The Cost Of Kindness

I often see the Facebook blurb:  "Kindness costs you nothing."  And I often feel the urge to point out that sometimes, kindness actually costs a lot.  Kindness cost Jesus His life.  It cost Him being slapped in the face and spit on.  It cost Him many moments of His life where He may just rather have had time to Himself in peace and quiet, rather than pouring Himself out to the masses day after day.  I wonder how many times Jesus was tired and needed a break, but went and served and helped people anyway?  I disagree that "kindness costs you nothing." 

For a divorced mother to be kind to the husband who beat her when it's his weekend to have the kids, that is costly kindness.  For the divorced husband to be kind to the wife who cheated on him when it's her weekend to have the kids, that is costly kindness.  For an employee to be kind to a boss who exploits them or belittles them, that is costly kindness.  For you to be kind to the person you know is gossiping about you behind your back, that is costly kindness.  It is costly because there are things within yourself that you have to die to, so that you can be kind toward them.  There are emotions which you'd much rather prefer to feel, that must be put to death, or at the very least, neutered.  There is an inner death that takes place when we are kind to those who least deserve it and when we'd much rather prefer to treat them as their actions deserve.  But, it is not our place to determine what their actions deserve. 

Jesus explicitly commands us:  "But to those of you who will listen, I say:  Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you...love your enemies...Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked.  Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful" (Luke 6:27-36).  And it is in this context of forgiveness towards the unforgivable that Jesus instructs us not to judge or condemn:  "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven" (v. 37).  We do not determine what is forgivable and unforgivable.  Only God does that.  Jesus says do not judge, do not condemn, but forgive-- for with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you (v. 38).  We are not being told to overlook other people's wrongs to us or to be a doormat to someone.  We are not being told to accept despicable behavior.  Jesus is telling us not to allow the way other people treat us to determine the way we treat them.  But rather, "Treat others the same way you want them to treat you" (v. 31).  Which means, the way people treat us is not our standard of measurement for how we treat them.  Our standard of measurement is the goodness with which we would prefer to be treated ourselves.

That is why kindness can be costly.  When we are mistreated, it is not our natural tendency to go and find the person that mistreated us and give them a big ol' hug and a-coke-and-a-smile.  If truth be told, and it must, most of us would probably prefer to karate chop them in the throat.  Or pull out all the flowers in their flower bed and put them--clods of dirt and all-- into the front seat of their car.  Or at the very least, unleash the full, verbal barrage of "our side of the story" when they come up in conversation, rather than just sweetly smile and desperately try to find something nice to say.  Trust me, I know, I've legitimately considered all three of these scenarios at one point or another in my life.  But Jesus says that we don't get to do any of those retributive things, and sometimes that feels costly. 

Death to self is a costly thing and I don't think it's wise to downplay that with catchy, insipid Facebook Psalms that try to imply otherwise.  I think the popular term, "the struggle is real," would be appropriate in this regard.  Sometimes it is a struggle to be kind and that struggle is real, but God is always present to give us grace in that struggle.  He gives us the grace to be kind because it is His will for us to be kind.  We are kind because He is "kind to the ungrateful and the wicked" and we were created to reflect His image, and He has poured out His Spirit unto us so that we can successfully do so.  However, access to His empowering Spirit does not detract from the fact that for us to walk in the Spirit, part of us has to die so that He can live in us.  Which means that sometimes, kindness will be costly.

He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Do not even tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even Gentiles do the same? Be perfect, therefore, as your Heavenly Father is perfect. (Matt 5:45-48)

Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and perverse generation, in which you shine as lights in the world. (Phil 2:14,15)

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. (Matt 5:7)

Wait for the Lord and keep His way, and He will raise you up to inherit the land. When the wicked are cut off, you will see it. (Psalm 37:34)

Put to death, therefore, the components of your earthly nature:  sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming on the sons of disobedience. (Col 3:5,6)