store in the mall. On the last day I worked there, a young man came in who was interested in an expensive jacket. The job was commission-based and my manager constantly reminded me —“Whatever it takes to make the sale.” The young man was reluctant to splurge on the jacket and my manager saw me fidgeting in reluctance to make the sale. So, the manager came over and convinced the young man to buy it. As the young man walked to the register, I was compelled to tell him the whole truth: “You need to know that the zipper on that jacket is broken.” Needless to say, my manager advised me that my services were no longer needed.

One of the many things I love about the Bible is that it doesn’t leave out the ugly parts. God tells us about the broken zippers. The Bible isn’t trying to sell anyone Christianity, its focus is truth, more so than any particular emotion. And often times, truth can be ugly. Like, Peter-denying-Jesus-three-times-even-though-he-swore-he-wouldn’t, kind of ugly (Mark 14:31,67-72). Scripture paints no illusions as it shows us the full gamut of the human condition: betrayal and faithfulness, sorrow and joy, perversion and purity. We see failure, weakness, and fear, along with victory, strength, and courage.

For a long time Christianity has attempted to sell people cheap happiness, instead of teaching them how to have costly joy. And to teach people how to have costly joy, we must tell them the whole truth of what it means to be a Christian, both the struggles and the joys. We must do exactly as our Master instructed, “teach them to observe all I commanded…” (Matt 28:20). And Jesus never commanded us to sell Him to anyone, He never told us to focus only the good parts, He never said, “Whatever it takes to make the sale.” He commanded us to “count the cost,” and for someone to accurately count the cost, means that we tell them about the broken zippers (Luke 14:28).

We tell them that eternal joy in Jesus Christ is costly. Jesus communicates this emphatically in His teachings (Matt 13:44,45; 16:25,26; Luke 14:16-35). It will cost us our own right to ourselves as we submit to Him as Lord. It will cost us our pride as we humble ourselves before Him. For Christ to be our supreme devotion, means that our walk with Him is one of increasing narrowness (Matt 7:14), allowing nothing-- not family (Luke 14:26), not possessions (Luke 14:33), not ambitions (Luke 14:8,9), not worldly obligations (Luke 14:18-20), not anything in all of creation to come between us and Him.

Beloved, here is the whole truth: Jesus Christ gives us Himself freely by our faith in Him, but we must be prepared in our heart to have Him at any cost.

(Matt 13:44,45) The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and in his joy he went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls, and upon finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it.

(Matt 16:24,25 ) Then Jesus told His disciples, “If anyone wants to come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”

(John 15:1,2) I am the true vine, and My Father is the keeper of the vineyard. He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, and every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.

(Acts 14:21,22) After they had preached the gospel to that city and had made many disciples, they returned to Lystra and to Iconium and to Antioch, strengthening the souls of the disciples, encouraging them to continue in the faith, and saying, “Through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God.”

(Prov 23:23) Invest in truth and never sell it—get wisdom and instruction and understanding.

(Posted on Facebook 11/15/2020 Talitha Koum)

The Way Of Christ



I have found that one of the most difficult things in my walk with Christ is to allow myself to be taught by Him, rather than be driven by my constant endeavor to learn about Him. 

Beloved, there is a fine line between learning versus being taught. There can be an aggressiveness to learning. Whereas, to be taught, requires a certain degree of submissiveness. A pupil who is taught, needs to be silent and still while they receive the teacher’s instructions. It is difficult to teach when the student is asking questions the whole time. It is difficult to teach when the student spends much of their time trying to anticipate what the teacher is going to say next so they can run out ahead. It is difficult to teach when the student assumes they understand before the teacher is done with the explanation. 

You cannot teach someone who already thinks they know. This is why Jesus didn’t choose anyone from the religious establishment to be His apostle. He needed those who were willing to submit to Him in humility, to forget what they thought they knew and admit that they needed to be taught. Those who would allow themselves to be broken, rejected, mocked, and humiliated. Those who were willing to forsake their pride for His sake. 

There is a breaking-down that is needed to build someone up in the way of Christ. Too often, we only seek the building-up and never submit to the breaking-down. When this happens, arrogance invades the church and the sheep are devoured instead of fed. When we only seek to be built-up instead of embracing the breaking-down, the church looks more like the world instead of the kingdom of God. That is because in His kingdom the way up is down, the way of life is to be put to death, to be great is to be the least. In the kingdom of God, to be made worthy of power is to be willing to relinquish it and be weak. For when we are weak, He is strong, and this flies in the face of the dictates of the current prince of this world. 

(John 14:30,31) I will not speak with you much longer, for the prince of this world is coming, and he has no claim on Me, but he comes so that the world may learn that I love the Father and do exactly what my Father has commanded me.

(2 Cor 12:9,10) And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. That is why, for the sake of Christ, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

(Posted on Facebook 11/14/2020 Talitha Koum)

The Way Of The Cross



The way of the cross is brutal. It is bloody. The cross says, “The only way to reach out and grasp true freedom is to have your hand nailed down.”

Paradox.

To walk in the valley of the shadow of death is to come face to face with all the things that are working death in you. It is to walk the narrow path of life through the valley of death, and as you walk, you encounter your own ego, your own selfishness, your longing for approval, your desire to be accepted among men, your self-pity, your pride, and other such things we like to keep hidden behind that fig leaf. It is to wrestle against the muscle of your own reasoning. It is to willingly drop to your knees in submission, when you’d rather stand tall in your love of authority. It is to be willing to surrender when you would rather be in control. Paul said, “I die daily,” and so must we (1 Cor 15:31).

I think we are reluctant to admit our struggles with these things because we are ashamed. We are so used to hiding behind that fig leaf, of attempting to cover our own nakedness with the illusion of self-sufficiency-- “Nothing to see in my own heart, move along…” Then there are annoying people like me who shout from the city gate, “Come see how ugly we are, come and face all your warts.” That is because until we are ready to face our own wretchedness, until we are ready to look in the mirror without any filter, I dare say that we can have no real depth of intimacy with Jesus Christ. The land of the flesh is superficial and if we insist on dwelling there, then our pursuit of Christ will remain superficial as well.

We can follow Christ around and merely listen to His teachings, just like many others did in Jesus’ days on earth. But Jesus said, “For those who have ears to hear…” (Matt 13:9). It is one thing to listen, but it is quite another to truly hear what is being said. In Jesus’ day, many listened for a little while, but there will come a time for us just like it did for them, when Jesus will turn around and say, “For those who have ears to hear: There is one thing you lack. And you can follow Me this far and no farther unless you are willing to deny yourself and put your flesh to death” (Mark 10:21; Luke 9:23,24). The price of our freedom was paid for by the flesh of Jesus Christ, but there seem to be so very few who are truly willing to join Him in that death.

Beloved, Scripture clearly teaches that we are to join Christ in His death (Rom 6:4-6), that we are to flee from sin (2 Tim 2:22; Rom 13:14), that we are a new creature who is having Christ formed in us in ever-increasing glory (2 Cor 3:18, 5:17; Gal 4:19; Col 1:27). And this only happens through our cooperation with His Spirit Who works within us unto that end. There are sins of the flesh and there are sins of the heart, therefore I will confess to you that it was much easier for me to face the truth that I was an alcoholic and cut off my hand to stop drinking, than it has been for me to walk through the valley of death and face the evil ugliness of my inner man. But we must face this true condition. We must see the depth of our need, before Christ will begin to practically work Himself into us to meet it.

It is time for many in the church to stop playing with the cross, and climb onto it. Because seed cannot sprout unless it dies.

(John 12:24) Truly, truly, I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a seed; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

(Phil 3:10) I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to Him in His death..

(Matt 13:3-9) And He spoke many things to them in parables saying, “Behold, the sower went out to sow; and as he sowed, some seeds fell beside the road, and the birds came and ate them up. Others fell on the rocky places, where they did not have much soil; and immediately they sprang up, because they had no depth of soil. But when the sun had risen, they were scorched; and because they had no root, they withered away. Others fell among the thorns, and the thorns came up and choked them out. And others fell on the good soil and yielded a crop, some a hundredfold, some sixty and some thirty. He who has ears, let him hear.”

(John 15:8) This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

(Psalm 23:3,4) He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

(Posted on Facebook 11/12/2020 Talitha Koum)

Thursday, November 12, 2020

Enduring Your Caiaphas

This morning in the barn I read Mark 14:53-72 about Jesus going before the high priest Caiaphas. When Jesus went before Caiaphas, His hands were likely tied behind His back and He was likely pushed down to His knees, as He was taunted and berated by the Sanhedrin. He was spit in the face, slapped and mocked, enduring gross injustice at the hands of those who should have recognized Him as Messiah, more than anyone else.

We see Jesus enduring extreme testing here. He was betrayed by leaders within His own religious system and He was humiliated by those more ignorant and sinful than He. Jesus was allowed to experience both frustration and helplessness in the face of His circumstances, and He did so with His hands tied behind His back. Oswald Chambers said, “Abraham did not choose what his sacrifice would be….never decide the place of your own martyrdom, as if to say, ‘I will only go to there, but no farther.’ God chose the test for Abraham, and Abraham neither delayed nor protested, but steadily obeyed.” And that is exactly what we see exhibited in the life of our Savior and Master.

To endure your own Caiaphas is to be at the mercy of your ordained circumstances and not fight back. It is to willingly allow your hands to be tied behind your back as your circumstances spit upon you and slap you in the face. It is to want to fight back, to want to take control, to want to escape, but to surrender entirely and endure it instead. It is to trust God implicitly despite your circumstances and have Him on His terms, instead of your own. This morning as I sat on the hay loft steps and tears streamed down my face, I looked up to heaven and prayed, “Thank you for not allowing me to have You on my own terms. I will not ask You to deliver me from my Caiaphas, but I will ask for Your continued grace in the midst of it.”

Beloved, God is not in the business of delivering us from the furnace, but in staying beside us as we endure it. He will lead you by the hand into the fire, He will walk with you in the midst of it, but you must choose whether you trust Him enough to enter. “Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me. Yet not My will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42).

(Isaiah 43:2) When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you go through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched; the flames will not set you ablaze.

(1 Peter 2:20-23) How is it to your credit if you are beaten for doing wrong and you endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His footsteps: "He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth." When they heaped abuse on Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats, but entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly.

(Daniel 3:20,24,25) ….our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire; and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But even if He does not…we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up…then Nebuchadnezzar..commanded some of the strongest soldiers in his army to tie up Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego in order to cast them into the furnace of blazing fire….Suddenly King Nebuchadnezzar jumped up in amazement and asked his advisers, “Did we not throw three men, firmly bound, into the fire?” “Certainly, O king,” they replied. “Look!” he exclaimed. “I see four men, unbound and unharmed, walking around in the fire—and the fourth looks like a son of the gods!”

Eating Dust

It is one thing to speak truth but it is quite another thing to speak truth from a pure heart. Satan can speak truth but he doesn’t speak it from a pure heart. There is no life in truth unless it is spoken through Christ in you. That is what we hunger for, and that is why the church currently starves. 

If we are not giving each other Christ, then what good is it? What good is truth from an impure heart? Jesus said the pure in heart will see God (Matt 5:8). It is the pure in heart who see God and then proclaim to a hungry world Who He is and what He is like. That is the testimony of truth, that is the only thing that can truly feed Christ’s sheep. Everything else is a feast of dust.
Jesus said feed my sheep (John 21:17). Jesus said He is the bread of heaven (John 6:51) and the living water that quenches our thirst (John 4:14), thus the only food and drink we can give anyone is who we are in Christ. Therefore, if you are to strive, strive to know Him. Strive in your surrendering more than your shouting. Let your shout become a sigh. 

There is only one Savior and one Teacher and we can only share with each other what He has given us. He is the head of the river of life, He is the source of all knowledge and wisdom (1 Cor 1:30; Col 2:3) and unless we are giving each other Him, unless we are giving each other Christ, Who is our life (Col 3:4), we labor in vain. Unless we are giving each other Him, we feed each other dust, for we are but dust. 

I see many hungry faces
Haunting eyes of longing
The madness of thirst has set in
The echoes of empty bellies deafen my ears

I see the dirt all around their mouths
The dirty mouth of a child
That has feasted upon dust
They gnaw at their tongue with dry and dusty mouths 

Wipe their faces Lord
And give them drink
“Come to me all you who thirst
And I will give you drink”

Get yourself up on a high mountain Zion
Bearer of good news
Tell them, “Here is your God!”

The afflicted and needy seek water
But there is none
Their tongue is parched with thirst
And You will not forsake them
You will answer them Yourself

Showing Suffering

Sometimes we need to see someone else’s private struggles to understand that we are not alone in ours. Sometimes we need to hear someone else’s private prayers so we know how to shape our own. Sometimes we need to bear witness to someone else’s humiliation to understand that we must face our own. Discipleship is to show someone Christ being worked in you, it is to show them what our walk looks like. But we must show them the truth, all of it. Therefore when I share private, intimate moments from my prayer time, I do so reluctantly.

If I am brutally honest, I wrestle with Facebook and the desire to walk away and leave it be. More often than not, I ask God, “Can I be done now?” I think to myself, “This is the last post I will make for a while, I will take a break and sit in my comfortable solitude.” Sometimes I wrestle with thoughts like, “You shouldn’t have said that, you shouldn’t have shared that.” I understand what Paul meant when he said, “We have become a spectacle to the whole world, to angels as well as to men” (1 Cor 4:9).

Maybe this is what people need to see. Brokenness. A Christian who doesn’t have all the answers. I keep wondering if my heart will be strong enough to carry me through the days ahead, and I keep coming to the conclusion that it won’t. My heart cannot withstand the force of the enemy, no one’s heart can withstand the force of the enemy, that is why we need Jesus Christ. We mustn’t fool ourselves with romantic notions of our own strength. You need Jesus Christ, I need Jesus Christ, and if me sharing my struggles and my doubts and my intimate times with God, even against the screaming reluctance of my flesh, will help someone see Him, then it is a price I’m willing to pay.

Today, I am tired of this world. Today, I give no romantic illusions of valor in my stand for Christ. Will I stand? Yes. Will I endure? Yes. But today, I just want to go home. Here I am, here is what is real in me: outside of Jesus Christ I am nothing, I am a coward and a fool and I am ignorant. The only thing I truly know is that I need Jesus Christ. The only thing I can bring Him day after day is my need and my longing as His Spirit does the work of forming Himself in me in ever-increasing glory. That is what I have to share. I would rather not, I would rather just be alone in my barn and keep all those precious moments to myself, but I can’t because God keeps dragging me back here, day after day. The Spirit keeps compelling me, “Share your journey, even the ugly parts.”

Beloved, sometimes our walk hurts. But trust Him always, even through the ugly parts because it is a walk worth making.

(Heb 12:1-3) Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off every encumbrance and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with endurance the race set out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Dirt With A Conscience

The other morning I sat on the floor of the barn and prayed and wept and confessed the sins of the church and our culture and our nation, and I cried out for God to give us mercy, even though we are ignorant fools who don’t deserve it. And as I sat and prayed, I looked around at all the dirt. It was all over my legs and hands and feet as I sat in it and wept and prayed. As I looked at the dirt all over myself, it dawned on me, “I am dirt with a conscience.”

We are dirt with a conscience. That is the basic truth of humanity. We think we know, we think we understand. We think we can make wise choices and decisions and rule ourselves, but it is only a farcical illusion.

As I looked around at the dirt and chicken poop that surrounded me on the floor of my barn, I thought of Genesis 2:7, “Then the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground and breathed the breath of life into his nostrils, and the man became a living being.” I looked up to heaven with tear-streaked cheeks and said:
I sit in the dust and remember that I am dust
I am dirt with a conscience
Free will is too heavy a burden to bear for dust
Hold it for me, Lord
Take my will into Your hands and carry it
For it is too great a gift for such as we

That morning, as I sat at the Lord’s feet and confessed the truth of my humanity, the Spirit reminded me of a word He gave me that I published on this blog on 1/29/2019:

Cease striving and know that I am God
Let all the earth sit before Me in silence
Let all mankind contemplate their Creator

What words may be spoken that I haven’t given?
What thoughts may be had that I don’t already know?
What can man do that I cannot undo?
What is man, that I should fret at the work of his hands?

Foolish children
Sit in the dust and lament your own ignorance
Oh church, lament your futile service to a God you do not truly know
Oh nations, lament your futile rebellion against an all-consuming fire

In the end
You will either shout for joy or whimper in terror
When I come from My holy dwelling
All the earth will cease striving
And know that I am God

(Zechariah 2:13) Be silent before the LORD, all people, for He has roused Himself from His holy dwelling.

(Psalm 46:6-11 ) The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; He raises His voice, the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah. Come and see what the Lord has done, The desolations He has brought on the earth. He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two; He burns the chariots with fire. He says “Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The Lord of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah

Israel Of Fire

“You will see with your eyes and not understand. But you will know in your heart.”

Jesus is real. And His kingdom is real. He will not share His glory with another. He will not share our hearts with another. Our longing must be for Him alone. We must not give Him lip service only, but we must cry out for Him with our hearts. “You will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord’” (Matt 23:39). This comes to pass when His people have nothing else to put their hope and faith in but Him. In this we have failed, and in this we will now be tested and proven.

“From my distress I called upon the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me in a large place. The Lord is for me; I will not fear; What can man do to me? The Lord is for me among those who help me; therefore I will look with satisfaction on those who hate me. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in princes…O Lord, do save, we beseech You; O Lord, we beseech You, do send prosperity! Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord; we have blessed you from the house of the Lord. The Lord is God, and He has given us light; bind the festival sacrifice with cords to the horns of the altar. You are my God and I give thanks to You..” (Psalm 118:5-9 & 25-28)

Tie me to the horns of your altar, Lord
Let Your fire pass over me
Let Your fire consume me
Let Your fire consume all that is not of You
Let Your fire become my nature

All that I am belongs to You
Make me fire
All that I am belongs to You
Make me burn
All that I am is Yours
And You are a consuming fire

I saw a woman
Her face was aflame
Her hair was a flowing fire
Like the burning bush
She burned, but was not consumed
Because the fire was her nature

When Moses saw the burning bush
God spoke
He revealed Himself
Yet the woman I saw said nothing
She only burned
But she burned beautifully

If she could speak
What would she say?

“Under His glory a fire is kindled
Like a burning flame
The Light of Israel will become a fire
And His Holy One a flame
It will burn and devour both thorns and briars in a single day
His word is like fire
Like a hammer which shatters rock”

(1 Kings 1:50) And Adonijah was afraid of Solomon, and he arose, went and took hold of the horns of the altar. Now it was told Solomon, saying, “Behold, Adonijah is afraid of King Solomon, for behold, he has taken hold of the horns of the altar, saying, ‘Let King Solomon swear to me today that he will not put his servant to death with the sword.’ “ Solomon said, “If he is a worthy man, not one of his hairs will fall to the ground; but if wickedness is found in him, he will die.”

Sunday, November 8, 2020

Woman Of Fire

“Tell them, ‘Fire’…”
It’s all I can hear. It’s all I can see.
Fire.
Everywhere. Everything.

This morning during my barn time, the Spirit brought me to Exodus 3:1-8, then to Acts 2:1-6. As I read, I thought about the day a few years ago on October 12, 2018, I was praying by my bedside, I had my eyes closed and I saw a woman made of fire. It was just a brief flash, a quick snapshot, but her hair was made of flowing fire, her eyes were flames of fire, her gown was flowing tendrils of fire. My understanding was that this is what we look like in the spiritual realm. During that season of my life, the Spirit kept communicating, “To withstand the fire, you must become the fire.”

As I read the passages in Exodus and Acts this morning, the Spirit reiterated our destiny with fire. We will all meet it one way or another, it is inescapable. God appeared to Moses as fire when He heard the cries of His people and came down to deliver them. Do not let the spiritual weight of that be lost upon you beloved-- Jesus is coming back with fire (2 Peter 3:10,11). Then, thousands of years later, God’s Spirit appeared to the early church as fire, to equip them to carry out His commission and His work.

We see a gradual progression here. First, God appeared as fire to Moses and told him to remove his sandals for “you are standing on holy ground” (Exodus 3:5). At that time, God appeared as fire to deliver his people. Then, God appeared as fire to His church and gave them of it, but just to their tongues. This hearkens back to Isaiah, who appeared before the throne of God and had his mouth sanctified by the burning coal from the altar. God’s intention for us as the church was to carry out His work with the portion of fire He gave us—our mouths—just like He gave Isaiah a consecrated mouth (Isaiah 6:6-8; Matt 24:14).

But God is not done with us yet. At some point, we will not only have mouths consecrated by fire, but our whole being. We will be fire, just as He is fire-- we are image bearers and our God is a consuming fire (Hebrews 12:29). That will be the only way to withstand His presence, that will be the only way we survive judgment. I do not know what this will look like and there is much of this I don’t fully understand, but I am sharing this with you out of obedience and praying for His Spirit to draw us together in right understanding.

Over and over we are told of “fire” throughout the Bible. Dig into your Bibles and read what God says about fire, especially how it was used in the Old Testament religious services, all of which were visual representations of spiritual realities. Every human being that has ever lived has a destiny with fire, and there are only two outcomes: you either become the fire, or you are destroyed by it.

(Exodus 3:2-5) There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in a blazing fire from within a bush. Moses saw the bush ablaze with fire, but it was not consumed. So Moses said, "I must turn aside now and see this marvelous sight, why the bush is not burned up." When the LORD saw that he turned aside to look, God called to him from the midst of the bush and said, "Moses, Moses!" And he said, "Here I am.” "Do not come any closer," God said. "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground."

(Acts 2:1-4) When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like a mighty rushing wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw tongues like flames of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them.

(2 Peter 3:10,11) But the Day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar, the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and its works will be laid bare. Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to conduct yourselves in holiness and godliness.

(Isaiah 29:5,6) But your many foes will be like fine dust, the multitude of the ruthless like blowing chaff. Then suddenly, in an instant, from the LORD of hosts you will be punished with thunder and earthquake and loud noise, With whirlwind and tempest and the flame of a consuming fire.

God In The Flesh

In one of my articles last week, I shared with you that our focus must not be on what our enemy is doing, but rather, it should always and ever be upon the risen Christ and His cross. However, such a focus does not negate the necessity of us being wise to our enemy’s schemes (2 Cor 2:11). There is a difference between being focused on the enemy versus understanding him.

There are too many people who do not understand that evil will tell you snippets of truth all day long, simply for the sake of gaining enough of your trust to lead you astray with his lies. What most people don’t understand is that Satan can be nice. The enemy of Jesus Christ can quote Scripture and can be sincere (Matt 4:6). Satan has no problem saying abortion is wrong, or that Jesus died on a cross, or that God is powerful and created everything. Satan speaking facts does not make him truthful, nor does it make him honorable or worthy of trust and respect.

Satan can speak truths when he needs to, but he will not act in humility. Therefore, there is one truth he simply will not speak. Satan will not say that Jesus Christ is God. For to do that, would be to humble himself to humanity, it would be to acknowledge that humanity has been lifted up above himself, because Jesus is both fully human and fully God (John 8:56-58; 14:11; Phil 2:5-8; Col 1:19; 2:9). God became a human being to restore us back into relationship with Himself and that human being is Jesus Christ. Do not think that someone is trustworthy simply because they speak random facts about God and say nothing of the deity of Jesus Christ. Our litmus test in these days of religious and political chaos must be those who call God by the name of Jesus.

The antichrist spirit will not confess God in the flesh, and to confess God in the flesh is to say that Jesus Christ is God. That is what the Apostle John is talking about at 1 John 4:2,3. Therefore, in the days ahead as you hear more and more talk about the three Abrahamic religions being in unity under the same God, you will know that is a lie. The battle line has been drawn and that battle line is Jesus Christ. There is no fellowship with those who deny the Son, because whoever denies the Son does not have the Father. And entering into any religious agreement with those who deny the Son, is to enter into a covenant of death.

(1 John 4:2,3) By this you will know the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and which is already in the world at this time.

(2 John 1:7) For many deceivers have gone out into the world, refusing to confess the coming of Jesus Christ in the flesh. Any such person is the deceiver and the antichrist.

(1 John 2:23) Whoever denies the Son does not have the Father, but whoever confesses the Son has the Father as well.

(John 5:22,23) Furthermore, the Father judges no one, but has assigned all judgment to the Son, so that all may honor the Son just as they honor the Father. Whoever does not honor the Son does not honor the Father Who sent Him.

(1 John 5:19,20) We know that we are of God, and that the whole world is under the power of the evil one. And we know that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know Him Who is true; and we are in Him Who is true—in His Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life.