The Measure You Use

God asked me to do something today that was quite difficult. He asked me to write a letter to my old church, confessing my own sins.

A year and a half ago, my husband and I left our church of seven years. Without going into the gory details of all the brokenness, division, and other things that I would rather not describe, I will say that at the time of our departure I felt betrayed and leaving was a welcomed relief. But today, God asked me to write a letter confessing my own wrongs to them. Regardless of what was done to me at that church, the things that were said about me behind my back, the wrongful accusations that were made, the duplicity and the gossip, I should not have carried bitterness and resentment in my heart while I served there. And I did.

What most conflicts boil down to is: perspective. We all have our own perspective of a matter, each side perceiving why they are right and the other is wrong. We build ourselves up and put others under a microscope. But the truth of the matter is that we are all sinners in need of repentance and true examination of heart. We all prefer to see ourselves as the victim, until God starts pointing out our own sins and flaws. Those within the church are in desperate need to fall upon their knees and confess sin-- all the hidden things that we’d rather keep in the closet or in a cobwebby corner. Instead of falling on our knees before one group or another, we all need to fall upon our knees together, side by side, before the Living God Who alone is the judge of human hearts.

For a brief moment as I sat in front of the mailbox with those two copies of my letter in sealed envelopes in my hand, I felt fear and doubt. Did I really hear God correctly? What will happen when this letter is read? Why now, God? After a year and a half, why now? Can’t I just continue on with my life in peace? And the Holy Spirit clearly said, “There is no peace without truth.” And then I dropped the letters into the black darkness of the mailbox’s mouth and drove away.

I look around the world today and I see upheaval and a gross lack of peace. I see people ranting and raving, and without truth, there will be no peace. Truth acts as a light, exposing hidden things. Jesus teaches that we are only able to help others confront their own sin, when we have honestly taken inventory of our own. We must expose our own heart to the light of truth, before we can use that light as a torch to lead others out of darkness.


For with the same judgment you pronounce, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but fail to notice the beam in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while there is still a beam in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the beam out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (Matt 7:2-5)

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. (Ps 139:23,24)

Who can discern his own errors? Cleanse me from my hidden faults. Keep Your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless and cleansed of great transgression. (Ps 19:12,13)