In The Quietness Of The Closet

The world is loud and the arguments are many, as I sit here in my quiet closet. 

Sometimes my life feels as if I’m being carried along by a white-capped wave in a stormy sea. Sometimes I hold my breath and go deep into the water, where it’s quiet and everything seems graceful and flows with effortless ease. I want to stay here in the deep, where I’m alone. Where it’s quiet and removed from the white-capped waves from above. But I can only hold my breath for so long. And then I must return to the surface, and continue to ride the wave in the storm. 

I want to understand what I’m being taught. I want to see it in a bullet-point list. I want to say, “Aha! Here is the thing I must comprehend!”, and then set about to comprehending it. “Comprehend this thing you are being taught…,” I want to tell myself. “Reach out and grasp this thing…,” my will says to my hands. But the white-capped waves and my inability to breathe underwater continually remind me of my utter helplessness. I am at the mercy of the one who both controls the storm and creates things to breathe underwater. 

The flesh rages against helplessness. Because the flesh wants bullet-point lists. The flesh wants to control the storm. The flesh wants to breathe underwater by sheer willpower. But the spirit is content to sit in the quiet closet, for however long it takes for the unknown lesson to be learned. 

Oh Lord, may my spirit win. 

(Matt 6:6) But when you pray, go into your inner room, shut your door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. And your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

(Ps 91:1,2) He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

(Ps 27:4,5) One thing I have asked of the LORD; this is what I desire: to dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and seek Him in His temple. For on the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle; He will hide me in the secret place of His tent; He will lift me up on a rock.