Sitting With My Savior

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked through this barn door with a heavy heart. 

Some days I barely make it to the door before the tears come. I come out here to wrestle, to weep, and to worship. I come out here to shout, to seek, and to sigh. I come out here with questions that are sometimes answered and sometimes not. Sometimes, I sit and look out the window at the pond as I talk to the Lord. Sometimes, I sit and pray with my eyes closed as I rock back and forth in anguish. Because when I come out here, I come out here for relationship. 

I need my Messiah. I need my Lord and my God, and I need Him every second of every day. I need Him to help me, to comfort me, to guide me, and to feed me. I am small and He is not, and I need Him to be big in my life. I need Him to be bigger than the ugliness and hurt and brokenness in the world, because that is what a Savior is. A Savior is someone bigger than our suffering and our sin— Someone who is bigger and greater than all the things that make you feel small and weak and broken and defeated. 

I have walked through this door so many times with burdens and questions, and a desire to know the One Who can deal with them. Because He said seek and you will find. He said abide in Me and you will bear much fruit. He said lose your life for His sake, and you will find it. And so I come out here to seek and abide and lose my life….so I can find it in Him and bear much fruit. 

Brothers and sisters, today I encourage you to do the same. 

(1 John 4:4-6) You, little children, are from God and have overcome them, because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world. Those people belong to this world, so they speak from the world’s viewpoint, and the world listens to them. We are from God. Whoever knows God listens to us; whoever is not from God does not listen to us. That is how we know the Spirit of truth and the spirit of deception. 

(Matt 7:7,8) Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. 

(Ps 34:17-19) The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears; He delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him from them all.